22 March 2018 at 6:51 pm #6204LilyannaParticipant
I am 74 years old and my son is 53 years old. He moved in with me 7 months ago due to his health and to help stop gambling. We got on well but 3 weeks ago his behaviour changed and a week ago I confronted him but his response was fury and he walked out. I have really given up my life to help him but no more. He has apparently calmed down and wants me to make up our row. For me however I have reached the end of the line. I don’t want him back.Actually I am furious, not so much about the actual gambling but about the lies and manipulations. He has made such a fool of me. I am stressed and down
Two days ago I booked a weeks holiday from Good Friday. I do love him but currently hate him. I am determined to walk away but how do I cope now ?22 March 2018 at 7:57 pm #6205charlesModerator
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team22 March 2018 at 8:07 pm #6206charlesModerator
Hi Lilyanna, well done on looking for support. I can relate to your comments about lies and manipulation – in the past it would have been me doing tyhe lying and manipulating. My mum too came to her breaking point which was lucky for both of us. If she had still been bailing me out then i would still be gambling. You can get a lot of support here, I am sure Velvet will welcome you and I hope you mange to connect to one of her Friends and Family Groups – there is one at 10pm this evening (UK time). There is also a Drop in Group that is currently running.
You son has a lot of support if he wants to stop gambling – here, other sites, Gamblers Anonymous and more. So now is the time for you to focus on YOU and use the support that you have. Enjoy the holiday you have booked, you deserve it. I look forward to reading how you are doing and I hope you are able to connect to one of those groups.23 March 2018 at 4:31 pm #6207
I hope that Charles’ post to you has given you a sense of direction and also hope.
I am glad that you have managed to say that you love your son but currently you hate him because so often we don’t voice terrible thoughts because of what others might think. In this forum you are understood. I felt as you do and I struggled with such an awful thought but thankfully I came to realise that it was my CG’s addiction that I hated and to know that he hated it too.
It will not do your son any harm to know that you have reached the end of your tether, it seems to me this has been coming for a long time and I think it is fantastic that you have organised a holiday for you to look after yourself and give yourself the time that you deserve.
I am sure you have seen the penitent son before following a furious response to you trying to support him. I suspect you are now seeing through the conciliatory’ words and know just what they are – words. You are no fool, you have been used by an addiction that is manipulative and it is time to stop.
I hope you will join me in the F&F groups where we can communicate in real time and where nothing that is said appears on the forum.
In the meantime I hope you will keep posting because it is my belief that sharing your burden will help you to cope.
How long was it that your son was away when he walked out? Does he have anywhere else to live? Has he ever sought help for his addiction?
Sorry to load you with questions but it helps me to understand how to support you best.
I cannot tell you what to do but if it was me I would determine that this last bout of poor behaviour was the last I would put up with and I would tell him to seek support from GA, a site such as this or the GMA rehab which is great.
Out Helpline is here for you Lilyanna, it is anonymous and safe; it is also there for your son if he wants to extend a hand for help. If he doesn’t then, in my opinion, it would be better for you to refuse him a roof until he can appreciate you. Do you have other family to help you be strong?
Velvet26 March 2018 at 7:47 pm #6208Blondie53Participant
Hi I am brand new to this site but looking for support and advice! My son who is 26 has always gambled had a really bad episode a few years ago we bailed him out financially things seemed to settle for a while or we didn’t hear about any issues. Them he has escalated it again, betting hundreds of pounds that he can’t afford and having debt problems, and can’t see that he has a problem, I have been so stressed about it and his behaviour has been quite irrational at times. His marriage broke up last year partly due to his gambling issues he has 3 children and in a new relationship but his habits are harming that too. Did move back home last year after his marriage break up and he used to stay with us at the weekends with the children and this lasted until very recently 7 months in total.he still owes me money but doubt I will get it back, I just want some advice about how to handle it to make sure I’m doing saying the right thing Told him he needs help and some CBT but all he says is he is fine26 March 2018 at 10:25 pm #6209
Please start a thread of your own as there is a lot of support for you here but unfortunately it is not possible to give it on another person’s thread.
It would be great if you could pop in to the Friends and Family support group tomorrow night 22.00-23.00 hours UK time where we can ‘talk’ in real time.
Velvet27 March 2018 at 6:14 pm #6210Blondie53Participant
Aah ok I did think I hadn’t done it right thankou30 March 2018 at 4:06 pm #6211
It would be great to get an update and to know whether or not you feel we are supporting as you deserve.
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