[Jazmyn007]

I have been mrried to a compulsive gambler for ten years and we have 3 children together. I pay for all of the bills even though we make roughly the same amount each month. He tells me that he needs me to hold down the finances until he is out of his debt, but he never tells me how much he owes nor does he share his bank account info with me (we have separate accounts). He’s borrowed money from friends and relatives in the past and still hasn’t been able to get out of his debt. He plays at a local cardroom every single night and never discloses how much he makes or loses. I am barely making ends meet with finances and I have reached a breaking point. He’s tried GA, but doesn’t want to go back. I want to leave and be happy on my own, but I am afraid of the divorce and cuatody nightmare that we’ll need to deal with. I feel stuck. Noone in my family knows about his gambling. His family has an idea, but they can’t seem to help talk sense into him. I don’t know what to do and I feel helpless and alone.

[velvet]

Hello Jazmyn

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Jazmyn
Without treatment a gambling addiction will get worse which suggests to me that your husband is unlikely ever to get out of debt unless he seeks support. I hope that the friends and relatives who have enabled him in the past are now refusing to do so.
It is difficult within a marriage for a spouse to refuse to enable when she is looking after her children financially and clearing the bills to maintain a home for them.
I will never suggest that you leave or stay within your marriage, that decision must always be yours but I can hear your sadness and I wish that I could offer you more hope.
I feel for you feeling so alone and I hope you may get some comfort from knowing that there is somebody here listening to you and understanding what you are going though. Why have you not confided in your family? I know how difficult it can be to get support from family and friends who have not lived with the addiction to gamble but it seems to me that you could really do with on the ground support. Neither you, nor your husband asked for or wanted his addiction; there should be no shame in admitting that this terrible situation exists for you, you are not to blame.
Maybe you could inform your husband that you have sought support for yourself because you are taking his gambling seriously and it is damaging your well-being and the well-being of his children.
Is your husband’s behaviour distressing your children? Do you have a good relationship with his family? Can you talk to any of his family about how you feel?
I am going to leave my first reply there because I want to get this posted so that you can know you have been heard.
I will walk with you for as long as you want me to do so Jazmyn. I really do understand.
Velvet

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