[joshd444]

a bit about me and how things have gotten to the complete mess that they are today. I have been completely addicted to gambling since i was 17 and for these past 9 years my life has been close to a complete and utter mess for the most part of it. i have had maybe two months gamble free since then and my life has been lived between one gambling expsrience and the next. Even when i win its only temperary because it will eventually be put back.
H
I have had every intention of stopping and living a normal life but i have always gone back to gambling. Counsillinh self banning myself from venues etc have had no difference what so ever. Over the years i have sold pfetty much everything ive ever owned stolen from my family and others got myself into large amount of debts and spent countless nights huddeled in a corner trying to firgure out how to undo todays actions.
The last month has been just anorher chaptsr in my self destruction. Even though i have bad credit im on a sickness benefit i still managed to get a 10000 loan from the bank. Of course this only took a couple of weeks to lose to leave in a finicial mess that i am able to pay back orable to make payments towards but even that wasnt rock bottom. Since then still the same thing happens every day i get payed straight to the tab to lose it all again.
That brings us to tonifht after todays episode im sitting here writing this feeling a complere and utter depressed lonely lowlife loser of a person. I dont want to live like this anymore i want to have a normal life but i know that more than likely i will gamble again.Im so horribly addicted to this i dont feel that i will ever be able to stop. I am a coward the hard thing to do would be to stop but i never do anything thats hard.I wish to god i was dead i wish to god i was so i could finally be free if this awful demon. I just dont know what to do anymore. Why is it that i seem to choose to live my life like this?
Josh

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