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  • #4957
    Brummell
    Participant

    Hi
    I joined this site after reading some of the forums. I realise I can’t do this alone, I am a single parent whilst My. Son has a relationship with his Dad, he doesn’t help and is a big part of the problem. Encouraging him to gamble etc alongside him etc
    My son lies and is nasty whenever he is challenged. I know I have to adopt a different method as it will eat away at me all this stress.
    Can anybody offer me support and advice to get through this

    #4958
    worriedmama
    Participant

    I’m so sorry compulsive gambling has your family in its grip. I would imagine it’s twice as hard when his dad is encouraging the gambling.
    When actively gambling my son was an incredible liar, manipulative, nasty and unrecognizable. As moms we naturally try to fix them. We talk until we are blue in the face, we threaten, we scream, we cry but nothing seems to get through.
    It is a serious addiction that is very progressive. He didn’t ask for this yet it will be his to manage for the rest of his life.
    Your part is to learn as much as you can about this addiction and finding as much support for yourself as you can cuz this is really tough and too hard to do alone.
    Keep writing on here, try a Gam Anon group… Things that will help to give you support and perspective.

    Take Care

    #4959
    Dunc
    Keymaster

    <

    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #4960
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Brummel
    Welcome from me to GT – I hope you will soon feel the warmth of knowing you are far from alone and that there are things you can do to protect yourself and in doing so give your son the right support that appears to be lacking in his father.
    I know it isn’t easy to adopt a different attitude towards a son when the mother’s natural leaning is towards giving and loving regardless of pain inflicted by a child’s selfishness – mothers reason that any problems developing in their child must be ‘their’ fault and therefore they can be crippled by unwarranted guilt and it is that feeling of unnecessary guilt which helps to feed the addiction.
    Is your husband a compulsive gambler? A way to answer this would be to look at Gamblers Anonymous web site and see if you would apply more than 7 yesses to the 20 questions. If your husband is a CG (compulsive gambler) then unfortunately he may be getting a boost from his son joining him in his addiction.
    You are not responsible for your son’s addiction even if you have unwittingly fed it (as I did for 25 years) you are still not to blame. You also cannot save him, only he can do that – but by saving the one person you can save which is ‘you’, you will give your son the greatest support of all.
    I agree that your son’s relationship with his father makes this very difficult but if ‘you’ are in control of your life then you can be a place of safely when his world implodes. I cannot tell you that this will be easy because I know it won’t be – it is very tough to stand against a gambling addiction but I am here to walk with you because that is what I did and it changed my life.
    Please tell me more about your relationship, for instance, is your son living with you, does he work, has he ever accepted he has a problem, does he want to change his life, do you have other children? If there are things you would prefer not to mention in this public forum then please make use of our Friends and Family Support group on Tuesdays between 20.00 and 21.00 hours UK time – nothing said in the group ever appears on the forum. You will be very welcome and you will be understood. Try and get in at the beginning because an hour can flash by all too quickly.
    I will wait to hear from you again before I write more. You have done really well starting your thread, I will support you for as long as you want me to do so and ‘yes’ you can get through this.
    Velvet

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