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    • #28427
      C_Noel
      Participant

      Well, I’m back. Again. I had it in my heart and mind to stop gambling, took a few of the preventive steps but I’m back to square one. Driving to the casino, late nights just to have my affair with those dang slot machines. I feel like I cannot control myself. It is an impulse, an urge and just an anxious feeling. I thought I was on a good path to recover just a few months ago; handed my financial affairs to my sister, gave up my debit card and self-banned from my two favorite spots. What did I do? I changed my passwords, begged for my debit card and just drove further to get to a casino! Last month, I hit 12,000 dollars in jackpots and oh yes, you guessed it, all of it GONE, and then some! Paid off those awful high interest loans, caught up on bills just to take more loans out and become behind on my bills as the pattern has predicted for 5 years. I have unbelievable debts that I will never be able to clear. It’s awful, all of it. The depression, the urges, the stress and embarrassment. Will it ever end? I hope so!!!

    • #28428
      kpat
      Participant

      I somehow missed your post here and am so sorry you have found yourself caught up again in the horrible cycle. Goood for you for trying again. That’s all we can do is get back up, put all the barriers back in place and move forward. All those tools you have used are just waiting to be picked back up and put to work. You are worth the effort to get stopped and stay stopped.
      What can come of gambling? Nothing but heartache. Who needs more of that?

    • #28429
      jansdad
      Participant

      Hey C_Noel, sorry to hear of your predicament.
      Your post is a cold reminder that we’ll never be 100% safe. And it worries me to know that the beast is always lurking somewhere in the shadows of our unconscious mind waiting to strike again.

      I would recommend a book to you: The Easy Way to Stop Gambling by Allan Carr. I found A LOT of good stuff in that book.

    • #28430
      vera
      Participant

      I remember you Noel!
      Well done on coming back to GT.
      It’s scary when things go out of control
      Starting again is our only hope.
      Yes, I too recommend that book.

    • #28431
      C_Noel
      Participant

      Yes, nothing but heartache is correct. I’ve got to get back up and make a change. Thanks for the encouraging words!

    • #28432
      C_Noel
      Participant

      It is so strange how the addiction can creep up and it’s almost as if I can’t say no. That’s what is scary. How do we allow such a destructive pattern take control? It sucks.

    • #28433
      C_Noel
      Participant

      Yes! Thank you got coming back to post. I am back and should have never left. I thought I could take control and be a “smart gambler” and just cut back. I’ll check into the book. I hope you are doing well!

    • #28434
      C_Noel
      Participant

      Monday at the office, on lunch break and I can’t help but think about my CG and the stress it has been causing me. I wake up and all I can think about are my financial burdens and why do I do this to myself? It’s a path of self-destruction. If I know this, then why do I continue to act upon it?!? It’s so frustrating. Do other CG’s feel this way too? I worry that the only reason I will not be gambling these next two weeks is because I have no funds. My debit/atm card is now in the hands of my father even though there is no money to gamble away. This will be the last relapse! I must promise myself. 3 days gamble free. No money, no urges I suppose!

    • #28435
      C_Noel
      Participant

      I’m serious this time. I’ve got to do something more than the same old sayings over and over again of, I will do this and I am going to do that but never taking action. I’m in such a hole, a mess. I’ve ruined my credit over gambling and I’ve lost a job promotion due to my credit issues. I can say that most of the issues with my credit spawned from my ex-husband and then the other portions, gambling. I hate this feeling like I cannot control myself from spending money in hopes that I can hit it big and pay off my debts. I’ve done barriers in the past few months only to realize that I work ways around them and I am back to square one. Does anyone else ever feel this hopeless and have such bad urges that you know you should cope and stop but you gamble anyways? I want to recover so badly.

    • #28436
      kpat
      Participant

      Money worries area trigger for me too. I hope you keep posting and reach out for all the help you can get. This is a vicious addiction and willpower alone has not ever been enough to stop me. I have read and re-read the 12 steps for GA and although I haven’t been to a group, I am trying to put them in place iin my life. Daily prayer has helped me so much. Being honest is the other tool that has kept me from giving in when I start to cycle around again. I wAs a HOT mess just a few months ago. I believe there is hope to live a life without the self destruction gambling addiction brings. We can thrive in new ways. It takes me resetting my brain each day and sometimes more than once with my higherr power. God is able when I am not.

    • #28437
      C_Noel
      Participant

      Thank you for sharing with me. I do believe that God is to whom I need to turn. My willpower to stop is so weak right now. It’s strange how I can be so strong in other areas of my life but with this addiction, it is like it keeps pushing me down. My family has helped before with my financial issues but now they see that perhaps they have enabled me in some way. I’m having a tough time concentrating at work and my focus is fading because I can only think about my money issues. I will take control.

    • #28438
      butchugly
      Participant

      I too am normally a strong person. I feel that this one problem pulls me down. Don’t get me wrong, I have problems but not weighted ones like this. Keep trying because it’s worth it.

    • #28439
      Kat37
      Participant

      Hope u ok hard each day but day at time thanks share
      Katrina

    • #28440
      C_Noel
      Participant

      Here I am, again. I’m still gambling. I have had MULTIPLE opportunities to correct my mistakes and move forward without gambling. I even saw an addiction counselor who specialized in gambling addictions. It did not help. I’ve since been laid off from my job (no relation to gambling issues) but this is horrible in terms of my financial situation.
      Now what? I get a little bit of money and gamble it away. $800 to be exact. Just this past weekend and now I have 2 weeks with $10. Can anyone relate?

      Payday loans past due, collections on my credit. My option is bankruptcy if I can save the funds instead of giving it to the casinos! It is depressing. I want so badly to begin a new life again without this addiction but I feel as though I’ve ruined every opportunity given to me. Here I am, 30 years old, broke and with this disgusting addiction.

      Today I will look towards the future.

    • #28441
      Coaster76
      Participant

      Hi there,

      When I have stopped gambling in the past and then I start again yes I feel awful like I did yesterday but I know and can do weeks without gambling, I guess what we are searching for is to stop and find a way to combat an urge. I’m watching cricket right now (my nemesis) and I feel ok, guess yesterday is still raw. What causes an urge? Once they start I find it so hard to resist, I’m still searching for that answer . I believe we all have it in us to beat it , everyone has different answers on how to succeed, but we should never give up trying.

    • #28442
      Coaster76
      Participant

      Hi there,

      When I have stopped gambling in the past and then I start again yes I feel awful like I did yesterday but I know and can do weeks without gambling, I guess what we are searching for is to stop and find a way to combat an urge. I’m watching cricket right now (my nemesis) and I feel ok, guess yesterday is still raw. What causes an urge? Once they start I find it so hard to resist, I’m still searching for that answer . I believe we all have it in us to beat it , everyone has different answers on how to succeed, but we should never give up trying.

    • #28443
      C_Noel
      Participant

      Thanks for sharing with me. I also find it hard to resist the urge, even when I am driving, I try to talk myself out of it but once that part of my brain kicks in there is no stopping it. My therapist said it is a chemical in the brain that kicks in and once we have it in our head that we are going to gamble, we will. We have to find something to overcome that. My triggers can be anything from a bad day to even a great day and I want to celebrate by gambling. It’s a lose-lose situation for me. We can only try to steer clear of the path we know is destructive.

      Definitely easier said than done but you’re right, we should never give up trying.

    • #28444
      Coaster76
      Participant

      You sound like me yesterday , I even drew money out account , said no , went home but then still went out again to put bet on. That’s very interesting about what you said regards chemicals in brain, it must have been released yesterday . i can also relate to celebrating with a bet so much , weekends is hardest for me, especially Saturday’s , it’s what Saturday’s were all about. I start off thinking just one bet , if I lose fine but it’s not , and it culminates in a chase and another day feeling like I did yesterday and today . I want to set myself a target and see how I feel once / if I get there. I’m hoping that I can somehow get used to not gambling, I’ve conceded that I’ll never be able to gamble normally again so abstinence is only way I can go. I want to post my feelings as I know having read so many posts im not alone with them.

    • #28445
      vera
      Participant

      Well done on coming back for help, C-Noel.
      I would have some reservations about your therapist’s views on gambling. I know for a fact when I make up my mind to gamble, nothing will stop me. Whether that’s a chemical in my brain “setting me off” or just plain addiction which I refuse to fully address , I cannot say for certain. I do know , however, that a CG can prevent gambling thoughts from escalating into gambling actions by using Awareness techniques which will help to avoid the never ending gambling cycle ruling our lives.
      The First Step is to admit we are powerless over gambling. I have learned that I am only powerless when I place that first bet and there are many methods which CGs apply and exercise one day at a time to remain G free. Perhaps your therapist would be interested in probing these preventative tools with you. CGs love “excuses”. If we “know” that some chemical is responsible for our gambling, my fear is , this notion could be latched on to as a carte blanche to continue gambling.
      There comes a time when each CG has to take personal responsibility for our actions. When we place that first bet, it is very often too late. I would suggest that you become aware of the lead up to your actions and curb the first thought that may set off this action…
      ‘Hope I’m making sense here. It’s way past my bedtime but I wanted to let you know you will find lots of support here.
      You are not alone!

    • #28446
      Coaster76
      Participant

      Hi Vera,
      What I struggle with as much as not placing that first bet is not thinking of gambling in general , how do I stop my brain thinking about it? People at work talk to me about betting , fortunately at home my wife has zero interest in it. I love my sports and I want to watch them without thinking of odds, just enjoy it for what it is. This is a place I can never see me getting to at the moment.

    • #28447
      C_Noel
      Participant

      Thank you so much, Vera! Your words are very wise and I appreciate your response.

      I absolutely believe that I am powerless and I need to take personal responsibility. I have the thoughts in my head to just turn around and don’t place a bet. I must become stronger each day to say no. Thoughts that lead up to my addiction range from feeling sorry for myself and thinking that I’m already in a hole, what difference does it make if I lose again? I’m used to the pain and lifestyle but I know there is so much more and if I can put a plan into action, I can do it.

      I’m glad to find support, once again.

    • #28448
      C_Noel
      Participant

      I just handed over my debit card and online account info to my sister. I let her know to never give me my debit card no matter why I am asking for it and that I should only get an allowance each day or week and provide receipts to her in return. This is probably the third time I have handed over my finances but third time is a charm, right? This time HAS to be different if I am going to change and have things get better.

      I also found that my boyfriend has triggered my gambling. He doesn’t understand addiction and calls me weak, saying it’s tough love and I should be stronger and that it is stupidity to gamble away my money. We’ve since broken up because I need to better myself and his lack of support and understanding only leads to more self-pity and destruction.

      I am feeling very sad and disappointed in myself and my situation but I am trying so hard to have a positive outlook on these steps. I’m only hesitant because I have tried this before and snuck my way back into my bad habits. I want to kick this so bad and be successful.

    • #28449
      Coaster76
      Participant

      Don’t be hard on yourself , we all have tried and failed before but the fact you are trying so hard and taking positive steps is great.
      You aren’t weak , no one has a clue about my problem , my wife would probably be great but I feel embarrassed by it. You must do what feels necessary , I find after a loss I’m manic and obsessive about stopping , it’s when I’m a week or 2 in I stupidly reward myself and think I can have £20 bet and I’m off again . It’s this I must stop, when the urge comes and I’ve done well I need to stop myself .
      Posting on here is a release for me, it’s the only place I can talk about how I feel. I really hope this time it’s the time for you to break this cycle .

    • #28450
      Coaster76
      Participant

      Don’t be hard on yourself , we all have tried and failed before but the fact you are trying so hard and taking positive steps is great.
      You aren’t weak , no one has a clue about my problem , my wife would probably be great but I feel embarrassed by it. You must do what feels necessary , I find after a loss I’m manic and obsessive about stopping , it’s when I’m a week or 2 in I stupidly reward myself and think I can have £20 bet and I’m off again . It’s this I must stop, when the urge comes and I’ve done well I need to stop myself .
      Posting on here is a release for me, it’s the only place I can talk about how I feel. I really hope this time it’s the time for you to break this cycle .

    • #28451
      C_Noel
      Participant

      Although I am hardly able to make ends meet, I feel confident. I went to sleep with high hopes and positivity after handing over my finances to my sister. I am making a list of short, medium, and long-term goals. I will succeed. Please let me have that strength and push myself!

    • #28452
      vera
      Participant

      Thanks for posting on my thread C-Noel.
      I can tell you for sure that I took many backward steps. I always “left the door open” so that I could gamble when the urge hit me. Gambling is habitual as well as being highly addictive . The title of your thread shows that you are aware of it’s consequences. Gambling always ends in tears. I never met a rich gambler or one who said “I’m going to quit because I cleaned the casino/bookies out”. It seems like fun for a while but the “fun” comes with a heavy price tag.
      Well done on handing your finances over to your sister. Can you tell her how you feel and talk about the damage gambling has done to you?
      I wish you well in recovery and hope you get a job soon (and a new boyfriend, when the time is right!)

    • #28453
      C_Noel
      Participant

      I am 9 days without gambling. How do I feel? I feel okay, like there is hope. Pay day hit this past Friday which has always been my day to gamble. I didn’t have access to any money so that helped and I also tried to fill my time by going to the gym and hanging with friends. I’ve had one urge to gamble a couple of times but it passes in about 20 minutes. I’m planning to still attend GA to aid in my recovery. It’s tough. I’ve been in a low place, mentally, which is a trigger and gambling is the “escape”, to take my mind of things, just me and the machine. Thankfully, I am fully aware that I need a mindset change and I DO have the will to quit.

    • #28454
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Congrads on your 9 days gamble free! Remember ODAAT! You are doing great in putting up barriers and going to meeting was helpful for me also. I go to the gym also and try to get together with friends when possible. I understand being in a low place mentally but exercising and hanging out with positive people does help. Keep going! Stay strong.

    • #28455
      C_Noel
      Participant

      Today is hard. Day 10 gamble-free. Things are much better in life. Relationship is healing, I’m setting new goals. Career opportunities are up! So why is it that I’m wanting to gamble with all this positivity? Typically, my triggers are negative feelings and I want that escape. Now, am I just feeling a strange euphoria and thinking, why not? I know why not, because with all these good feelings, placing one bet can make me get back into the dumps, the depressive state, and the whys and how do I get out of it. I’m in a good place now. CasiNO. I think I will go to the gym instead and perhaps the bookstore and start my own book of possibilities in life!

    • #28456
      Coaster76
      Participant

      That’s great , I was on day 9 but couldn’t resist, I placed a small £20 bet, I won but I don’t feel happy as I now know tomorrow I have to collect and I can’t resist another bet. When you get that urge your memory of losses just disappear. Been in this situation so many times and I know if I go on a run I’ll give it all back with interest. Well done on your 10 days , don’t ease up and continue in your good place your in.

    • #28457
      C_Noel
      Participant

      I made it to day 10 and then decided to make a short pit stop at the casino. I took a limited amount of money, no atm or bank cards. What I lost, was gone. Left, feeling like I’ll never do this again (as I always say) and right now I am feeling the urge again. But why? I am fighting it. I have been fighting the feeling for about an hour now. I am 3 days gamble free now.

    • #28458
      addictedbrain 2007
      Participant

      once you are a compulsive gambler, you must accept the fact that you never gamble like a normal person. Just a small bet will make all the vicious cycle start again: illusion, feeling high, depressions and death. I’ve been there, and in your situations, you’re gona gamble again, believe me.
      Just dont place another bet again. That’s the only way out of this gambling hell. It’s simple but it takes hard work and dedications to get your life back. I’m doing that and you can !

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