Hi. I am the 44 year old wife of a CG, we have been together 15 years. Last week I finally had enough and asked him to leave. The subsequent week has been excruciating.
The shame I feel is almost unbearable. I cannot come to terms with the fact that I was so stupid for so long and that I didn’t realize something was wrong. I am not a sucker – so how did I let this happen? I have found out my husband has been gambling quite heavily for the last 5 years. I am over $70K in debt. Last week, after one too many times at my bank machine and a “Declined” alert, I finally lost it. He admitted that he had been gambling, which was not the first admission in the past 6 months, and I had told him then that if he did it again it was over. So when I finally realized last Tuesday what was happening, I carried through with my threat and asked him to leave. I told him I would not consider any attempt at reconciliation until after he had committed to inpatient rehab.
I know you can’t force anyone to get help, so I know that he must commit himself to that if he truly wants help. I know I can’t help him with that. I also know I have to focus on myself right now, so I can try to climb out of this financial nightmare. I asked him to respect my space and to leave me alone.
Since then, he says he has been to GA meetings. He also says he has been trying to find a rehab facility for gamblers. He said they don’t exist in our province of Canada and that if he were to go to rehab it would have to be under the auspices of alcoholism (quite frankly, that wouldn’t hurt him one bit). He says he has been staying at a shelter and can’t sleep and all he needs is a place to stay so he can figure out this rehab stuff. I want to support him, but I think letting him back would be detrimental, so I am holding pretty firm with that, although I have ok’d his access to the house while I am at work (after I have hidden anything of value).
I have a good job and make good money. My husband is self employed and has always handled our finances (again, stupid, stupid me). I guess I just need to know if I am on the right track. I have been reading a lot of the forums and have been assisted by the online help on this site, and your compassion and straightforwardness are amazing. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
