Gambling Therapy logo
Viewing 35 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #11894
      hetty
      Participant

      8 days gambling free and I pledge today will be a productive day away from clubs and casino!
      Going to keep myself busy with house work something I have neglected of late, I feel great and in this moment I feel like I have control over myself.
      I have put out my safety nets, I got no money at home and no access to bank cards. I have had many light bulb moments over my own behavior this last few weeks, no more excuses or lies. I can see now what I am a cg, I have been out of control, each day is a battle but one that I’m now is ready to face. life is what it is and what has been has been! However now is within my realm of control. it’s my life and I WILL this Sunday live it without the machines control.

    • #11895
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Good on you Hetty… way to go.. yep i’m with you.. just one day at a time
      Chubby

    • #11896
      stupidgirl34
      Participant

      Happy New Year Chub, Hetty and Carol. Here is to a new gamble free year!
      I will make this work!

    • #11897
      hetty
      Participant

      I’m feeling sad today, really really sad and not in the **** for nothing. My **** has always been an issue it can go from top of the world to deepest dispair in a matter of minutes.
      Think it has to do with the abuse I suffered as a child.
      Going back to work today, don’t feel like it, not sure why, knows I deep in that i really do like my work.
      On the upside my gambling urges seems to have almost **** down since that horrid testing time at Christmas, not that I think they will stay calm for long but any calm day is a +.
      Guess bottom line is, I like to pull the doona over my head and hide from life for a bit, but since it doesn’t work that way I will get my sad *** up and deal with the day and all it hands me.
      I pledge to not gamble today and to be kind to myself.
      You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11898
      hetty
      Participant

      Day 40, and I want to gamble, I want to feel that rush, my body is restless 🙁
      Not going to gamble, the thought makes me frustrated, grumpy, ..let’s hope this pass soon.You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11899
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear (((Hetty)))! What’s going on in your life right now that would make you have strong urges to gamble?? Sometimes when I can identify the stress in my life it becomes clearer to me why I have thoughts/urges. Hope you get some peace of mind real soon and those nasty urges pass. Carole

    • #11900
      hetty
      Participant

      ***** (((Carole))) not sure what was going on and as a matter a fact it matters little, bottom line is I cannot gamble, no matter how bad the urges get or how much I want it.
      I have to surrender to that fact.
      It makes it a lot easier actually.
      I did not gamble yesterday and I will not gamble today.You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11901
      razzabelle
      Participant

      Please don’t gamble Hetty…..Try with ALL your strength…..Focus…..Breathe….go for a walk; clean out a drawer; call a friend; bake a cherry pie (yummy:) anything but that WASTE of our life; HORRIBLE addiction.  YOU have helped ME very much so thus far.  Girl, you are THOUSANDS of miles away, but I feel you right here with me.  Doesn’t it feel wonderful to have helped another woman during her time of despair?  I pray and hope my support can help you too.  YOU are SO MUCH BETTER then those EVIL, GROTESQUE, MACHINES….*** Much love, RazzYou Get What You Give

    • #11902
      hetty
      Participant

      (((razz))) thank you for your support and i didn’t gamble, and regardless of my urges it’s very little chance I would be able too as I have put so many restrictions on myself 🙂 today things are kinda peaceful again and yes you are right those machines are pesky things so lets stay away from them. Together we can make it.
      You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11903
      stupidgirl34
      Participant

      So proud of you! I too have felt really down the last couple of days, glad you made it through! I will make this work!

    • #11904
      desdemona
      Participant

      A day at a time is all we need to get through (((Hetty)))! Many of us go along fine and then for whatever reason we have to fight urges that tell us at *****, "so what if you go for a little gamble?" The addicted mind tries to minimize the damage a little gamble will do to us. It’s never a little damage emotionally. It’s a battle for our lving the life we were intended to live, and for some people it has been a battle that has cost them their very life, because they could see no way out.  Hetty, I mentioned to my daughters about the 100 bust exhibit you are part of and they wanted to know if you would be willing to share any links about this project as they think it is an idea that rocks, and they are involved in organizing the Relay for Life that is held in our town each year, to raise lots of money for cancer research. Carole 

    • #11905
      hetty
      Participant

      Hi Carol and sg, thanks for your support 🙂 today I woke up with no urges and in all things are going easier, much easier, my anxiety in the evening are dropping. Life is pretty **** good.
      Carol, You can find information and pictures on Facebook, just search for “bust out for breast cancer” 🙂
      I know the artist who has done the busts is amazing and has donated to much of her own time..
      You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11906
      chubbycat
      Participant

      ***** Hetty was nice to see you in chat today us early birds up in the first hours of sunlight.. You are going great Hetty, you have been strong from the start and i love how you say you have accepted you cant gamble that is the part we fight and you have got it straight up
      Good on you girl
      Chubby

    • #11907
      razzabelle
      Participant

      I am PROUD of you Hetty!!  xxxYou Get What You Give

    • #11908
      hetty
      Participant

      Sunday morning, bad head ache, some urges, and yet a beautiful day that I can fill what ever I like…as long as its not gambling.
      I did not gamble yesterday and I will not gamble today.You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11909
      hetty
      Participant

      This recovery is showing me the depth of my cg. Im out by myself today, i have a card full of money. (yes did all the accountable things with partner before i left home). I’m 2 min walk way from one of my frequently used “gambling holes” and NO i wont go gambling. Im having a coffee and going for a pedicure + buying groceries. Driving here i had the classic “I could go just once” thought turning up. my anxiety level was instantly rising, my face started to break out in a cold sweat, hands shaking and just at that moment i thought. NO stop the car and look at yourself this is exactly WHY i cant gamble, not once not ever. No person without a gambling problem would even get this “i can do this only once thought”
      Once i found my own insight and truth, i started the car again and continued on.
      This is recovery road is no easy road to travel but its the only one worth it for me. I do not want the life back that i used to live when i gambled. Urges come and go, it is what it is, i can never gamble again thats all there is to it.You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11910
      hetty
      Participant

      So many says I’m strong, and that I seem to have found my strength from the beginning. How come I can’t feel it, how come I feel so powerless against the gambling? I feel like I should do more, feel more, more then I do..
      Heading back to salt mine today, so tired, feel like I could sleep forever.
      I survived another weekend without gambling, in one way it is becoming easier in others not.
      Bottom line is it does not matter it is what it is.
      I did not gamble yesterday and I will not gamble today!
      You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11911
      sherry123
      Participant

      Hetty, it is a tough road to recovery for any cg. It’s hard to know what’s going on in someone’s mind and their struggles.  You are one of those people that sound strong, focused and determined.  I know it’s just as hard for you and you are doing great.  Having a card full of money and a chance to gamble does make you sound strong.  That’s too much temptation for some of us.  Keep doing whatever helps you to not gamble. Sherry

    • #11912
      desdemona
      Participant

      Way to go Hetty for stopping the car and getting control of yourself before preceeding on. That is a barrier I have never thought about, stopping the car, till I can play the tape out in my head. So many ***** I’m playing the tape out while driving to the gambling venue. You just gave many of us, I believe, another barrier in our recovery journey, stopping the car. Carole

    • #11913
      hetty
      Participant

      (((sherry))) ((((carole))) thanks for your support, today will be a good day, I didn’t gamble yesterday and I will not gamble today!You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11914
      razzabelle
      Participant

      Hi Hetty! 🙂 I am SO HAPPY you didn’t gamble today!!!!! *** Hugs & Support!  You GO GIRL!!!! *** Razz ***You Get What You Give

    • #11915
      sherry123
      Participant

      Woohoo, any gamble free day is a victory!

    • #11916
      hetty
      Participant

      One day at the time, yesterday was gambling free and today will be the same. Had a lot of anxiety and restlessness these last few days, not so much urges though, which is nice. Now time for salt mine…budgets oh the joy and the irony of it all lolYou can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.– 1/8/2013 8:50:21 PM: post edited by Hetty.

    • #11917
      spikey
      Participant

      hi hetty well done av installed betfilter as i was working all week and had nothing to show for it been gambling on bingo sites think over the last 8 years spent over 20000 pounds and won about 1200 had enough hoping i can sort myself out now and get a life good luck we can do this

    • #11918
      hetty
      Participant

      Hi Spikey, and welcome to GT, this place has been life changing to me.
      I think we all know it doesn’t matter how much we win, we still come home empty handed.
      Do you have any special plans on how to combat your cg and move into recovery? If I can be of any help just let me know.
      xYou can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11919
      hetty
      Participant

      I didnt write anything here this morning, having lunch right now so thought i do my daily check in. I got an extra $700 on my pay today so i paid rego this morning before i even considered doing anything else. Been restless a few days, knew i would get extra money, not that i can get it out of bank without partners approval but still. Spoke to Cathie this morning about money and time being the biggest risks to recovery. I however feel money and time is not the biggest risk, what i do with money and time is the biggest risk. Well the club missed out again, i did not gamble yesterday and i will not gamble today. Day 48 today i think, i have decided to not ***** anymore yesterday and the days before that doesnt matter. Today is the important day, one day at the time :)You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11920
      hetty
      Participant

      Thank you sosad and P, it will be hard but sometimes we must do the hard things to be kind.
      Today I’m fighting to stay in recovery, my whole body is one big..let’s go gambling ball, my mind is..agreeing before I realise that NO I can never gamble again.
      The urges are so bad, the need is shaking me, unable to think about much other things. I’m ****** low though..waiting, I’m not doing 1 day at the time today, I’m doing 10 min at the time, sometimes just 5 min at the time.
      The urges will pass I will stay in recovery, gambling is not an option. Not now not in 5 min time!
      You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11921
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Hetty:  Bravo for being so strong for so long.  The urges are a cruel trick of the mind, but you’ve come so far and you CAN get through this.  Escaping grief is so tempting, but stay the course through this especially tough time and you will strengthen your quit muscles to the point where urges won’t stand a chance.  You will punch them right into outer space.  I don’t know why we have to be tested so much in this recovery process, but you have survived bad days before and you can do so now.  I’m rooting for you here in snowy Canada.  Love, RG

    • #11922
      sosad
      Participant

      ((((Hetty))))
      Hope the urges have passed and you are feeling more peaceful.  Sending you lots of strength! xx

    • #11923
      hetty
      Participant

      Thanks ((((rg))) and ((((sosad)))),
      I made it to the other side, waited the urges out 10 min at the time.
      Due to my barriers I really didn’t have any money to go with either but that doesn’t stop the urges.
      I cancelled a coffee date with a friend didn’t trust myself with going there and home without stopping by the machines.
      Better safe then sorry.
      Today will be a good day and a gambling free day.You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11924
      p
      Participant

      Well done Hetty you did great. Your recovery is just zooming along. way to go
      P

    • #11925
      sosad
      Participant

      Yay! Hetty!  I feel so happy for your strength.  Big hugs! xx

    • #11926
      neva
      Participant

      Good to see a post from you Hetty. Glad to hear you are setting up barriers that help you. The dog sounds like a nice addition to your family.  I love puppies…except for the chewing up things.  Remember that puppy wants your undivided attention so don’t give a second of it to gambling!

    • #11927
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi Hetty,
      I just saw your post….
      So happy to read that things are going well for you. 
      Cant wait to hear about the maiden voyage!!!!
      Keep up the good work,
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #11928
      hetty
      Participant

      So so close to the edge, and I nearly fell into the black sea of gambling.
      Partner and I had been short of money for a bit, we are paying in huge amounts to our loan so we can get it out of the way as soon as possible. Becourse I travel a lot for work right now I needed some spare money in my account in case of emergency so we set up a withdrawal option for excess money payed into our loan.
      I thought I was in the clear I thought I had this none gambling figured out, so I kept the no’s to be able to redraw money in my wallet. On Sunday I went down to the city and took a walk, walked by the casino, felt the paper burn in my pocket..just one little phone call and I would have easy access to money, minimal withdraw $500…
      So I called and transferred money, walked into the foyer and used the ATM, withdrew $300.
      From a distance I listened to the sounds and watched the lights of the machines, as well as the numb faces walking around inside, thought is that really what I want to go back too. Forced myself to walk out omg how hard was that! Sat down in my car and drow down the road and donated the $300 to RSPCA.
      When I got home my partner asked me what I had done, I said walked..I wasn’t ready to discuss what had just happend.
      In the evening I took a lighter and burned the bank transfer no’s when out with dogs.
      Yesterday I told him the truth and he is so amazing he just said that’s the closest you have been, I said yes..and he goes how much did we donate? I said $300. He goes oh well at least it’s tax deductible and it was for a worthy course so all is good.
      I’m feeling wobbly, I’m feeling lost and drawn in, I was too close to the edge of the abyss.You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, But you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

    • #11929
      bettie
      Participant

      Better to donate to a good cause than a rich casino.
      Are you getting any support besides GT?
      Often our addiction tricks us into thinking we got this beat then BOOM!
      Being a CG can be ******** but never cured.
      bettie

Viewing 35 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.