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    • #13723
      young_gun
      Participant

      Hi All,
      My name is Chris, and this is the first time I’m going to say / type these words, I have a gambling addiction. There I did it….I already feel better!
      First off, a litte bit about myself, im a 26 year old professional male, living in California, well….not really living as I’ve been dreaming in a fog of misery for the last couple months…
      Im writing this today because once again, I woke up in a panic, and looked back at another night of drinking (where is why I binge gamble, I lose all sense of monetary value) and another hit to my credit card. A solid 2,000 USD. The first question I ask myself is what happened to those days where I couldn’t bare losing a $100 bill. Now in this last month, If I can make it through a night of playing and only losing $300-500 I look back and tell myself "phew, atleast it wasnt like that first binge 3 weeks ago when I lost $5,000." I have only been gambling heavy for the last three weeks of my life, and I can already tell this is something if I don’t catch now, those thoughts of wanting to die could eventually become a reality….It really is a scary place to be in..
      Ive gone on 4 binges now, losing more than $1,000 at a time, and a few others losing between $300-1,000. What hurts the most is, after the first time it happened three weeks ago, when I lost rougly 5-6 grand, I thought I had learned my lesson….why? Why didnt I? Was the pain I felt not enough? I guess it wasnt…Here I am now, down more than $10,000 (Not sure I really want to know) since I started gambling heavily and I realized, wow, the life before gambling may have been hard, but atleast I was living…In the last three weeks, I’ve ignoed my friends, havent spent any significant loving time with the girl of my dreams and the one I plan to marry..and I’m now 10k extra in credit card debt. fun…not so much.
      Not being able to concentrate at work (which is horrible because I started a new job this week, I work in the financial industry) constantly feeling paranoid and scared, and those sleepless nights are going to change. How? Let me tell you what I did. I gave the $10,000 I had left in my savings to my mother to keep hold of. I cancelled both credit cards and will be paying much more each month as a punishment to my gambling woes, sorry Patron (tequilla for those that don’t know), you no longer are a luxury, Jose now is…I keep no more than $200.00 in my checking, and have given my parents access to my accounts. Now, with no money to use, the thoughts of gambling have subsided somewhat. The worst however is the ill feelings of what I have done, once again, Im scared I’ll never feel the way I did just a month ago. I try to stay positive but the feelings of remorse consistently grab hold of me. I will continue to post and read these stories as they help, I no longer feel im living this life of misery alone, and there is hope, thanks to all of you.
      I hope I have not offended anyone in my story, I know I have only been doing this for a few weeks and that may seen somewhat insignificant, but to lose probably close to 15 grand in less than a month, imagine the possibilites if I didnt stop now…I will be praying for all of you as I hope you will be for me. Thanks for any advice. You’re all great people.Everyday is a new day

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