10 March 2013 at 10:22 am #11093ClarityKeymaster
This forum is a fantastic place and all I can say is its a pleasure to be in the company of men and woman who are trying to conquer this evil conditioning that we have fallen under the spell of. Its funny because the country I have just been to with work, China, did not give me a single opportunity to gamble. I could have bought a device such as an android, thats true and succumbed. But I did not. I can recall holidays where, even in sunnier nice places, I would sneak off to be on my own and go on the internet for an hour to look at the football results or other quite sensible excuse, that my partner would not see as suspicious and then continue my clever little gambling, then come back to her, either smug that Id won a bit of money, or moody because Ive just blown a load of cash and realise, it could have paid for things on a holiday that I would never dream of paying out for, like that dream helicopter ride or that Michelin starred restaurant meal.
When I think of the stupidity of these actions, I want to scream with the bitter regret and utter wasted time and what the gambling has taken from me. Yes, as others have said many time, its actually takes our souls, slowly, as if it was a friend who is always there, pretending to comfort, giving us releases of serotonin in the base of our brain, adrenaline rushes through our veins, our little supportive pal , always invisible to everyone else, but we know the comfort blanket is there, just urging us to go the bookies, log on, hit the casino, press the shiny button, listen to the sound of money dropping, shiny coins everywhere, the plethora of sights hitting out retinas, lights flashing WOW, how we all know our own particular vices so well. That my friends is the description I give to the friend who has been there with me for 30 years !!! Do any of us want a secret friend ???
I choose life. I want that fancy meal every time from now on instead of the £500 spin on red. What an absolute idiot I was. This disease may be with me always, that is a cross I may have to accept. But I will ignore it with a zealousness and keep remembering what it has taken from me and all of us.
Wishing you all the very best, not of luck, but of strength and willpower.
Time to start living……………………………..for every single one of us. Its up to our ACTIONS now !! Today, I will not gamble.
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