5 February 2013 at 2:24 pm #11260fuuuuuu66Participant
This is Day 1 for me. i hope life gets better.
I hope you are all well and doing okay.
I was searching for help online and came across this website which seems a blessing as I cannot think of any other way to start my road to permanent recovery.
I started gambling in 2009. I started a small company in 2006 which was doing okay until the recession closed it in 2009.
On the brink of collapse, I registered on an online gambling website and started playing roulette. I am now 38 years old (i’ll be 39 on the 11th of February) I had never gambled before then, so it was overwhelming to win and devastating to loose.
My gambling slowly spiraled out of control until I started seeing a counselor in 2011.
I stopped for some months and then started again when i needed some money to pay some bills but ended up loosing it all.
I stopped smoking in 2001 by myself and haven’t smoked since, so I always thought I could stop gambling no matter how hard people described it online. I was wrong. It seems a bit crazy when i don’t want to gamble, I know i shouldn’t, but do it anyway. I have never felt so helpless and useless.
I am normally have amazing self control, I am determined, ambitious and driven. I have 3 post graduate degrees and am considered to be bright and intelligent. I cannot understand the strength of the urge to play roulette even when I know it will ruin my life. I don’t know what to do but i know i need to stop and I have stopped today. The true test will be when I receive my next payment at the middle of the month. I know I will no gamble again because I feel like I am at the end of the road. I cant handle it anymore.
I am a grown man, typing and crying because I have never felt this way before. I have never though of giving up before and it feels so bad. I am afraid to tell my wife because she thinks i have stopped and i fear that i may loose her and my 3 children. I wish i never played roulette. I wish I never played.
I feel like leaving and just not existing anymore. I wish i never gambled.
This is Day 1 for me. i hope life gets better.5 February 2013 at 4:08 pm #11261DuncKeymaster
Thank you for posting on the Gambling Therapy forum. As you are a GB resident you are entitled to free online support through the Gamcare website at http://www.gamcare.org.uk/ .
You could also consider residential treatment which you can find out more about by following the below link:
Can I suggest that you now copy and paste your post into one of the Gamcare forums where you will receive responses from others in a similar situation to you from all over Great Britain.
You can also access online or face to face group support through Gamblers Anonymous:
We wish you well in your recovery.
"You may never know what results come from your actions. But if you do nothing there will be no result". – Mahatma Gandi5 February 2013 at 6:16 pm #11262paul315Participant
Originally posted by fuuuuuu66
… I started gambling in 2009 … but, … i know i need to stop and I have stopped today …
Good afternoon F6. my mane is Larry and I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was October 17, 2013, but I stopped gambling in ’09 the year to started. I have made it past both my starting date that I can not pin down to any definite time, it gradually went from entertainment, to an attraction, to my crossing the line and becoming addicted, past my crash a few months back, to the present. Now I have progressed past both my starting and stopping date and my newest clean date into daily living a better a more normal life One Day At A Time. You can do this too, but the true test is today, not in the middle of the month; use today as the day for one of your wishes from the past to change into a desire for you to not gamble in the now, and in the future — your wish or need to stop can be granted today. Use today to begin fulfilling the hope of a better life for you and your family by working on your recovery and the changes in your life that is required for you to stay stopped, any needed changes in your lifestyle, thinking, and your attitude, and changes in your addictive controlled need to live in a *** and deceit. "Without change there will be no change".
Thanks for coming here and sharing your story, you and your story are important to us, we in recovery need to be reminded at ***** about the problems that gambling brings without us having to go out to test the waters ourselves. Hearing from compulsive gamblers like yourself that are newly starting on your journey that noting has changed in a life of gambling helps keep us from tempting a return to our ****.
Now that you have taken the first step by coming here and telling your story, take the next step and follow the advice and direction that Harry posted and join other compulsive gamblers form your area in using Gamcare. Also look into using additional help form a live support group like Gamblers Anonymous, the UK site is also listed in Harry’s post, You might even stop by here and read the post of others even if you can not post back and forth with those outside of Great Britian; I know that I get a lot of help form other sites that only provide information, guidance, and encouragement, without any of the interaction like you will find at Gamcare. Use all the help that is available to you and do all that you can to combat this addiction; take action and do something, you searched for this site and found it and now have found the links to other sites, keep doing and not just wishing. – "You have to go after recovery, it does not come to you".
Work at accepting the wisdom in being honest with your wife and the courage to reach out to her; she can be a great source of help to you in many ways, including having control of your having easy and unaccountable access to the monthly payments you receive and the money you spend — she can also be a good shoulder to cry on when things are bad. And if, God forbid, you have already went past any hope for forgiveness and redemption, it is better for her to know it now instead of latter when things could be even worst without her help, she deserves to live a more normal life too.
God’s speed, use your Higher Power to strengthen and guide you.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.5 February 2013 at 10:32 pm #11263blueelvis888Participant
Hi fuuuuuu66, I am okay but I must admit I have been better. Maybe about 30 years ago before I started my life destroying gambling habit. Ohh how innocent I was then I did not drink,smoke or take *****. I sound a right boring old ****. But then gambling got hold of me and boy did it ruin my life. I had some good ***** though winning gives you that feeling that nothing else can. But today looking back on things, good ***** is the furthest thing from my mind.
What occupies my mind now is, what did I do ,how could I have been so stupid,why me,where am I going to find money to buy my everyday food, how many relationships and friendships have I wrecked, finding money to pay the bills, how to find my next job. Wowww gambling sure did hurt me a lot it has left me with virtually nothing but debt. No one deserves a gambling addiction whether you have 3 post graduate degrees or not any. Gambling does not care if you are bright and intelligent, white ,black or yellow, thin or fat . Gambling does not care about anything but the last pound in your pocket. When you have lost that even then it is not satisfied. loan after loan , house after house it will take everything if you let it. Think of your 3 children and wife and I hope you can find the strength from somewhere to stop this evil habit and your life may get better.
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