[SinusDD]

Hi all

I am a 35 year old and over the last 20 years, I have gambles away 500k or more – on sports, casino, trading, online and offline. It was always a problem and despite many many day 1s, I was never really able to stop. It’s a disaster.

I am lucky because I have a beautiful family with a partner (who knows the problem but is not aware of the extent of the struggle) and a little baby boy. I have a very well pod job and people would say, „hey this guy has a comfortable life“.

Over the last 5 days I just have lost 10k that my brother wanted to savekeep for him. I don’t have any debt though. And the good news is, I can keep it again as a secret somehow. What it takes is lies and made up stories. I am so sick of it.

I realize I can’t do it on my own and I also came to the conclusion that it’s very unlikely for me to succeed in this next attempt. Some of you guys know how devastating this is.

Why can I just not stop? I m 35 years old and I have the feeling my life is totally consumed by this addiction.

Thanks for reading this.

[SinusDD]

All

I read a number of threads today in this forum. It seems there are so many commonalities: even if your first bet is a win, it turns out to be a loss and that it ends in lies and sadness, for many in loneliness, something i have felt many many times for years

Maybe it’s weird to say that: I always loved that feeling to be successful with the gambling, it never lasted long tho until the losses kicked in. The end is miserable, but the problem is before. Only a day now

[jim1818]

Dear Sinus,
Coming here & sharing your struggle is a great start. What always works for me is to ban myself from everything gambling related and on the spiritual side – to be more grateful that I have a job, a family that supports me and a good health. I realized the buzz that i used to look for in gambling can also be obtained from other sources i.e. walking in the nature, spending time with family & friends, watching romcoms and many other simple things. I just had to stop & really live life again. You can too & we are all here rooting for you – Jim

[SinusDD]

Thanks Jim,
I appreciate your encouraging words. It’s day 3 now. I keep reading other peoples diaries, and it kind of completes my own story a bit. I don’t know if I can do it but i really need to get my life under control again.

I did the maths yesterday and the amount and time I spent on gambling is just mindblowing. I spent years and a fortune, all in exchange for an illusion, lies and sadness. I just hope I can manage my emotions and feelings better in the future. It all seems easy as I am writing this, but the moment these thoughts kick in, they are so hard to stop. Sometimes impossible to stop.

[risingphoenix]

Hi SinusDD. I remember you were here a few years ago, is that right? I used to browse these forums since 2017 and read so many posts but never interacted with anyone. I vaguely recognize your name as it is unique. Hope you will be able to stop before it is too late. It is great you are still not in debt. That is way better than what some of us are having to endure.

I just started posting here after I hit rock bottom last year. I was over half a million in debt last year and it was a terrible feeling and was in a miserable state. I just couldn’t continue any longer. I had to sell my house in order to pay my debts and after a lot of effort I was able to recover my situation. The key was to stay gamble free.

Try as hard as you can to stay gamble free. One day at a time!

[SinusDD]

That’s absolutely right – I actually have been trying to stop for many many years. Very often, I have lost, self excluded myself, told myself I quit and restarted.

You know how easy it is – although I like the idea of building high fences, you can still climb over them afterall.

It’s day 5 now, what seems like a small step. We will see where it goes. It seems my emotional commitment is high this time, I also use a „I am sober app“, that provides some nice quotes and tracks savings, maybe this is going to work. I try really hard.

[SinusDD]

Maybe one more thing – @risinghoenix: you can be proud of yourself. It’s one thing to promise but another thing to stick to that. I read some of your posts and it seems you are dealing with it in an extremely genuine and self reflective way. I want to follow this example. So far, everything in my life was abut self confidence, you can do this, you can do that, win or learn bla bla. I think I need to return to the basics really.
Thanks for your support 🙂

[CraigMac6]

Hello Sinus,
I hope your quit is going well. Your story is one I have enjoyed reading because it’s similar to mine.
I don’t have all the answers but I do think you need to come completely clean to your wife. I know it’s easier said than done, but you will be able to completely focus on your quit once you have nothing left to hide. The truth will set you free.
Good luck and I will be following your story. Just make it one you are comfortable with writing! Be well sir

Craig

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