24 May 2015 at 11:10 pm #30410ClarityKeymaster
1 people never really trust you again
2 people view you as a different (in not a good way ) person
3. You feel ashamed when u meet people u have been honest with
4. U stress that they will reveal to others
5. U get paranoid that everyone knows
6. U want to hide in your bed all day
7 everything that goes wrong is blamed on your gambling.
8. It give the nasty people in your life ammunition
9. Once its out it can never be taken back if u feel differently later on
10 . Instead of a secret shame u now have a public shame
11. Your work could be in jeopardy
12 you feel inferior
13 you feel you have most your right to comment on matters a sur judgement is so poor
14. It allows the martyrs in your life to sigh and heave and relish their “poor me” status even more
15 you feel watched all the time
OMG this list could go on forever!!
24 May 2015 at 11:11 pm #30411AnonymousGuest
Lost us right to comment
24 May 2015 at 11:18 pm #30412veraParticipant
I agree with a lot of that Happy,
The truth hurts but a lie shames!
If other people have problems with honesty, it’s their problem not yours!
Liars need a good memory!
I always say we need to exercise prudence before we decide who to open up to!
No point in shooting yourself in the foot!
24 May 2015 at 11:21 pm #30413AnonymousGuest
Yeah good point Vera
Those in our own homes or close relatives are not always the best people.
I think it would be easier with someone I just met cos they will have zero expectations of me !!
25 May 2015 at 12:05 am #30414kpatParticipant
I only told a few people……
They probably have shared it with everyone else! My own sister, who is my closest friend told my sister-in-law, so now everbody knows. I told that lady at the play during Christmas and the other day at work one of my sales people had heard it from her.
I have to look at it like this, I am not perfect, they already knew that! I try not to worry about what other people think, but sometimes…..you can’t help but feel their judgement. It is a sort of accountability to me I think. If I fail, they are watching. It becomes another barrier. The people that love me still love me. The people that are self-righteous have their own issues to deal with and that is much worse than what I am trying to overcome. I don’t have to worry about them. They must never have liked me anyway. (Benefit of honesty: you find out who your true friends are).
I agree with Vera, you have to be selective, but there is really no such thing as a secret. Tell one, tell all! But you know, I shame myself more than any of them could anyway. I have to deal with what I have done, what I still want to do. They only have to talk behind my back. I would rather that than my face,.at least then I can pretend it’s not happening or what they are saying is kind:)
25 May 2015 at 2:14 am #30415LibertyParticipant
agree 100% easier with people that you have never met, that was what I found when I went on the GMA woman’s programme, no preconceived ideas.
25 May 2015 at 2:18 am #30416LibertyParticipant
The positive of honesty is
This is me this is who I am, reminds me of
How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
25 May 2015 at 6:13 pm #30417
“Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones”
25 May 2015 at 7:38 pm #30418AnonymousGuest
Yeah but maybe that’s not the most important thing for everyone ..
26 May 2015 at 7:48 pm #30419twilight16Participant
I so appreciate your reply on my thread here on the other side; as I post mostly on the F & F forum; reading what you went through as a teenager gave me a chill, being a reminder of how childhood experience are still in our memories. I’ll never forget when my mom would stress over about the unpaid bills and my dad would say, “At least there is a roof over your head.” Really? It doesn’t take away from the fact that the house was in dire need of repair. Anyway, your memory, struck one in mine. Going back to yours, I smiled reading how your dad gave you money for the things you needed. This also reminds me of my mother and her little money stash she had, changing it often so dad wouldn’t come across it to spend on gambling. How is your mum now?
The addiction wants you to feel shame of your failings because it is cruel like that. It uses it to get you to gamble again, giving you false hope that you will win it big, so you can wipe free whatever failings you feel. There isn’t a person alive that doesn’t have failings, when you think about it, they are springboards to success. I have my fairshare, but they are not to ever make me feel guilty. We are not perfect, nor will we ever be. Whenever you feel down about them, just remind yourself you are not alone.
For the amount of cg out in the world, these boards should be pumping out a thread every minute. You are ahead of many as you are aware that gambling is not something that suits you. It gets you angry, stresses you out, and for now it is controlling you. I think you give it too much credit, saying you can’t stop, because you can. Take baby steps, spend more time with your son. Schedule activites with him, if you are going to gamble. If you feel like gambling, remember what happens afterwards. You gamble, you lose, then you’re depressed, angry, etc.
I do think it is a good idea to hop over to the F & F side, we are on the flip side of the addiction. Unfortunately, many deal with cg that are in denial of their gambling. There is alot to be learned from each other, maybe you could start posting there as well.
My journey is really done, my father is in a safe place, he can’t gamble, but I think if you knew his story it would really shake you up to think about gambling. He was a successful man, had his own business, etc, however, with the years passing he lost a little at a time. However, each year he slipped deeper in his addiciton, until he lost everything and lived in a car.
My reflections are for problem gambling on all levels; I just want people to see what horror it can do to a family if not taken care of.
I wish you the best,
27 May 2015 at 10:48 pm #30420
Hi Happy your post about the downside to honesty was spot on, you could go on and on, i’m the same as you it’s an addiction thats looked down upon like we deliberately do it and know the consequences . I was in the doctors today leaflets all about help for drug addiction in the place , if your a druggie they bend over backwards for you, the doctor gave me advice on ga and sent me on my way i felt fobbed off.
27 May 2015 at 11:51 pm #30421AnonymousGuest
Thank you twilight . What a beautiful reply. I was a touched I couldn’t think how to reply.. I guess that goes back to my worrying about being judged as “bad”.
Micky I am reading your reply and really pleased u ate suppirtiny point of view ..
And then from nowhere it came Into my head that maybe those who are honest have more success at stopping.. Maybe they are shamed into it ..
I rem give years ago ( or possibly more ) I wrote in my opening thread thus I knew what I was going to do . I outlined a series of preventative measures I was going to take so I could not gamble.. One of the staff came on and wrote these were called barriers .
Five years later I have dropped my barriers ..I am loathe to set them high again.
On payday – Friday that is what in going to do .. I am going to buy every blocker and put everything in place I need to ..
I am leaving no avenue left to gamble..
We don’t need to be honest with others about out gambling.
We need I be honest with ourselves .
When I gamble I have no control…NONE… I am in danger of ending up homeless and alone for maybe a half am hour online fun!!
So I am taking control of this .
I am never again leaving myself exposed to a situation I can’t control!!!
I am taking control..
U know I do think I could still do my twice monthly thing at the bingo.. Slots are my poison.. I always bring a set amount with me..
However online I am out of control….that is where I need to set the highest barriers possible !!
I am taking control!!
I rem when I stopped for a really long time before.. Two things helped..
They used to have that nightly lotto thing so the promise of that small fix every evening seemed to keep the huge crazy urges at bay.
I had a really good gambling blocker on my Internet devices ..
How did I relapse? ..After computer repairs when my blocker was removed !!
So it’s something. I have to plan for … But there u go ..
I know the advice is to abstain altogether but this sends me into frenzies urges ..
Keeping trying !!
28 May 2015 at 9:53 am #30422DuncKeymaster
Sorry this isn’t original, but Charles answer to me says it all
“Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones”
Happy, honesty is the one tool you have to allow you to make choices about your future, there is no downside to honesty… if there is then maybe the downside needs to be questioned for it validity
I want to post a few links to you…. things we’ve talked about this morning, and hopefully you’ve found or will find the time to make the post that you had 3 mins to make
Women’s Gambling treatment programme,This would be free but you would need to fund your travel
Happy, please remember that no one is attacking you, there fighting your addiction, its progressive .. you need to make a decision how far you are prepared to let the addiction progress before you say “Enough”
No one is fight you Happy, everyone who cares will fight your addiction, challenge your motivations…
28 May 2015 at 12:33 pm #30423AnonymousGuest
Yeah I know ..Harry . It kinda clicked with me when i read mickys reply …I kinda thought the difference between us is that the people who are honest are more likely to be in recovery, but was too pig headed to write it like that.
I agree with you Harry also that I am feeling attacked … But I do realise this is a symptom of my addiction progressing further. I know I have been ungrateful to those who have been helping me ( sorry Charles !!) but I guess I want that magic pill. I can’t believe at times that this is me … Me who got a third level education despite the odds being stacked against me , who got a great job despite having no contacts in the “educated” world .. I have achieved so much … (Sorry for blowing my own trumpet – we all have) and this is bringing me to my knees..
My continued failures are making me bitter, resentful.my ever increasing desire to gamble and risk it all ( I am very close to that place )is making me feel hopeless , useless.
I don’t know ..
I am going to spend a lot on these blockers and gambling barriers . I am going to explore residential treatment ..
I owe it to myself to put the same determination, “ambition “, drive , energy, hope , self -belief into beating this .
I don’t feel hopeful… But I am trying to convince myself !!
28 May 2015 at 12:46 pm #30424veraParticipant
Good to hear you are feeling more upbeat, Happy.
I agree that being “honest”with everyone may not always be the best idea. It may not be honesty at all. I know I often told people I shouldn’t have told. There is a fine line between honesty and prudence.
Any idea why you would want to “gamble and risk it all”?
28 May 2015 at 1:12 pm #30425AnonymousGuest
I don’t want to Vera ….
28 May 2015 at 4:17 pm #30427AnonymousGuest
Can u put gambling block on blackberry ? Is that the same as android?
28 May 2015 at 7:06 pm #30428
Happy, why not get a phone that makes calls and texts only? Then a cheap lap top that you know you can get a good blocker for?
28 May 2015 at 7:40 pm #30429AnonymousGuest
Mmm … Charles .. I am addicted to smart phones…. Can’t imagine life without checking GT a hundred times a day!! It a my addictive personality
28 May 2015 at 7:56 pm #30430AnonymousGuest
I just remembered …(no lectures please !!!) that when I didn’t have my own smart phone I used to “borrow” my husband ‘s…
… To gamble
I think I need my phone .. No excuse to borrow his!!
28 May 2015 at 10:17 pm #30431
Hi happy i write down 3 things im grateful for everyday i wake up , got the idea off someone on a different site, will deffo put my gt friends on tomorrow just for you . i suppose you could write any amount of things, it does make you feel positive i put them on stick its then place them above my desktop so i only have to glance up and there they are 🙂
28 May 2015 at 10:30 pm #30432AnonymousGuest
OMG I just found out tonight that my”closest ” friend has been filling my head with lies !! Well at least she has a convenient memory.
How did I find out ?
Cos i asked her about something she told me in the past and she completely denied it -well has no recollection and says she didn’t say it. I have avoided a person because of this ..!! It’s not the first time but this was a big issue at the time .
I am having to re-examine all I thought .. Cos her confidences/ warnings may have misled me about so many people ..
Reeling…. Thinking … Looking back … Wondering .. God have I misread everything. .
That’s what I mean .. Who needs friends ??!
Tomorrow – new start !!
29 May 2015 at 6:25 pm #30433
How did it make you feel Happy? Would you have preferred her to be honest?
30 May 2015 at 1:05 am #30434
I once asked a priest if he told lies he replied no but sometimes avoided the truth. Maybe your friend had genuinely forgotten i think you shouldn’t jump to any conclusions just yet , think it through first 🙂 M.
1 June 2015 at 9:48 pm #30436pParticipant
Hope you are ok i have been through a bad patch of late and not been here, missed seeing everyone even though it was only short while, just hoping you are ok
12 June 2015 at 12:08 am #30437AnonymousGuest
it made me feel that like gambling i get addicted to people..i focus too much on one or two instead of having lots of friends …and they can be controlling!!
3 August 2016 at 8:35 am #30438danchaserParticipant
Twilight16 ~ “The addiction wants you to feel shame of your failings because it is cruel like that. It uses it to get you to gamble again, giving you false hope that you will win it big, so you can wipe free whatever failings you feel.”
What amazing insight and truth.
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