Son of a CG: How should I handle the situation?

[Dylan1218]

Long story short my Dad’s been a CG for a very long time. He’s lost his wife of 30 years to the addiction, my brother doesn’t speak to him much and he lost all of his money and has no savings.

I’m the only one (understandbly) out of our small family that has decided to just forgive him. What I struggle with currently is in supporting him. He doesn’t have much money, and when he still gambles on weekends as much as he claims he wins all the time I’m sure he’s loosing also. When he asks me for money I do everything I can to know exactlly where the money is going. If he needs money for grocery’s I go out and buy them. If he needs money for a car repair and ask him for an invoice from the mechanic. Of course this isn’t fool proof and it’s possible that all of the money hasn’t gone to what’s is needed.

So my question to you guys is how should I handle all of this? The fact of the matter is that I’ll never stop supporting my Dad to some extent. It’s too late for him to just stop the addiction, he’s 67 and has heart issues, if he’s left on the street I don’t expect him to fare well. I want him to be happy to the extent that it doesn’t bring me down with him.

So currently any money I “lend” to my father I obviously don’t expect back. Which is why I only give him amounts I can afford to loose, essentially just treating it as an expense.

Does anyone else have any experience that is similar to mine where they could maybe give some advice?

[Dylan1218]

My father for the most part DOES support himself, with exceptions every few months. So it’s not an everyday thing, just a slow and accumulating issue.

[Dunc]

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Hello

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

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[velvet]

Hi Dylan
Well done joining our forum. Knowledge of your father’s addiction will hopefully help you to cope so that you can make informed decisions that are right for both you and your father.
The addiction to gamble is not about winning money to buy things, or for saving for a rainy day. The ‘gamble’ itself is all important and it is the gamble that disturbs the mind of the CG (compulsive gambler) and wrecks the lives of those who love them.
Your father did not want, (or ask for) his addiction, any more than you, or the rest of your family – but it has wrought considerable wreckage over the years and sadly has the ability to cause even more destruction unless treated. It is an addiction that brings failure to its owner because the CG cannot walk away until all is lost resulting in misery and depression.
Does your father acknowledge he has a problem?
I hear and understand that because of his age and health issues you are unwilling to come down hard on your father’s addiction but sadly, without treatment, it will worsen. Putting groceries into his kitchen and paying car repair bills direct to the garage mechanic is good but giving cash to a CG is the same as giving a drink to an alcoholic. By ‘lending’ money to your father, you have been unwittingly feeding his addiction which has a voracious appetite.
I don’t know if your father has ever sought help but if he hasn’t, maybe it would be a good idea to use your search engine to find ‘GA – 20 Questions’, perhaps you could print them off and suggest he reads them. Many CGs do not appreciate that their addiction is recognised and that there is help available for them but they do need to accept they have a problem if they want to change.
Your father is indeed lucky to have a caring son like you but it would be unwise to think that his addiction will not encroach further on your life – it has the capacity to bring down all those around it.
I will leave my first post to you there and await your reply. Please ask any questions you may have and I will answer you as best I can. I have a live group on Tuesdays between 20.00-21.00 hours UK time where we could communicate in real time, nothing that is said in that group appears on the forum and you would be very welcome.
I would not be writing to you if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and wonderful lives lived as a result – it is never too late.
Velvet

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