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    • #52522

      There is so much about it that I don’t like! I don’t smoke and these places are filled with chain smokers, cigars and vapors that burn my eyes and permeate my clothes and hair. I don’t like being around angry people who smash the buttons or fill the air with tension. Or the tweaker who is pretending to charge a broken phone and flits around watching my screen. Then there is the individual who tries to strike up a conversation but they are giving me fake compliments hoping I will give them some money.

      I don’t like putting my hard earned money into a machine that eats every bill like a gluttonous cash cyborg. I don’t like driving 30 plus miles and burning the gas where I can’t really think of anything else except going through those doors and throwing my money away. One time I was getting gas and I was so distracted that for the first time in my life I started to back up with the gas hose sill inserted into my car! I don’t like the obsessive thinking, and rationalizations I use on myself to seduce myself into going one more time. I don’ t like observing people who have that blank stare and empty look of painful addiction.
      I hate it when I have my bank card and make false promises to myself. When I ‘m in the grip of the insanity I find myself putting all my winnings back in and then hitting the ATM, sometimes until my account is empty! I loathe myself for falling prey to the carefully designed deceptive allure of the new digital slots where the odds are always with the house. The spinning wheels are not even authentic, it is a flat screen full of beautiful images and hauntingly rhythmic sounds. I hate my thoughts about other people who dare to sit near me and infiltrate my little digital world or scan looks at my screen while I am playing.

      I hate the lack of self-control and the compulsion that drives me to act irresponsibly as I chase the validation from a machine for the win or desperately try to recover my losses! I hate the ride home: win or lose I still feel badly about myself. There have been a couple of beautiful days where I was just going to “stop in” for a little bit and I have walked out hours later broke, facing a joyless black night. How did I let the opportunity to be fully alive and enjoy the day turn into irrational spending in a hellish cavern of mesmerizing illusions where I lie to myself for hours?

    • #52523

      Hello Nosafe and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #52524

      I also hate all of those things!

    • #52525

      If you added in the repeat cycle of registering on online casinos and putting in withdrawl information, providing i.d. and copies of this and that, like you were actually ever going to cash out anything at all, you would be me. I hate most things about casinos. Theres no smoking here, but the place is filled with desperate looking people. Some are elderly some look like vagrants. Smacking the buttons, the screen, yelling in anger and frustration, like it would ever do any good to confront the machine. The defeated people walking to their cars. Waiting for the bus. Never do you think that that will be you in a few hours. It is a sad reality that that will be you, and you will have that ride of shame. And you will forget all of it in a few short days or weeks as you think about the shiny casino and all the flashing lights. I am doing the same thing this week. I havent gambled for 3 weeks and havent been to a casino o for months. I have free play for my birthday….. I am fighting with myself over the free play. It’s free money. If I only take that and a little cash and no bank cards…..its the struggle to see if I can do it and try to control my urges knowing I am a cg. The casinos aren’t my big issue. Its online that is and I am trying g to justify going. Hope you are well and that the poison from these places doesnt get to you anymore.

    • #52526

      I am exactly the same
      So many times I’ve lied to myself and said I’ll leave if I lose 50
      End up losing way more than I can afford
      Have to lie and borrow
      Hate what the machines have changed about me and my life

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