[whydoigoback]

For some reason every few months an extremely stupid thought runs into my head that I can go back to gambling and even win. The game I usually play is poker, which is unfortunate because there are some winning players at that game, so eventually I convince myself that’ll be me. BUT IT WON’T EVER BE ME! Because I do not have the self control to keep my emotions in check and as soon as things go poorly for me then I start to gamble and throw my money away.

I CAN’T WIN, I CAN’T WIN, I CAN’T WIN, I CAN’T WIN. I have to try and get this through my head before I do anything stupid.

The only way I can win is to not play. I had been doing quite well for a few months until I got a strong urge to start playing again about 2 weeks ago. I’ve lost a fair amount but far from everything, so its time to stop now! All is not lost, I just need to get back on track and keep stupid thoughts out of my head.

I will never get back to even, if i play again I will just dig a deeper hole!

Best to try and make money on productive endevours in order to recoup any losses. That is my new goal!

[icandothis]

hello, whydoigoback
Welcome to Gambling Therapy! I like your new goal. It is something I need to work on too. Productive endevours to recoup losses, and also, productive endevours, in general. Focusing on activities, anything but gambling, that add quality to our lives instead of taking away from the quality of our lives. Keep us posted.

[janey1]

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[whydoigoback]

Thank you for the replies and support. I did well after this post until today when I slipped up again. I’m going to try and post every day just to give myself a reminder that gambling is not acceptable, nor will it be any fun, so why should i do it? I shouldn’t, I’m done, over with it, not returning!

I believe I must be insane, Albert Einstein said something along the lines of doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

That’s what I’m doing, I’m insane! It’s ridiculous, when I gamble, I lose money and don’t have any fun, period. It happens every time!

I can’t afford to lose the money I’ve been losing, so I won’t!

Sorry for a rambling post, with no real info, but I just need to vent and try to get back on track.

[dale1]

Thought I had this problem under control but guess what….not!! I’m like you….can’t afford to loose my money any more. Keep thinking I’ll win but never do, so why do I do it?? Hopefully being here will make me more accountable and keep me from gambling.

[charles]

“………..doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is the definition of insanity.”

Very true and that has certainly been said here before. so… what are you going to be doing differently this time? Self exclusion from where ever it is that you gamble? Financial accountabilty/barriers? GA meetings? tying up your time? Keep posting and let us know what you are doing differently. One day at a time

[danchaser]

I’m almost convinced that relapse is a necessary component of recovery. God bless those that can apppreciate their addiction for what it is and actually stop on their first try, but for me, repeated pummelings at the hands of the casino was what finally made me acknowledge my addiction/compulsion.

We can’t stop trying to quit gambling from a slip, instead we should use it to further educate ourselves about our gambling triggers and ultimate reasons we choose/feel compelled to gamble in the first place.

I commend you on your decision and bravery to abstain once again.

[cat438]

We call them different names, but to me they all mean the same. I know for me I have been through a number of relapses in my recovery journey. I would go for a week or two before I joined GT and then I would be back full swing gambling. I know now that I was lying to myself when I thought I could control it. I did not want to give up my friend. The thought of never gambling again would cause me to panic. Now, I don’t think about never playing those machines again, all I think about is today. I know that for today I will not gamble. I did not realize how important it was to just focus on today. I know that I am a work in progress who is working recovery. I still have lots of work to do on myself, but I am learning so much about myself on this journey. All I would suggest to anyone is to put barriers in place so that you have no access to cash/money. If we don’t have money we can’t gamble. I also found counseling helped me tremendously. Also the GT helpline saved me and Harry challenged me so many times, and the chat room, and topic room with Charles. I also find that posting on GT and reading other’s post help. The support of others on GT who understand is also very important. It does not matter how much gamble free time we have, as a compulsive gambler we can’t get complacent. I know at first I kept wanting to go back and win some of the money that I had lost. It took me a long time to accept that it is not my money any longer, it is gone and I gambled it away!!!! We are all the same when it comes to placing our next bet!!! You can do it!!!

[danchaser]

Dang, Cat, I got chills reading your post. You verbalized what’s been going through my head lately.

I too am appreciating the phrase ‘one day at a time’. It helps me to not focus on the overwhelming negatives of my addiction Using the philoshy of TODAY I didn’t gamble – better yet, didn’t even have the urge to do so (when available) – affords me the narrow, achievable focus that, inch by inch, gets me to where I want to be each night when I lay my head on my pillow.

What a win! Who would ever think that such a simple concept could be so rewarding when offered up in such a tidy, small package as ‘today I didn’t gamble’? Certainly not a compuslive gambler. But there it is.

[charles]

Dan is right, if we do have a slip the important thing is to learn from it. What can we do differently next time? What barriers, had they been in place, would have made it harder for us to place that last bet? Having said that, whilst a slip can be part of recovery they are certainly not inevitable. To assume they are would be just doing what our addiction wants and laying the justification for our next bet.

[danchaser]

Good point.

I understand what you’re saying about planting the seed of doubt (relapse is inevitable) in one’s head, likely instigating a relapse and I don’t want to give the impression that relapses result in positive outcomes. They absolutely don’t. Relapses get worse, each and every time at an exponentially depressing degree. During my 6th or 7th relapse, I was ready to repaint the walls with my cranial matter….and it made complete sense to me at the time to do so. Luck, God, fate…whatever it was, is the only reason I’m here today, because I truly believed that those around me were better off without me. After a few more relapses, I found myself a ward of the state. That’s where consecutive and repeated relapses takes you, and it’s not pleasant.

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