[Hawkman]

I could post a long story but rather keep it simple. I overthink. I must admit I am addicted to slots. I have wasted more money and time that I would ever want to admit. I realize it is a disease. I don’t have a switch that says, “You lost too much. Stop.” or one that sayd, “Walk away while you are winning.” I need help. I vow today is the last day of my gambling life. I need to put my finances in order and fix my life. I appreciate help. I feel so lost often. I am so tired of being an addict, lying, sneaking, wasting money.

[brenda01]

Wow……every word in your post was like looking in the mirror. Lying and sneaking was what I had done for years.

I think you will find what others write, helpful.

[jvr3419]

Getting an accepting help is the hardest part of recovery. I found until I was fully honest about my addiction to the people in my life it just kept continuing. I didn’t have long periods of gambling mine was more really bad binges in a 2 year span but the damage I did in a short time was enough to ruin who I was inside and out. I recommend getting a counselor and a sponsor to help you do step work. You definitely will need those supports. Wishing you lots of strength

[Hawkman]

Thanks all. I feel good because today I did not stop at the casino on the way home and did not play. I did yard work and played with my kiddo, normal life. I am determined this time I am done. I never really had a big problem and went to the boats off and on for fun. It was last fall that really started the problem/ Something snapped and I just didn’t stop this time like I used to do. I think I stopped for most of January but then started up. I am done though. I like what someone said on here, “I may not be able to stop but I can NOT start.” I am making that my mental message.

[Losingitslowly]

Hawkman, put any message in your head that works to tell you to stop. The road to recovery is different for each one of us, and as @kin has alluded to, perhaps it is best to start by excluding yourself from the casino so that the temptation is not there. Where I live, if you self exclude from the casino then you are banned from being on its premises for any reason and if caught can be arrested for trespass. I know that I certainly don’t want to have to call into work arrested one day so it keeps me away. The biggest part of the battle when you are an addict is saying no in the presence of temptation so why make it harder on yourself? Have yourself banned from the casino and the temptation dissipates easier in the short run, which is the toughest to work through. I am banned from everything land based in my area and although I do have gamban on most of my devices, I can still play on a laptop in my house. The key to not gambling for me is that I had gamban on all devices during the rough patch, the first month, so that I could try to get the bug out of my brain. It has worked for me. That, and being busy all of the time so that I seldom have the “down time” that gets my mind wanting to go back to old habits. We each have what will work for us. Find out what works for you and stick to it. I don’t count the days because then it is keeping relapses and gambling in my head. I dont even think about it anymore until I hit this site, and then the support and posts keep it in check. Keep a diary, a daytimer, see a counselor go to groups. Do whatever keeps recovery working for you, but keep on mind that your mind will not always be cooperating with you so some of the decisions will make you a bit uncomfortable. Fight the discomfort and do what you must to stop yourself any way you can. Have a good, gamble free day today.

[Hawkman]

Thanks for the replies. I screwed up and wasted money on slots this weekend. I know better. I want to stop but wasted a huge part of Saturday off and on at the slots. Lost more money that could have gone to debt. I am back on the wagon. Today is day one. I am ready again. I am going to tell myself daily, “I can’t start because I can’t stop.”

[Hawkman]

The best slot experience now is going to be NO slot experience.

[Hawkman]

I am going to take steps this week to get my finances under control — debt consolidation — and then no more slots. It has taken years but I admit I am an addict. Something in my brain does not know how to say “stop chasing losses” or “you won; walk away.” Due to not being able to stop I can never win. When I win, I just lose it all back that day or the next. So why go? I can never win. I am an addict. I need to write that again to get it in my head. I cannot start because I cannot stop.

[Hawkman]

Thank you for the support. I feel I will be here often trying to get this under control.

[Author]

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