Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family Some useful tips for Friends and family

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  • #5549
    lily
    Participant

    I found these tips and thought they were very sensible and cover much of what I have learned whilst using this site. Hope they prove helpful to others..

    1. Start by helping yourself. You have a right to protect yourself emotionally and financially. Don’t blame yourself for the gambler’s problems or let his or her addiction dominate your life. Ignoring your own needs can be a recipe for burnout.
    2. Don’t go it alone. It can feel so overwhelming coping with a loved one’s gambling addiction that it may seem easier to rationalize their requests “this one last time.” Or you might feel ashamed, feeling like you are the only one who has problems like this. Reaching out for support will make you realize that many families have struggled with this problem.
    3. Set boundaries in managing money. To ensure the gambler stays accountable and to prevent relapse, consider taking over the family finances. However, this does not mean you are responsible for micromanaging the problem gambler’s impulses to gamble. Your first responsibilities are to ensure that your own finances and credit are not at risk.
    4.Consider how you will handle requests for money. Problem gamblers often become very good at asking for money, either directly or indirectly. They may use pleading, manipulation or even threats to get it. It takes practice to ensure you are not enabling your loved one’s gambling addiction.

    Do’s and Don’ts for partners of problem gamblers

    Do…
    Seek the support of others with similar problems; attend a self-help group for families such as Gam-Anon
    Explain problem gambling to the children
    Recognize your partner’s good qualities
    Remain calm when speaking to your partner about his or her gambling and its consequences
    Let your partner know that you are seeking help for your own sake because of the way gambling affects you and the children
    Understand the need for treatment of problem gambling despite the time it may involve
    Take control of family finances; review bank and credit card statements

    Don’t…
    Preach, lecture, or allow yourself to lose control of your anger
    Make threats or issue ultimatums unless you intend to carry them out
    Exclude the gambler from family life and activities
    Expect immediate recovery, or that all problems will be resolved when the gambling stops
    Bail out the gambler
    Cover-up or deny the existence of the problem to yourself, the family, or others

    #5550
    lily
    Participant

    Just bringing this up to the top as this might be a good starting place for understanding. Lily x

    #5551
    Carmen_3
    Participant

    Thank you so much
    Will comment back properly when I have some time at work today x

    #5552
    lily
    Participant

    no problem, will look out for your reply, Lily. x

    #5553
    Millsy68
    Participant

    Hi I found out last night that my husband of 5 years has been gambling with a credit card and payday loan which I found in the bin! I don’t know how to deal with the lies and story telling! At my wits end as he just won’t face up to it, he has previously taken an overdose because he felt he had let everyone down.

    #5554
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Millsy
    I cannot support you as you deserve to be supported on someone else’s thread so please start your own. If you look at the bottom of the Friends and Family forum page you will see a purple box entitled ‘New Topic’ – click on it, give yourself a title and write your post in the box. Click on ‘Save’ and your individual thread will be open.
    You are not alone Millsy and you deserve unique support that relates to your specific problem.
    If you read this before the Friends and Family group tonight, i hope you will join us between 20.00-21.00 hours UK time or 8-pm BST. You will be very welcome.
    Velvet

    #5555
    Jane 123
    Participant

    Hi Velvet – sorry to jump on this thread but I am having real problems finding the F&F support group – it doesn’t show up on my screen at all. I’ve not been able log in for a few months now and I could really use some advice?

    #5556
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Jane
    On Thursday between 20.00-21.00 hours UK time – 8-9pm BST click on the ‘Helpline’ at the top and scroll down – the group is normally near the bottom of the list. Click on ‘Join’ and you will be in.
    It doesn’t show until exactly 8pm.
    If you try and come in using the ‘Support Group’ at the top it is hard to see the group because it is tucked behind another group and only the ‘F’ is showing. If you click on the F you will be in but the ‘Helpline’ access is easier.
    I look forward to ‘seeing’ you.
    Velvet

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