18 August 2022 at 7:16 pm #161444
It all started when I had extra time on my hands when the Lock down started in 2020.
I had time to waste and decided to see what the whole fuss around Forex trading was, starting out I deposited $10, lost it and did some more researcher on Forex trading and leverage.
After my researcher time, I deposited another $10 to see what I can make of this, and turned the $10 into $120 in a matter of minutes. I was amazed on how easy it was, why didn’t I start with this earlier.
As time went by, I lost all the winnings as greed took over, and I was certain that I can double that amount or even triple it in a day.
Another deposit of $100 followed, as I saw how easy it was, and surely I can do this again, and lost the money once again, but still the feeling I had of the previous experience had me thinking, to be more patient and follow the plan you had constructed for yourself. I mean the “professional” can do it, why cant I? So again a deposit of $100 followed.
The first real big move comes up and boom, what plan? what limit? all of the deposited money was entered into the trade, it goes up and excitement takes me over, I stop the trade and made a return of 30%, that was part of the plan after all. All I can think about, is how easy it is to make money and 20 minutes later, as greed takes over I open a trade with $130 and lose it all in 45 seconds.
Back to the drawing board. If I make 1 big deposit, and win on the first time, I will be fine. Make a deposit of $3500 – and lost it all within a matter of seconds. “That’s it I’m done, this is clearly not for me”.
About 2 month pass, I more researcher followed, “slow and steady wins the race” I remind myself of this as I make another deposit of $100. On that day the crypto market foiled and I managed to make all my previous losses back within 2 hours that is $3820 it 2 hours with a $100, I was beyond myself! The feeling of joy took me over.
That was the day, it went all downhill – I lost all of that money as time went by I have accumulated losses totaling up more than $50,000
Every time I have money or get paid, I deposit my whole salary on hopes that I will double it. I am lost and know I have to completely stop trading. I have said this to myself multiple times, then I feel better and I’m convinced I will stop, but that thoughts only happen when I have used my last cents.
Then as soon as money comes in, the thoughts of doubling it starts. I’m so over it, even when I trade I don’t feel anything but frustration, I joined this community as I require help, and motivation and I can’t conquer this addiction on my own.
18 August 2022 at 7:16 pm #161608charlesModerator
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums. By posting to the forums you’re allowing the diverse and caring Gambling Therapy community to help support you through the difficulties you’re facing.
This may well be a tough time for you – particularly if you’re new to recovery, so we encourage you to post here as often as you need to, as well as making use of the online groups and the live advice helpline if you’d like some one-to-one support. We’re all in this together! If you’re a new member, you are warmly invited to join Charles in one of the New Members Practical Advice groups (Mondays at 21:00 UK Time and Thursdays at 19:00 UK Time).
The forum is a great place to share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. By writing it all down you can start to build a record of your progress that you can look back on – particularly useful if you’re ever feeling stuck. Share as much or as little as you like – but you’re encouraged to stick to keeping to just one thread in this forum – so people know where to find you to check in on your progress or to share something with you.
The Gambling Therapy staff team don’t generally post to the forums as it is a peer support area of the site – so we’ll hand you over to the community from here.
The Gambling Therapy Team
18 August 2022 at 8:26 pm #161617charlesModerator
Hi Gustav and welcome to the forum. First an apology – it shopuldn’t have taken this long to approve your first post.
Now, you can stop gambling/trading I promise you. Just don’t try and do it on your own.
You lose all your money as soon as you get paid? Ok use that awareness. We all know that no money = no gambling, use that now. Read the other stories here – you will see how financial barriers and accountability can help. What things can you put in place before next payday?
Get yourself excluded form your usual trading sites/
I see that there is also a Gamblers Anonymous meeting in your area – check out this link for local support as well.https://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/addresses
Keep posting and let us know the positive steps you are taking. I recommend taking those steps before you get paid again.
18 August 2022 at 9:16 pm #161622
reading your post is like reading a story about myself, I am a compulsive gambler and my addiction is to day trade forex, crypto, and stock.
I need to write more but frankly, I took 2 sleeping pills and it start working, I suggest you read my journal you can relate for sure. and you can learn from the relapses that I had.
honestly from your post, I am not sure where you stand:
do you still think that you can win money trading? please answer honestly, do you think what you need is to stick to your strategy, to your money management plan and that will give you better odds to win?
have you tried to stop gambling? I mean have you done anything to stop it, or it is just thoughts?
19 August 2022 at 7:26 pm #161691
22 August 2022 at 7:02 am #161881
Today is day 6
I am motivated to never trade again, I can do this, every small step forward is progression made, I can’t afford to take a step backwards, I simply don’t want to take a step backwards.
I am here to conquer this and step out victorious, I want to write my story inside a journal entry and say I am 4+ years clean. I can’t wait for that day to come and see what freedom will feel like, that small steps I took to come out on top. Today is one day closer to my goal.
22 August 2022 at 9:22 am #161649
Thank you very much, I already started reading though the Forum, and I am very glad to see I am not the only one. This helps a lot.
Dark Energy, I read your Journals 3 times already (please don’t think I’m a stalker) LOL
You are amazing me with your post and the way I can see how far you have progressed from where you started. The amount of effort you are putting behind all of this is astounding. you are one of the people that inspires me to make this work.
I do not thik I can win money, I had my changes where I was able to create winning up to a point where I can be debt free, then when I reach that point, I just want a little bit more, there is no target for that little bit more, and then I lose it all again. It is the same cycle over and over, it doesn’t change, even when I convince myself I am going to stick to a plan, it doesn’t work.
I made a call to stop as I already lost way more than I intended when I started, it got out of control so quickly, now when I sit back and think of what I could have done with my losses, it breaks my heart. But I am here today on day 3 GF, last night I came clean to my girlfriend, as she knew there was more going on with me, so she hammered me for answers, until I cracked, this morning I feel ashamed and it feels as I might slipping into a depression state of mind. One thing that does work is the meditation exercises on the GT App.
Lets win today, so we can take on the battle tomorrow to grow even stronger. One day at a time. “What you do today can improve all your tomorrows”
25 August 2022 at 7:00 am #162093
Today is day #9 – I got my salary and paid back all the money I budgeted for, for this month. I am keeping my mind busy with work, and I challenged myself to learn a programming language (python) I have been busy with for 6 days and it feels like it doing the job to keep my mind distracted. I have made peace with the money I have lost, and acknowledged that I will take the long walk to freedom, and pay off my debt one month at a time, I made myself sheets and tracking my progress. Every day I am one step closer to my goal, and I simply don’t want to start from day zero again, it just simply isn’t worth it. A lot of people on this platform is a big inspiration to me, and I want to thank all of you for your stories and guidance that you share. I am doing this for me. I feel great as I don’t have to watch the “charts” all day, and I find time to things that I wanted to do 2 years ago. It is a great feeling and everyday, I am great full that I have a second chance to turn my wrongs into rights.
25 August 2022 at 5:58 pm #162131
happy for you,
you have a good start, for me normally I need 2 to 3 weeks to be a functional human being and to start tackling my problems.
29 August 2022 at 12:10 pm #162365
Day 13 – Tomorrow will be a 2 week mark.
I am keeping myself busy, and I am learning new skills. I am finding more time to do my things, and it is great.
I do still get the thoughts about what if, I can win, and I immediately tell myself that I do not want to start from day zero again.
Things will look better when I am day 100 and then 200. It is just a constant reminder to not go back to day zero. I am 0.80% of my 1500 day target. I will win and I will conquer this!
4 October 2022 at 6:53 am #164517
Day #49 – What a great feeling. Everyday is a battle to get the thoughts out of my head, it is getting easier, but the thoughts still remain, on how to make back the money I have lost. The pain is still there but it is getting better with every day. I am now at 3.27% of my target of 1500 days gambling/ trading free. It is not easy, but I know I can push through. Motivated not to start from day 0 again. Hopefully I can push on to day 100 and it feel better.
28 October 2022 at 1:44 pm #166310
And there it is, on day 72 I gave in. I crumbled, I lost all the money I had disposal to. I don’t know how I am going to survive this month.
Everything feels foggy… I’m dazed and don’t have answers on questions… WHY AM I LIKE THIS???
29 October 2022 at 8:14 am #166345
sorry to hear about your relapse, don’t beat yourself on it I know it is easier be said than done, but now you have these catastrophizing feelings of hopelessness and insecurity about the future and all these bad feelings that you got in the first few days after the relapse, just hang on, this is just a temporary feeling and will fade away mostly within the 1st week.
the only thing that you can do is to start over, learn from this relapse, ask yourself what went wrong, and try to fix that.
and to make it simple it is all about access to money, as I remember you already informed your partner about this addiction, then just give her financial control, this will guarantee that you will not have enough money to relapse.
and look to the positive side you managed to stay gambling free for 72 Days it is a good achievement you should be proud of yourself. you can do it again and you can do more this time.
2 November 2022 at 4:00 am #166562
Thanks Dark, I am definitely going to hand all extra money to my partner in the coming months.
2 November 2022 at 4:06 am #166563
Today is day 6, I joined a GA meeting for the very first time this week, it was wonderful and I’m in acceptance that I am sick, that I can’t gamble responsible and that I am the captain of my ship. So far this week is not very great, I had to borrow money just to survive and I am feeling so ashamed of this. The trust is completely broken between me and my partner, as I lied to her, and I understand where she is coming from. I setup goals, simple ones for now and so far I am marking them off day by day, I need to build good habits in order not to think about gambling. The feeling of being a loser is still with me, and I am sure it will clear with time. One day at a time. I am planning to join another GA meeting this evening as I find a lot of inspiration with this meetings, and learning more that I was able to learn on my own. It is OK not to be OK, and I have to accept that.
7 November 2022 at 5:36 pm #166736
Day 11 – I joined GA and accepted to be part of this community, hearing the struggles and the heartaches of others, makes me realize that we all have so much to live for. It’s not easy for one of us, but as a community we can help each other, to change the behavior. I truly feel blessed for 11 days, 11 days I didn’t think I can do. Yes live is full of curve balls, whether in addiction or out of addictions, but it is our decisions how we face it. I want to live without lies and manipulation from my side. It’s a one day at a time, and if it gets real hard, it’s one hour at a time. I have to live in the moments and cherish what I have today.
7 November 2022 at 5:45 pm #166738
And I am doing this for me, it may sound selfish, but I have to do it for me to make the life of my loved ones better.
9 November 2022 at 6:06 am #166790
Day 13 – not feeling to positive, but not feeling negative, its a in between. My mission is to live a honest and open life. So far, I am keeping it up and it feels great. Just knowing I got all my dirty laundry out there. Time just feels as-if it is going very slow, but I guess this is where the patience game needs to come in.
9 November 2022 at 8:10 pm #166812
keep it up, you crossed the difficult few days after relapse, it will get easier with time.
wish you all the best my friend.
14 November 2022 at 5:41 am #166957
Day 18 – Time feels as if it standing still, I am not in the mood to getup today, but I have to as I know once I start this day, it will get better. At this moment I need to get and stay motivated, in order to move forward. I was never like this, I feel broken and it feels like forever to heal again. One day at a time I suppose.
15 November 2022 at 2:47 pm #167014
congrats on your 18 days, keep it up and soon you will hit the 1-month mark,
I have started taking a supplement called NAC google it. I started using it 3 or 4 days ago but it has had a good impact on my mood. try it may help you.
16 November 2022 at 5:43 am #167042
Hi Dark, thank, I will do some research around that, must say today is day 20, I am feeling better, back at the office, and just grinding, the feeling is a bit better, not sure how long it will last for. But for now I’m embracing it, and just taking it day by day, we don’t know what tomorrow has got in-store for us. Have a great day.
28 January 2023 at 10:36 am #170291
you didn’t post for a while, I hope everything is fine.
wish you all the best
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