Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 88 total)
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  • #32766
    Steven187
    Participant

    I’ve been gambling in a harmful way for around 6 months.
    I’ve lost around £50,000 through gambling I football matches through my phone and have another £15,000 on credit cards.
    I’ve been trying not to gamble and go through spells where I’m not, but seem to get dragged back in. I realise this behaviour is destructive, yet I still do it.
    My girlfriend or family do not understand. They see it as-stop gambling. I’ve not found it that simple or easy. I’ve been chasing losses, been up and then lost more. I’ve gone through suicidal thoughts, but I’m thankfully over that for now.
    I had decent savings, which are all gone and I now find myself in debt.

    #32767
    Adam26
    Participant

    Having lost all my savings too I can say it is very difficult to let go. You’re going to need to accept that your money is gone and you’ll never see it again. I can only tell you that it will get easier with every passing day. Easier, but it’s never easy. You have to be strong my friend. I was in your position over a year ago. £20,000 savings gone! My wages every week gone! But after just over 1 year and 9 weeks, I can say I’ve not gambled a day and have managed to save just under 9 grand back. Trust me. It will feel better earning your money back than winning it. Winnings are just losses in waiting. Good luck bud.

    #32768
    Steven187
    Participant

    Def easier said than done.
    Do you have any advice for stopping completely?
    Now at the point I’m worrying about paying back credit cards and loans, so will be no saving for a while.

    #32769
    Adam26
    Participant

    I can’t say for certain. What will help you. For me as an individual, I find a day tally really helps me aim for goals. I’ve gone 1 year, 9 weeks and 3 days today. Adding to that helps to keep me responsible. It’s the longest I’ve gone in my gambling life so I want to keep it going as long as possible.

    #32770
    Steven187
    Participant

    I’ll attempt to take it one day at a time.
    I have no money to gamble now and my credit rating is now f*cked due to debt built up through credit cards and loans, so might be an easy decision.

    #32771
    charles
    Moderator

    <

    Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

    Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

    Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

    And on that note….

    I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #32772
    vera
    Participant

    Hi Steven!
    I see you are asking for advice about “stopping completely”.
    Then, I read on another thread that you had managed to acquire another 2k on another credit card.
    Not judging. Just sayin’!
    So maybe for a start stop taking new credit cards.
    Stopping gambling is real easy.
    I stopped hundreds of times.
    Staying stopped is really difficult.
    That’s why CGs need help/support/barriers.
    I went to extreme measures to gamble. Travelled miles in all weather. Borrowed against all the odds. Manipulated people, organizations (banks, credit unions, loan companies etc) to give me loans beyond all belief. Now its payback time. And I can tell you it hurts!
    It seemed so harmless getting 2/3/4 k here and there but when the zeros are added on and we find ourselves looking at 6 figure sums, reality sets in and the pressure rises.
    My advice to you , Steven is not to stop completely. Yet! Just stop borrowing money for now. If you say you’re broke , then you can’t/won’t gamble.
    Next step is to tie up your next salary cheque before that vanishes too and I can tell you without a doubt that it will.
    Can you get a friend/family member to take over the control of your finances COMPLETELY?
    CGS cannot handle money.
    At this stage you can only see money as ammunition for gambling. Of course your rational mind will say otherwise but as soon as that money hits your account you will swing into action. I did it for years that’s how I know. I even took high interest loans which involved agents coming to my home with cash.( very stressful!) As soon as the paper work would be filled in, the cash was handed over. It took about 3 days to arrange these transactions.(more stress). During that time I would psych myself up . Swearing to God that as soon as I got the cash I would go straight to the bank but as soon as the money was laid before me the wheels of the car would barely touch the road and ten/twelve hours later I would be on my way home, penniless , crying “why did I do it AGAIN”
    The reason we lose everything, Steven is because we are compulsive gamblers and compulsive gambler never win.
    So before you attempt to “stop completely” instil that into your brain.
    “CGs never win”
    CGs NEVER win”
    CGS N E V E R ever win”
    When you “get” that, you will stop gambling, completely!

    #32773
    Steven187
    Participant

    Thanks for your post.
    Yes, I did endeavour to stop and I also received delivery of another credit card on wed, maxed it out and lost it all.
    Part of the issue here is that we kid ourselves.
    I am going to put money into my girlfriends Acc each month and endeavour to stop one day at a time.

    #32774
    charles
    Moderator

    Hi Steven, good idea on having your money in your g/f’s account. Is she aware of the problem? If you asked her for a lump of money will she ask you what it is for? It will still be your money of course, to spend on buying/doing things, but an element of accountability helps.

    Does she know aboput your debts/credit cards? It is important that she does or of course it will be hard to maintain debt repayments if she is looking after your money for you. Trying to keep debts hidden can in itself send people gambling.

    Are your debts manageable? If not then you can get some expert, free advice at either the Citizens Advice Bureau or Stepchange.

    Keep posting.

    #32775
    lizbeth4
    Participant

    Hi Steven, I told myself again and again that this time was going to be the last gambling binge. I maxed out cards and took personal loans. I kept thinking that one day I would hit the big one and pay everything off. That doesn’t happen. Believe me, it took a lot longer to pay off the debt than it did for me to make them. If your Girlfriend knows about your problem with gambling and your debts than it would be good for her to hold on to your money. We have to stop fooling ourselves before we can get serious about recovery. It’s not a easy journey but you can do it with support and hard work. Don’t give up!

    #32776
    Steven187
    Participant

    A lot of the debt is on credit cards that have a 0% interest offer for 24 months, so will endeavour to pay as much back as I can through that. My girlfriend (looking like being ex girlfriend soon) knows about the gambling and debt. I have no money to gamble at the moment, so will not be gambling for the foreseeable. Attempting to take it a day at a time and keep occupied with other things.

    I kept my issues with gambling/debt caused by gambling to myself for a long time and eventually told my girlfriend and family. Felt like a weight hand been lifted in doing this, but I’ve still lost a lot of money after telling them.
    The difficulty is that I don’t think people understand, unless they’ve been in a similar situation. It’s been an odd few months-I’m doing well in work and enjoy my job, studying part time and enjoy the course and then there’s the gambling. It was kept a secret. Difficult when people don’t know. With other addictions, other aspects of your life may suffer, but gambling had no impact on work or college. It has become an issue in my relationship, but that may turn out to be another cost.

    Charles, Lizbeth – thanks for posting.

    #32777
    vera
    Participant

    I agree, Steven. Non CGs don’t understand . How could they possibly get inside the mind of a CG with all the distorted thinking, all the irrational plans and the plethora of mixed emotions.
    That’s why this Site has a Family and Friends Forum. And GA has the “sister” group called Gamanon, to support and inform non CGs (our “victims”) about strategies they can use to protect themselves from the fall out of gambling.
    Maybe your parents/girlfriend would benefit from checking out these groups.
    You rightly pointed out Steven, that we can fool ourselves.
    We also become expert at fooling others!

    #32778
    Steven187
    Participant

    Good afternoon.
    After a couple more (expensive) lapses, I’m concentrating daily on not gambling. I’m trying to look at the fact that gambling has brought nothing but negativity to my life and that it will take me years to pay off what I owe. I still plan to talk to some sort of counsellor/therapist through my doctor and will arrange this in the coming weeks. I want to try and get a better understanding of why I acted the way I did with my compulsive gambling. Taking a step back, I’ve drank heavily, dabbled in drugs for a period and now gambled to excess and lost huge amounts of money-perhaps the ‘addictive’ part of my personality has always been there and always will, but it’s being aware of that and trying to control it maybe. Having experienced suicidak thoughts many times through gambling, I’m grateful that I’ve stopped…hopefully forever and can move on with my life.

    #32779
    theone12221
    Participant

    Hey Steven,

    Stopping gambling, on face value, seems so easy. Yet we all know that it’s literally one of the hardest addictions to get over. One does not simply say “yep, I will stop forever” and just go cold turkey forever. The losses drag us back in. The damage done by gambling drag us back in. This is one of the most vicious cycles and absolutely can destroy a person psychologically. This is why you must self- exclude and install gambling blockers if you play online. You should also hand over your finances completely. Finally, dont play the victim card, when you gamble you’re basically saying you’re not ready to give up yet. You still think you can beat gambling. Man up and actually take proactive steps to stop, rather than just believing after a loss that you will stop and hoping that you will stop. You are the one in control of your own actions, and you need to truly believe that.

    Ask yourself, are you really ready to stop? Or are you still not ready to give it in yet. Only you can answer that question. Someone once told me “some people want to stop gambling, but most people actually just want to stop losing.” It took a long time for me to switch from my delusion of “stop losing” to the realization that I actually want and need to stop gambling. I hope you can get there sooner rather than later. Good luck.

    #32780
    Steven187
    Participant

    Thanks for your post.
    I realise there’s only one winner and it isn’t the compulsive gambler. I won a lot of money, but I’ve lost more.
    I still check sites for inplay football scores (this is where I was betting for the most part) and at times I’m tempted to put a bet on, but I can’t for several reasons. I’ve self excluded from every site I’ve used and don’t have the finances to gamble. Yes, there are always other sites and probably other ways to get finance, but I haven’t tried these yet and hopefully won’t.
    I’m not naive enough to think I can just flick a switch and stop gambling immediately, but I think enough is enough. I’m determined to stop, whilst being fully aware it won’t be easy. The money is gone, but I have a roof over my head and a plan to pay off my debts etc. I still think the difficulty is than your average person/non compulsive gambler does not understand fully. This website and the people posting has been a big help to me, so thank you.

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