31 July 2013 at 9:47 am #9358imcompulsiveParticipant
This is the first time I have ever told anybody this.
I am a compulsive gambler and gambling destroyed my future.
I am 24 years old and I have lost 150k in the last six months or so. 15 minutes ago, I lost the remaining 3 thousand I had left on my bank account. Sometimes I contemplate suicide. Not only because of the amount of money I lost, but more importantly I feel like I have destroyed my future and can’t get over “what could have been”.
Not sure where to start, but I have always been the “smartest kid” in the room. Growing up, I have been extremely interested in business and investing. My idols have always been the likes of Warren Buffet and George Soros. When I got my drivers license in grade 11, I bought a 1990 nissan beater for 400$ and sold it for $1000. From there on, I started buying/selling used cars and had started a small ebay business. By the time I graduated, I had saved up about 50k. On my 18th birthday, I opened a brokerage account. It was 2008, and the financial crisis was in full swing and I saw opportunities everywhere. Through a series of value investments and arbitrages on MBOs and LBOs my savings soon balloned to 100k by 2009. I bought a B share of Berkshire Hathaway that year and flew to Omaha for the now famous annual shareholders meeting and saw my childhood idol Warren Buffet in person. I had money, a beautiful girlfriend and life was good.
One day, I went to the library to study for an exam and I saw my friend playing zynga poker. He convinced me to play with him on facebook. A few days later, I was playing for real money with the first deposit being $20. Soon I was obsessed and I would go to the library intending to study but always end up playing poker on my laptop and completely neglected my investments. I ended up with a 2.5 gpa my first year in University and ended up not getting into business school. I saw myself as a completely logical and never played any sort of games with negative expectations like casino games. I was soon making money from poker on a constant basis. The following summer I took my poker bankroll to Las Vegas and played at the bellagio for a few months. Slowly i grinded myself into a 20k profit and ended up losing most of it by the end of my trip. To me, that was it. That gambling life is not for me i thought.
When I got back from my trip, I stopped gambling and got my life back on track. I worked out regularly and studied with an purpose. Second year of Uni I ended up getting a 4.0 GPA and actually had the highest marks in almost of my classes. I felt great. With my freshly minted transcript, I sent out an cover letter and resume to every hedgefund, investment bank in the country. Actually ended up getting a internship with a local hedge fund. Life was good again.
One day, I read a article online about this guy who used statistical methods in sports betting and had won millions before he graduated. Soo I got into sports betting. Again, I became obsessed and ended up flunking two interviews with two big four investment banks, one for derivative trading the other for mergers and arbitrage. For those of you who works in Finance, you will know that those interviews require a lot of preparation and internship during school usually ends with fulltime employment upon graduation. I ended up settling for a corporate internship. Sports betting at this point was finally catching on to me, I actually did well and achieved an 10% roi in the first year. Except when I lost, I always bet more and more.
When i got back to school, I started sports betting almost on a fulltime basis. I took two courses a term and put all my energy on sports betting. At this point I considered myself a professional, I made money albeit with huge swings and at one point I had 200k with 150k on my sports betting account. I barely passed my courses. I thought I was going to be a millionire by the time i’m 25. For sure I thought so who cares about school. Ofcourses there had to be an end to all this arrogance and one day I started betting my usual 5k on a game, eventually by the end of the day I had 50k on the game. Ofcourse, I lost. I proceeded to chase losses and bet 30k a game on a further 2 games and lost them all. I barely ate or slept for the next two weeks an deposited the rest of my money. However, at this point I was no longer handicapping games, I was simply chasing losses to make my money back and soon it was all gone and I had 20k left. I took a month off and convinced my girlfriend to stake me 20k so I had a total of 40k. This way i could continue to bet the larger amounts i was accustomed to. I made 80k back within a week and proceeded to tell my girlfriend of how much money we made. One day after a few losses, the compulsion bug kicked in again and I soon lost all the money in a matter of days.
I haven’t had the balls to tell her that i had lost all our money (I said i lost half). My parents still think I have alot of savings from my investments, but in reality I sold them a year and a half ago to gamble. Because I have barely passed my courses the last year and a half, my jobs prospects looks grim and I will probably not find a job in finance. i only have 6 courses left. I mean who wants to hire somebody who gets 2.5 in one year 4.0 the next and then take two courses a term for the next two years. For the last year and a half, I secluded my self and pretty much don’t have any connections at this point. I used to be considered good looking but I have a belly now. I got into a habit of being scrubby and hardly ever take care of myself now.
I read in from some of the posts that some posters rather get hookers than blow the money on gambling and it apparently helps with the compulsion/adrenaline.But my gf is about a 8.5 and i want to marry her in a year or two. If i didn’t have her still, I wouldn’t really have much left. I have about 2k in my bank accounts and I am not sure how I am going to pay my tuition in september. Even if i do find a job after graduation, I will be making 100k less than what I should have been making. I can’t find any motivation to work or study. I wake up from bad dreams and in my dreams i’m 19 again. I think about what I should have been every day.
Longstory short, I ****ed myself.11 December 2014 at 2:30 am #9359jackwilsonParticipant
I wanted to check in to see how you are doing. Please keep us posted.
Your future is as bright as you want it to be as long as you don’t gamble.
-Jack20 February 2015 at 2:04 pm #9360I_MaverickParticipant
Dude, you are still young. As long as you do not gamble any more, because if you continue to gamble, you will have nothing. A very wise man said to me that you have to avoid the 2nd bet – that way you’ll never make the first bet.
This site is great, it is really helping me. I just had what I hope is my final relapse. My wife is in turmoil now, but I know I can sort it.
I see that your post was a few years ago so I hope you are ok.
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