[josh]

Hi Everyone,

I have a 15 year old son getting into “mining Ethyrium”. He mined/created about $20, then lost $13 of that playing “skins”. I have no idea what much of this is, and its not a lot of $. However, he’s showing signs of the gambling highs/lows I’ve seen (over and over) here. I’m a saver/investor and have very good money management skills, but this is concerning. I told him son, this is gambling. It certainly isn’t investing, that’s for sure.

What can I share with him, or what can I do to make sure this doesn’t develop into a real problem? Thank you all for your help/support. God be with everyone afflicted with this disease..

[velvet]

Hi Josh

I see you have been contributing to ‘Our Journal’ which is great and I hope the forum has given you a greater understanding of your son’s problem. I do commend you on recognising a problem with your son who is at such a tender and impressionable age.

In my opinion, nothing helps a gambler more than hearing from other gamblers about the inherent dangers of gambling and ‘My Journal’ could be a good place for your son to start. He is probably feeling very sure of himself at the moment, convinced that he can handle his life and his behaviour – it is the prerogative of the young to feel invincible. Thankfully there are many gamblers in control of their addiction, or who are in the process of trying to control it, who are willing to point the way to young people. We have an excellent Helpline here and facilitated ‘gambler only’ groups.

What usually starts as gambling for fun with friends can quickly become something more serious without parents/friends noticing until the behaviour is embedded and addiction has reared its ugly head. Parents, naturally and understandably, believe that they are the ones who can support their child best, surely the love of a parent must conquer all but it is seldom so. You cannot ‘make sure’ that your son’s problem does not develop into something more serious. What you can do is learn as much as possible about the addiction to gamble and just be there for him without condemnation for a problem he neither asked for nor wanted.

I will leave this post here presently and give you time to respond but in the meantime, if you decide to encourage your son on to this site, it may be a good idea, if you think he could recognise you, to have your words made invisible. We have had loved ones who have read each other’s threads and reacted unfavourably. If your son seeks support, he may well wish to keep what he learns and what he says about himself, private until he is ready to talk. This is a common initial reaction. It is hard for a gambler to admit he has a real problem and the answer is often to gamble more – to prove that he is not like ‘other gamblers’ and that he knows ‘what he is doing’.

It is so important that you look after yourself at this time and allow your son to see that you are ok and that he can trust you, even though he might think that he is disappointing you. Listening to him is more important than challenging him. Directing him to good support is vital.

You are not to blame for your son’s problem, you could not have stopped him having this problem.

If there is anything I say that you are unhappy about, please come back at me

It would be great to ‘meet’ you in a group where we can communicate privately in real time and no question is out of bounds.

Velvet

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by velvet.

[josh]

No worries Velvet, that’s actually good advice. Thank you…

I train both he and his friend (resistance training), so we do something healthy and positive at least twice a week. Today, I warned them both about the dangers of gambling, both in the casino/online, as well as day trading/cryptocurrency. In fact, I found several stories wherein people lost everything in crypto, more or less through no fault of their own. He was rather stoic…

Anyway, I’m going to stay close to what he’s doing and offered to help in any way that I could. He seems to understand about diversification, the difference between investing and gambling, etc.. He’s a VERY smart kid, but I’ve seen some very well educated, smart people fall victim to this disease and determined never to let my guard down. Both he and his friend are 15, and just learning about all this so…. hopefully they heed my warning.

It’s tough watching the relapses here, some after years of being GF. But we all make mistakes, sometimes painful ones over and over. Whatever this disease is, it has an incredible grip on the psyche. I’ve seen the term “trance” used more than once, and I fully believe it. Whatever evil lurks in this addiction, its powerful and all consuming. I will stay vigilant, and let you know of how things are going.

Bless you and everyone here with gambling addictions…

[velvet]

Hi Josh

I don’t think we can compare the mistakes that we all make with an addiction to gamble. A compulsion to gamble is not a mistake. Young men gamble with their friends and enjoy it, some find they cannot walk away and through no fault of their own, a life-time’s problem awaits.

There is no cure for the addiction to gamble, a compulsive gambler cannot relapse and then just dust himself down and start all over again.

Your son may just have a problem and hopefully he can be warned away but if he is already addicted, (and his mood swings may be an indication that matters have progressed) I’m not sure how you will warn your son if his mind is fully charged – he is at an age when he will believe that he knows what he is doing and no matter how vigilant you are if he chooses to gamble then he will. It is a secretive addiction and lying to cover up is common. He will need treatment.

The addiction to gamble is not about money, money is only the means to an end where the only goal is the ‘gamble’. When a compulsive gambler gambles, whether it is with a dollar or a million dollars, his juices are fired and every time this happens his addiction grows in strength. It can destroy his life, his home and the lives of those around him, unless it is treated.

The F&F forum and groups are for the families and friends of those who have an addiction to gamble because they are in need of understanding and support. It is only with understanding that we come to realise our limits and accept that the person we should be looking after first is ourselves. It would be good if you could come into an F&F group meeting where we can communicate in real time.

Velvet

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