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      sick of gambling

      I am a 56yr old female who has a compulsive gambling problem.  I have been gambling for about the past 10 years but it really spiraled out of control the past 3 or 4.  Spending money I didn’t have, constantly worrying about how to cover what I had lost.  My drug of choice – slot machines.  I live fairly close to an Indian casino and that was my favorite place to go.  When I first started I went for the enjoyment, then it became a way to destress and "zone out".  Then something changed and it became habitual.  Sitting there for hours, pumping $20 after $20.  Eventually it went from 300-400 a nite to 1500 – 2000.  I would go 3 times a week.  I have a very good paying job and squandered it on the one armed bandit (boy that name really fits)  I knew I would never really win big – but I continued to do it anyway.  I have lost so much money it makes me sick.  I’ve lied and borrowed and took out loans and jeopardized my future with my compulsion.  The regret, the promises never to go again, the stress.  How did I label this as fun.  I finally had the good sense to ban myself – there are several Indian casinos around here, but I never really frequented those much.  I had my one favorite place to go to.  So now that I banned myself and knowing that I can’t go there has enabled me not to gamble for 8 days.  I don’t even have the desire to.  I need to repair all of the damage I have done.  I will never be able to make up for all the money I lost and don’t know how I will be able to ensure a financially stable future.  I really hate myself for this but am trying to move forward and restart my life again done4good

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