Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #5969
    nkremzar
    Participant

    Good day Forum.
    I just joined yesterday and was overwhelm to see so many people going through the same crisis which I am going through for over 3 years now. This nightmare never seems to go away. In fact, it looks like it just gets worst over time. I, as many other parents on this forum love my son, but this addiction as over taken him and its ruining our relationship. I don’t trust my son any longer, I second guess on whatever he tells me, I am always checking up on where he is, I am always in a panic when he doesn’t answer his phone. This is not the way to live! At the end of the day, no matter how supportive I have been and how loving I am with him, he still managers to let this addiction get the better of him and lands up gambling and every time the amount just gets bigger.
    He is a student at university, so doesn’t work. I don’t give him any allowance because of this addiction…everything he needs daily living, I purchase online for him or I will pay for a movie ticket for him and his girlfriend. I have gone to most of the casinos to have him banned from entering, but he still manager to get money and gamble huge amount.
    I feel so lost. I don’t know what to do. I feel like he is the master of manipulation. How do I draw a line between my love for my son or is it the addict that I’m loving and my son is long gone?

    #5970
    Redare
    Participant

    Hi,
    I feel your pain and know where you are just now. I WAS there about a year ago and then I found this site. That was when I stopped enabling my son and believing the lies his addiction was telling me. Is it any easier today – not yet. HOPE – yes and more important you will get strength from the lovely friends and family on this site. Xx

    #5971
    worriedmama
    Participant

    Ditto Redare’s comments. Trying to detach from your son is exceedingly difficult for a mom.

    If you can find a way to supporting your son without enabling the addict you will start to find some peace of mind. Not easy but a necessity. I have struggled to find this balance for years!

    I hope you are able to make the chat on this forum. Having support is vital to staying sane.

    Cathyx

    #5972
    nkremzar
    Participant

    Good Morning Redare and thanks for being in the support group last night. Like I said….first time this week I laughed and felt lighter. I understand this journey wont be easy, but at least I am not walking alone.
    Have a great day further.
    xoxoxo

    #5973
    nkremzar
    Participant

    Good Morning Cathy (worriedmama)
    I have read your thread the first day being on this site and wanted to thank you for sharing. The saying goes sharing is caring and that is so true. I managed to be on the chat last night and it was such a burden offload. I feel like I have fight in me again and most important is to put ME first and like you said- STOP BEING THE ENABLER.
    Have a great day futher
    xoxoxo

    #5974
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Nk
    Although your last post was a reply to another, I know how disappointing it is to not know if you were heard or not, so here I am to tell you that indeed you are being heard.
    I think that if we get another group like last week we could use ‘What is an Enabler’ as our topic. It seems to me that there is a fine line between educating your children and then becoming this thing called an Enabler. As your child is growing you want to educate/enable them to have a good life when they become independent because that is the natural order of things. There is a feeling of failure when the child does not achieve the independence that was hoped for but instead is gripped by something that has caused them to lose control just as they should be flying free. Sadly too it is like a stone thrown in to a pond where the ripples spread outward and the parent/ spouse/siblings feel the control of their own lives slipping away – it is this feeling that creates the Enabler.
    The addiction to gamble will sabotage trust in a family, causing unrest and confusion because in division the addiction can get the enablement it seeks. In my own case I did everything wrong for all the right reasons and it wasn’t until I gained knowledge and put myself before my CG’s addiction that I began a long recovery.
    Where do you think you are enabling? What actions have you tried? These are rhetorical questions but examining what action we have taken and then discussing the outcome of the action we took can lead us try something different that we had not considered before. Left with questions whizzing round in our brains we just go round and round which is detrimental to the inner ear and causes dizziness leaving one falling further and further into ‘blob-hood’ – I know because I have been there.
    Looking forward to ‘seeing’ you in a group again where I hope we can raise a smile or two but in the meantime please keep posting because knowledge really is power.
    Velvet (ex top of the Blobs)

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