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    • #13760
      markf
      Participant

      I finished at GH 9 months ago and on the whole I have been happy and comfortable with my progress since finishing. When I arrived in Dudley the only possessions I owned was a case of clothes and about £100 in cash. Whilst at GH I had to deal with my divorce, start court proceedings to access my Daughter, was arrested for fraud and had to go through the system ending up with a suspended sentence. I had to try and build bridges with my family and friends all of which I had burnt through gambling and most important of all I had ot try and figure out how to fight my addiction and take some self control back!
      I know I achieved a lot at Gordon House. I was very focussed and worked hard at all the above aspects (I still work hard at them to this day) but now i am starting to feel like I am lacking direction and isn’t it about time I started to progress though life again?
      I am really in two minds! Part of me think that I ma doing well. Since finishing I found a job quickly, saved enough money for a deposit and 1st month rent on a flat, bought furniture and moved out of the half way house. I pay maintenance and support for my Daughter, pay al my bills on time and living an honest life. I have recently moved into a house with anther ex GH mate who went through the programme with and we continue to provide really good support for each other.
      The problem I have is that while all the above is good I dont really feel like I am making any progress wit my life. I feel everything i am doing is the “safe option” just getting though each day. I dont really have any long term career objectives. The only jobs I am skilled and qualified in are sales type roles and that is the one thing I never want to do again. At the moment I just dont feel like my life is heading anywhere.
      It is probably a mixture of things though. Lets face it after the break up of my marriage it does get lonely waking up each morning alone with no one to share my life with. I know that gets me down. Then whilst i enjoy my job I dont see any long term future in it. I dont seem to have a plan at the moment. With no plan and no goals then there is nothing to drive and motivate me.
      Just because I am a GC doesnt mean that I have to have my entire life sucked out of me. There is no reason why I can remain vigilant and aware but still go out there and get what I want. I am just getting fed up of waking up each day with no goals. I need to set bigger goals. For too long my goals have been to live an honest life and to not gamble and to budget etc….. well I have been doing that for 9 months and perhaps its time to start to push myself again.
      I feel as humans we have a responsibility to fulfil our potential and its about time i got back on board and tried ot fulfil mine.
      With that in mind I am considering re-training and just signed up to a 12 introductory course in counselling and psychotherapy. If I enjoy it then I am planning to fully re-train part time over 3 years and get some direction back.
      Starting ot lose my trail of thought a bit but would like to hear your comments on your recovery and if you have ever felt a bit stagnant.
      Keep well
      Mark

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