25 October 2019 at 4:54 pm #6933
After 22 years of husbands gambling I am just tired of it. I got to the point where I just do not and don’t think I will ever trust him again. I have a lot of anger and hurt and just have no love for him. I care about him and I don’t hate him but I feel like I was more his mother than a wife. He has lied so many time as well as screwed people over since we have been married. He told me he only made a certain amount a month for about five years and we put our money together and come to find out he made al least over 500 more each month. Said he didn’t get paid from work when he really did and just owes so much money back to people for bets and bets online. I feel guilty. And it took me a long time to get to this point. When I explain to him the love is not there he feels he can change and I don’t believe him anymore. And the truth is even if he does get help I feel I am done. Is that wrong! Am I selfish? Please if anyone has gone through this, some advice would be great.
Thank you.25 October 2019 at 10:48 pm #6934
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team25 October 2019 at 11:17 pm #6935
I am confident I will learn a lot from this site26 October 2019 at 8:03 pm #6936
I don’t hear a selfish person writing this post.
Everybody who lives with a compulsive gambler makes choices and some/most of those choices are very tough inded. Nobody can or should tell somebody else what to do in these trying circumstances.
What I try to do is to give knowledge of the addiction to gamble and means of coping, to F&F members to help them make the right decision for themselves. I cannot, should not and will not make decisions for others.
I also cannot judge the decision of someone who has left a gambler after 22 years of pain.
I am pleased that you write that you don’t hate your husband and that you do in fact care for him because there is no doubt he would rather not be a compulsive gambler; he did not ask for the addiction which is wrecking his life but your love for him has flown out of the window and sometimes that is just too much to bear.
Maybe you could tell him that there is a lot of support for him on this site. Our Helpline would be delighted to support him as would Charles, who facilitates groups for New Members on Monday evenings and Problem Gamblers on Thursday.
Don’t let guilt ruin your life– you have made your choice and it is a brave one. It ‘might’ be that your husband gets a wake-up call from your choice but whether he does or not, you are out of the shadow of his addiction and you deserve to enjoy your life.
All members here are different and their outcomes will not all be the same – I wish you much joy with your life away from the addiction. I also hope your husband will seek and find his way out of the sadness and confusion of a gambling life.
It would be great to ‘meet’ you in an F&F group where we can communicate in real time. Nothing said in the group appears on the forum.
Velvet26 October 2019 at 8:13 pm #6937
Thank you so much velvet. This is day one of him being out and I actually feel sad because you are used to that person for so long but i feel no stress and actually free. I left my husband three or four times but he said that all he does is gamble and that he is a good person otherwise. And I would make myself sick going through his bank records seeing him transfer money and the look on his face after a game was over to see if I can figure out if he won or lost a bet. I went along with a lot of Vegas trips because he convinced me he would win. Who wouldn’t want to win but when he started taking out loans from a lot of loan places and pawning his stuff I knows it was enough for me. I am a person who doesn’t like to hurt people and that’s what makes it so difficult. I hope that when I give him this information that he will follow through. Thank you for taking the time to email back. I was waiting lol. Your comments really help. Thank you so much!!!14 November 2019 at 10:28 pm #6938
It would be great to get an update – I think that the recovery for F&F is really tough and so often ignored.
I hope that life is treating you kindly.
Do you know if your husband ever sought support?
Please speak again
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