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  • #1457
    angela2659
    Participant

    Today was an eye opener for me. I just got my paycheck. My boyfriend and I have been living together for several months now.
    We met in college four years ago and love each other very much. Back then he was so motivated, top of his class with huge ambitions and motivation. After graduation, he had a really rough time finding a nice job and that combined with other things going on got him started playing poker. Long story short, he gambled through 50K of an account he had and now is hooked on poker. Sometimes he wins big, many times he loses big too. He has admitted he has a problem in the past, but goes through phases– currently that he is a great player (maybe it is true- he has a LOT of experience now), but in a bad streak. He constantly states poker is a game of skill so it is not really gambling. He does not have a regular job- he re sells electronics. I on the other hand, have a steady job and know how much I will be getting in and when. I don’t make much now, and have a lot of debt including my student loans, so I can barely take care of myself financially.
    I let him borrow money a lot to cover for bills and poker money; and he always pays me back (eventually), but this last two months have been rough. I got a paycheck in yesterday- and my BF has not been doing well with the re-selling business, recently lost some items he had pawned, and has had a losing streak.
    This morning he asked me to borrow $300 for poker. For the first time I said No. Rent will be due in a few days and I barely have enough to cover rent for us. My BF became so insistent and ANGRY- really nasty with me. I have never seen him like this, and did not expect his attitude- especially after all that I have been helping out recently. I tried to explain I wanted that money for rent- poker is not a sure win, and we did not have anything to fall back on if he lost that money. His response was awful– ended in a huge fight. I don’t like him playing poker, I think it consumes him mentally, physically, and financially of course. I have been completely broke because I always let him borrow money before taking care of my own expenses. And now this!? How could he be so angry at me if I am only looking out for us?!
    I love him so much, but he is not the same man I fell in love with. No longer wants to go to graduate school, has given up on finding a job, and his priorities are so different than what they used to be. He is also very stubborn and hot headed, so arguing with him usually ends up in a fight ( me crying because I am so emotional). I just don’t know what to do anymore; he has borrowed so much money from his parents, so they will not loan him any more, has all of his valuables in pawn, and has no interest in finding a steady job (I should have a little more faith in his re-selling business, but it is so inconsistent- never know when there will be customers or not). I thought I was just going to stop letting him borrow money for poker, but after todays outburst I just don’t know what to do. He ended up taking the $300 today; it worries me that we will not have rent money. Even if he wins money, his actions have me very concerned. I told him I would no respond to his temper tantrum when I said NO to letting him borrow money, but in the end I let him take it. I know he will pay me back eventually— but this behavior opened my eyes to how big his problem has gotten to be. Don’t know really how to deal with it, who to turn to (I don’t want to make him look bad- besides this he is a wonderful man).  I am just lost in this and overwhelmed.
    I never really understood gambling addictions. The way I was raised and things I have been exposed to, I never really saw how gambling would make sense to anyone- it is SO difficult to earn a decent living, some people cannot even afford to eat- why risk it? However now that I see how poker has truly hampered by BFs success I am just so confused.

    #1458
    aching heart
    Participant

    Hi Angela…
    I totally understand how u feel as right now I’m going through the very same situation… I’m at the point now where I realise I’m enabling his behaviours and I know I need to stop as I exhausted drained n feels like my life is on hold can I get to work/ gym/ friends today will he b home from bookies in time to mind my lil boys… I’m new on d site I’m desperate and looking for guideance to get thru this… My mi d and heart are battling with one another tell him to the home but want him there as I love him and d boys adore him. Angela hopefully we can get through this and share what’s working what’s not xHope

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