11 January 2020 at 8:17 pm #7023OverthinkParticipant
I’ve come across this forum after searching for some answers!
I woke up a few nights ago to find my husband upset and confessed to a gambling addiction and said he had hit rock bottom with it all! He’s never gambled with our money, the house account etc but has been using the spare money he has and from working extra etc!
We talked about it and he’s talked me through things but what I’m really struggling with is the fact everything seems to have just gone back into the way it was, as if he never told me!!
He’s self excluded from most sites and I’ve gone in and changed passwords on others but he doesn’t want to go to any ga meetings he wants us to do it. Which I can understand but is this what happens after its dropped on you that they have a gambling problem? Do things just carry on like it’s not there?
I feel bad bringing it up and asking more questions but I don’t know how else to understand it! Can you really gamble 9 – 12 hours a day for almost a year, put all that money into it and then just not go on the sites?
Hope someone can just explain what happens after you’ve been told!12 January 2020 at 4:21 pm #7024duncParticipant
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team20 January 2020 at 5:44 pm #7025velvetModerator
You are not overthinking, you are trying to make sense of the senseless and you have arrived at believing that your husband needs more support and is, in fact, possibly feeling better for his confession which puts the burden of worry on your shoulders. I think you are right to be concerned.
I have never heard of a compulsive gambler going it alone and being successful – I have, however, heard many gamblers say that such sites as this and GA would not be necessary if it was possible to stop without the right support.
It is great that he has self-excluded and that he has accepted he has a problem but it seems to me that he doesn’t realise the severity of his problem.
One of the greatest dangers in recovery is complacency and your husband appears to be feeling complacent already and satisfied that his plans will see him through.
I think it would be good if you could tell him, gently. that you have sought help for yourself as you are confused. Maybe ask him to help you understand and possibly ask him, perhaps, to contact out Helpline. As he feels confident then he has nothing to lose as our Helpline is anonymous,
We have brilliant ‘gambler only groups’ on Mondays and Thursdays, facilitated by someone who has stood in your husband’s shoes and has been living happily gamble-free for many, many years. Once again this is anonymous, non-judgemental and supportive – your husband would be very welcome.
Please take great of yourself at this difficult time, make sure you use any support available from friends and family. Unfortunately, many people do not understand about this addiction but maybe if you told them that you are getting support and therefore do not need opinions but would appreciate some love and understanding. The F&F groups on Tuesday and Thursday evenings are there for you – it would be great to ‘talk’ to you in real time.
In the meantime, please keep posting
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