[stupidgirl34]

I hurt my children and the man I love. My car is probably going to be repossessed and I am sitting here on the waiting for him to tell me if we are going to try to stay together or not. I would give anything to be able to take it all back but instead I know I will have to face the consequences of my actions. On the upside today I have no desire to go to the casino. Not that I have any money left, but even if I did, I wouldn’t want to go. Self loathing at an all time high. I will make this work!

[stupidgirl34]

Happy New Year everyone. I’m excited to see what a year of no gambling will bring. I made it through day 8 and I will do the same with day 9. It has been at ***** very hard but I know it will continue to get easier because I want to make this change. My resolution is to stay away from excuses and keep moving forward. Good luck and good wishes to you all, thanks for helping to make this easier. Hope to attend my first GA meeting tonight if it isn’t cancelled because of the holiday. Good night
I will make this work!

[chubbycat]

Hi not so stupid girl
Sorry but i dont think your name suits you because you dont come across as stupid, in fact you come across as smart because anyone who tries to better themselves and enters recovery is smart. Congrats on your days and keep them going one day at a time.
I hope you love your GA meeting
Chubby
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

[stupidgirl34]

Today they Repo’d my car. Happy New Year. I knew it was coming but it still makes me sad. It is a tangeble consequences of my actions.
I will make this work!

[desdemona]

Dear (((SG)))! I’m sorry to hear that you have had two significant losses so close to each other. First losing your dog and now having your car repossessed. It’s important to feel and express the grief attached to these events, and then to move on. You will make recovery work for you, and who knows what wonderful things 2013 holds for you, as you live gamble free. Carole 

[razzabelle]

Dear SG….First HUGE HUGS and Love from PA.  Love & Prayers to your cherished Doggy; who is now running across those beautiful fields in "The Happy Hunting Grounds"….SG, this disease is HORRIBLE…Like I said before; it takes, takes.takes, and gives NOTHING back.  I am THRILLED that you blacklisted yourself!  My Boss has offered to go with me, when I do..so I am going to talk to him tomorrow when back to work.  My what COURAGE & STRENGTH it took for YOU!  You are probably a lot STRONGER then even you realize.  About the car; oh NO.  I am behind in my payment (didn’t make December yet) and that is one of my fears.  I don’t know what to say to you, for I would be very lost without my car as the public transportation here in my part of PA is a real nightmare.  The only words of comfort I can offer you over your car situation are from my heart.  SG, the car is metal, rubber, ect…YOU are FLESH, BLOOD, REAL!  Thank God above, that you didn’t completely LOSE YOURSELF!  Show your hubby some of these posts; this disease is the DEVIL HIMSELF….Sit down with him; make him see that by blacklisting yourself you mean business.  I just loved your post about sending a photo of your paperwork to your ex, and he cried.  BEAUTIFUL.  I am praying and thinking of you SG.  PS:  I agree that "Stupid" does NOT describe YOU.  I am thinking of you as my fellow CG Angel<3 from Oklahoma……MUCH LOVE! ***  Razz You Get What You Give

[stupidgirl34]

Down today, just a little raw but no money and wouldnt gamble if I had any. Would like to crawl in bed and zone out for a couple days though

[stupidgirl34]

I was also really excited about the first GA meeting. I wanted a sponsor that was close enough to call and meet with when I am feeling down, like today, I have support from the ex and some of the few friends I have told but they aren’t CG’s so while I’m grateful for the support they don’t really get it. Having a bit of a pitty party right now, but I will have transportation after tomorrow so I’ll go to the GA meeting next Tuesday if I can get someone to pinch hit for me with the kids. I am still focused and driven though because no matter how sorry I feel for myself today it’s not as bad as gambling makes me feel.
@ Razz- thanks for the words of encouragement I needed them. I will make this work!

[bettie]

Hi SG,
So so sorry about your car. Is it too late to make any arrangement to get it back?
I know we all have to make out own mistakes but there for the Grace of God go I. I was behind on both my car and my mortgage when I found GT in Feb 2010.
When you do go to your first GA meeting I would suggest you get a chance to know a few prople before asking for a sponser. They will give you a phone list and please use it. They also have a presure relief session that I would ask for right away. It can help you with financial issues and help you make a plan to manage money and pay off creditors.
Just remember if you are like most CG’s you want everything fixed-YESTERDAY! It’s called the patience of a cg. I know it all seems dark right now but believe me it will get better. I know sometimes i just have to learn all my lessions the hard way, and sometimes God really kicks my *ss hard because thats what it takes to get my attention.
((sg))!! I’m right hear rooting for you!
bettie

[stupidgirl34]

Betty, thanks for the advice. I’m sure my outlook will be better tomorrow. Just a bad day. On the upside thank God I didn’t have any money and day 9 is in the bag.
I will make this work!

[sherry123]

Congratulations on day 9! And congratulations on having support from the ex and a few friends.  Hopefully Lee will come around when he sees you’re working at recovery and honest with him again.  I do know that people don’t get it.  I asked my husband for help, got a safe where he had the key but after a couple of weeks he thought everything was good and hung the key up where I could see it. He didn’t understand that I really needed his help. That’s too bad about your car.  Not gambling will help your finances quicker than you would think and I hope you can get yourself an inexpensive car soon. Hang in there.  Sherry

[desdemona]

Dear (((SG)))! I would look into Bettie’s suggestion about whether there is any way you can make financial arrangements to get your car back. Bettie is a wizard when it comes to things like that, due to her occupation. When there seems to be no way to do something, Bettie has a way that others haven’t thought about, or seems impossible to do. I had to laugh about what Sherry posted because my husband would have done the same thing. They just don’t get it! Congratulations on every single one of your gamble free days. Carole

[stupidgirl34]

Day 10 down. The kids are with the ex and Lee is out of town, came home to an empty house. The ex brought half my child support. I paid a bill, put a little gas in the truck I’m driving, bought cigarettes and a mt. Dew so I could be sure not to have any cash on hand tonight when I knew I’d be on my own. So even though I’m bored I made sure I couldn’t gamble. Probably go to be early. This would have been the time 11 days ago when I couldn’t wait to get to the casino, so I suppose that’s something. I will make this work!

[bettie]

Hi SG,
Glad you have some kind of transportation. Getting rid of money is a great barrier. My daughter manages the paychecks for her bf-he is an addict. She buys him gas cards that can not be used for other things. I did read somewhere about a debit card that can be loaded with cash but can’t be used at a casino or bar. Good management skills for those of us who have no other person who can manage their cash.
No cash=no gamble.
Do you have a library? Free entertainment. Recovery books, dvd’s. There are a lot of free things that can be fun. I had no money when my daughter was growing up. I lived with my sister-we were both divorced with girls 18 months apart. We scraped up money for a family pass for swimming and went almost every day. We also made an adventure of going to different parks and the girls loved it.
Another good source for recovery books is ebay. Goodwill lists them for  flat fee-around 4-5 dollars. I good investment in recovery. Anything by Melodie Beatty is always good.
bettie

[gamblingvictim13years]

You Can Do THIS!!!!! Even if You and Lee don’t work out, you’ll be great!!!!! All of the people who love you, Real and On-line will support you!!!! Your Kids and I love you unconditionally!!!! Signed her ex….

[stupidgirl34]

Here goes day 11, I will NOT gamble todayI will make this work!

[stupidgirl34]

Thanks Chip for the comment. Tonight I am feeling disconnected, depressed, sad, angry, overwhelmed and alone! I made it through today without gambling and I will NOT gamble tomorrow. I know my fellow CG’s are supportive it’s just been a heck of a ride the last two weeks. I need a good happy moment on this horrible roller coaster that I have been riding of late. I known this is all a mess of my own making but I just can’t get ahold of my emotions tonight. Think I’ll go to bed and hope for a brighter day tomorrow. No need to respond, I’m ok really, just needed to vent.
I will make this work!

[hetty]

((((sg)))) its normal to feel sad early in recovery, I know I was. I was grieving that I could not continue gambling something that I loved doing. (regardless of what disaster followed in its footsteps).
It gets easier, hang in there your doing great.
You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

[chubbycat]

Hi SG keep going, hang in there, you are doing really really well… it is hard in recovery some days, just because we dont gamble doesnt mean everything is rosey but its usually better than the aftermath of gambling.. i struggle badly too some days, keep your chin up, keep coming here..i sometimes go on and on and on when i post here and was going to take a break but then i realized that is part of what is helping me to be in recovery.. always reach out, its when we dont trouble happens
Chubby
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

[stupidgirl34]

Day 12 down. Had planned to treat myself to a dinner out but someone forgot to put money in my account so I am stuck at home alone with no cash, no gas and four cigarettes, not a happy girl. And I got a ticket today for out of date tags in the borrowed truck I’m driving.. I think to myself jeez at least gambling had some ups every now an again! But I know that’s just the CG in me talking

[desdemona]

Dear (((SG)))! Wow! You must have done something right to have an ex who is still so supportive and loving towards you. Were you aware that the vehicle didn’t have up to date tags? Sorry that happened to you and that "someone" forgot to put money in your account so that you could treat yourself. I sometimes forget how difficult early recovery can be but I can promise you that it does get a whole lot easier over time. Hang in there and be the best you can be for your kids and yourself. Congratulations on 12 days of freedom from this nasty, horrible disease we have. Carole

[stupidgirl34]

Headed into day 13 with a slightly more optimistic outlook

[stupidgirl34]

Can’t believe that tomorrow will be day 14. Two weeks with no gambling. I can’t say it’s been a fun two weeks but I am proud. Goodnight, time to pit day 13 to bed and get ready for day 14. I will not gamble tomorrow.
I will make this work!

[stupidgirl34]

Made it through day 14 and 15. Had money in my account both days but didn’t gamble. I’m pretty proud of that. I had a few minor urges but nothing too bad. Hoping my mom will pinch hit for me tomorrow evening with the kids so I can attend my first GA meeting. I’m pretty excited about that possibility. Trying to stay out of depression and things are better on that front than they were last week.
I will make this work!

[hetty]

You will make it! Keep going the way you are, you are doing well. hope you get to attend meeting tomorrow.You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

[stupidgirl34]

I didn’t get to attend my meeting but that was my choice. The weather was bad so I knew my mom didn’t need to drive 30 min and then keep my kids until way after dark. I decided that all those little moments that I put gambling before my kids were selfish. I won’t gamble again and I won’t put my recovery before them either. Last night they needed me to take them and pic them up from their various practices. Tuesday nights is the only night of the week that their activities keep us busy on a regular basis. So I stayed home and did the mom duties. Next week Lee will be home so I know he can pick them up and take them where they need to go. I hope one day to be far enough alone and strong enough in my recovery to make it possible to have a GA meeting in my area. I’m sure there is a need.
In the mean time I’m going to keep taking it a day at a time
I will make this work!

[stupidgirl34]

Day 17 down. I’m glad, it was a tough one

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