2 November 2011 at 7:05 am #2424lostintranslationParticipant
I woke this morning feeling pretty hopeless.
After 3 days of him really trying hard, I felt last night we are slipping back into ignoring what’s happening.(well not me but my fiancé )
I made it very clear that I am only one person, and while I wish to support him, I can onlyjuggle so many things, so I need to make sure my daughter who lives with us, his dad, his immediate emotional needs and my job are all priority at this moment and. For at least the next couple of weeks, I would not be able to have his twin 17 yr old daughters to stay. I know he is hurt, but the girls come every other weekend and they want to be attached to me 24/7. They don’t help around the house and lie about on the sofas for 2 days being waited on hand and foot. They will also want “stuff” which at the moment although I personally can afford it, don’t feel happy about spending. I love the girls very much and they enjoy coming to us because I am fun mum but I don’t feel very fun at the moment.
Anyway, he told me last night they would be coming this weekend.
I haven’t argued but honestly I feel he has just ignored everything that has happened and that I will just give in.
Which made me think, is this why this all happens, that he sees me as weak and spineless?
I don’t want every word out of my mouth to be about gambling betrayal or trust, so I try hard to only discuss things at appropriate time. I try not to snipe and have controlled and calm discussions, this doesn’t mean he has got one over on me but after last night I think that’s how he sees it.
So today I feel a bit like we just live a carefully balanced lie.
Unbelievable that such a small thing can have this effect.
Lost xx6 January 2012 at 9:40 pm #2425lostintranslationParticipant
Happy new year to you all.
I am back. It’s been a pretty awful time with my father in law . Christmas and new year have been stressful and emotional but I survived!
I am still with my CG.
And that’s it really.
I wish I could say I have turned a corner or feel more in control, that maybe I could understand something, anything that surrounds this, but I can’t .
Just wanted to say hi to you guys and as I have taken some time off, concentrate on me a bit and post a bit more.
See you all soon
Lost xx6 January 2012 at 10:48 pm #2426m babzParticipant
Hi lost, I’m new so probably shouldn’t be giving u advice but I want you to know that what I’ve read in this post makes me think that you must be an amazing and strong person. There are many people who would love step children that truly want to be with them so you must be Doing something right if you have two teenage girls onside. You Should just be upfront and say to them would you do the dishes and you take out the rubbish ( or whatever chores you need them to do) they are young and probably think you enjoy mothering them or don’t want to get in your way. Perhaps they see their time with you as relaxation time. I don’t know your situation but as you say you have a good relationship I am sure they do not mean to hurt you. Perhaps you should stop running after them and let your husband do it to see its not all sunshine in your world? I hope you dont have too stressful a weekend. X6 January 2012 at 10:57 pm #2427velvetModerator
It is good to hear from you and that you have survived Christmas and the New Year. x
It is impossible to make sense of the senseless especially when you are weary and feeling that you are not in the driving seat.
Hopefully now we are into the New Year and life is quieter you will get the precious time to look after yourself more.
I hope too to be able to pass on to you the tools to help you do more than just survive. It took me a long time to learn to use them to help myself and I didn’t have the added pain of someone struggling with a life and death illness. You have a lot on your plate but you can succeed, you can take over the driving seat.
When you can update it would be good to hear (I hope) that your CG is still going to GA. I would imagine he is having a terrible uphill struggle with his father’s illness and I hope it would help to share his reaction to it.
It would be great to see you in a group.
As with all those who don’t post for a while I do wonder how you are, so thank you for your post.
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