28 July 2011 at 4:10 pm #2529lussinaParticipant
I have been thinking for a few days, just where to start a conversation with those of you on this forum, trying to decide what is foremost in my mind about my CG hubby. I think I’ve decided to write about his adamant insistence that he can ‘fix’ his problem (he admits there is a problem, and that it is hurting our relationship) by himself.
His basis for this is that he has ‘fixed’ other addictions (oh how hard it must be to have an addictive prone life) in his past. He admits to gambling on horse racing in his early 20’s (he’s 54 now) and that he ‘saw that it was only a way to lose all his money’ and he stopped. He admitted to having a drinking problem in his late 20’s and was forced help by law enforcement for that (antibuse program). These are the only two specific fixes he admits to, but insists that he can use the same ability for this current gambling.
He’s willing to talk to me a little bit about all this, when we are not having the immediate ‘you gambled again when you said you wouldn’t conversation’. I feel talking about the CG when the situation has not just happened would be helpful, but he doesn’t seem to feel that way, he will limit the conversation and even told me once that ‘talking about it, makes me think about it and then I want to gamble’ Thus he uses this logic to state that any help outside of himself won’t work.
I realize you all will say this is denial. I understand he is manipulating me to not talk about it. I let the conversation stay silent for awhile, and then I will point out just one statement. An example happened this morning, he has a coffee mug from the casino (freebie of course) and was drinking his coffee from it. I told him, there are times I think about tossing that cup, it makes me feel that you are reminded of the casino. He of course said no. I said, well, I expect you to say that, I just wanted you to know how I see it.
So for right now I feel filled with mixed emotions. I would like to see my hubby in the good light of ‘he’s a strong man and can beat this addiction’ and support him as he does that. The other side in me says, no one can do it alone, he needs the help and how sad that I know he won’t ever get help feeling the way he does.
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