Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 39 total)
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  • #12242
    chubbycat
    Participant

    Hi there
    Felt like something new.
    its morning here, chilly but sunny, coffee in hand. Breakfast is calling. I can make this day whatever i want to and today i want to make it a good one.
    Chubbycat

    #12243
    chubbycat
    Participant

    Hi everyone
    Just writing to say that i am still here, still trying to get better and be a better person.
    Today my plan is to do loads of housework, it is somehow therapeutic for me.
    To go for a walk
    To do something for someone else
    To do someone elses housework
    To make a necessary apology today to someone i was very grumpy too by overeacting over nothing
    To get things more organized, little things, like i have a hundred cords to things i can never find the one i am looking for so going to put little labels on them.
    Find some music that i enjoy and put it on with the housework, i have forgotten my love of music
    Chubbycat
    Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

    #12244
    paul315
    Participant

    Originally posted by Chubbycat

    Hi everyone Just writing to say that i am still here, still trying to get better and be a better person….  Today my plan is to … … …
    Good morning Cc,
    It looks like your real plan for the day is to not gamble; not gambling allows you to do the other things, even if they require a little more thought and effort, that you would not be able to do if wasting your time and energies gambling.  Not gambling allows you to remember and return to the love of things that was ****** from you by this addiction.
    God’s speed. Stay strong. Go about your days "with a song in your heart".LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    #12245
    stormy
    Participant

    Sounds like you had a nice day Chubbycat. 🙂
    Remember that life is good and enjoy.
    Cheers

    Stormy."The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket."

    #12246
    chubbycat
    Participant

    *****, i think i am in a chocolate coma… I have over indulged and i am sleep deprived, hit a giggly crazy stage where anything seems funny right now.. Not much sleep but lots of sugar, what a combination. hehe
    Chubby
    Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

    #12247
    sherry123
    Participant

    Happy New Year CC.  It’s only a little after 10pm here in Eastern Washington.  My husband is asleep in his chair, the dog is snoring and I don’t think I’ll be up much longer either.  Hope you get some sleep and 2013 starts off great.

    #12248
    chubbycat
    Participant

    Oh thank you Sherry we must be posting around the same time, it was good to see a post pop up before my eyes..thank you. The sugar high is still with me. I must say i feel a little sick but oh it was so so yum. I ate coconut ice which is something that i really love as a little treat and of course chocolate.
    looking forward to getting to a GA meeting some time soon, i need a little wee dose of sanity and it is time just for me. I actually love the meetings i feel i relax as soon as i walk in those rooms
    Chubby

    #12249
    chubbycat
    Participant

    Hi again well I post a lot these days because I am scared of ever going back out there.. giving it my all today to not be focused on that gambling madness as recently i have had some tough *****, i was so close to gambling recently and it really scared the **** out of me.. It makes me realize that at any minute as i have in the past i can just relapse but this time the difference is the space i get in my thinking before i go and do it. Before there was no space, i just went and didnt have a thought process, just the lure of the **** of those machines would pull me in like from some magnetic force.
    Luckily i am learning that while in that addictive thinking and it does grab hold every now and then very strongly.. it is hard to think clearly which is exactly why i cant rely on my own thinking and must rely on someone elses to help me see straight.. have a good day all
    Chubby
    Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

    #12250
    chubbycat
    Participant

    Well i am having really really strong urges.. after all the i just have to do this for today and i am in recovery i am having massive urges that are driving me crazy.. as long as they stay an urge and i put no action behind them i will be ok, i need strength they have come thick and fast and just happened. Have not happened like this, this strong in a long long time
    Chubby
    arrrrghhhhhhh

    #12251
    chubbycat
    Participant

    Hi again
    Still having urges. Still they are whispering to me. it is hard today, really hard. The lure is strong. I cannot gamble i know what will happen, it will start the cycle going again. Once i start i cant stop, once i go once i will go till i have nothing. I will be insane. Not that im not now but it will be worse. I will be miserable and guilty and ashamed and sick. I will go mad if i go so i need to just work through these urges, i need to accept i cant go.. i feel like going , but the part i feel like is the part sitting in front of a machine, its the only part my head is focusing on today so i am trying to remind myself of the misery but my head has a strange way of just pushing that part aside. I have come along way, i dont want to go back now. I dont want to go back to struggling to get through each day and if i think its tough fighting urges today then it will be ten ***** as hard fighting them again if i go. My obsessive nature will take over and i might not even come back. i dont think i can do another relapse. Im here reminding me today that this is one day, i can get through the rest of this day and be safe, its all i have to do, i just have to get through till i go to sleep tonight. Then i can wake up and do it again tomorrow.
    I will start working on myself again today, i will look at the things creeping back in that i need to change because this is what has worked for me before. I have hope, i see others making it here, i see others in GA making it, i am making it today and its taken a lot of effort to get to where i am today.. i will not ruin this again. i will not sabotage my recovery. I will listen to others. i will not listen to me today.
    Chubby

    #12252
    sherry123
    Participant

    Yep, giving in will be feed the addiction and the urges will be more often and stronger.  Good for you in fighting them off and not giving in.  I know it’s hard! You’ll be proud of yourself tomorrow.  I am proud of you today.

    #12253
    desdemona
    Participant

    Dear (((CC)))! You haven’t posted since you spoke of awful urges, but I’m believing that you made it through unscathed, and didn’t gamble. You shared what the difference is now with you when you get urges. You’re able to reason things out in your brain, instead of running off gambling. Do you have a project that you’d like to do like repaint a room or a porch? If so, why not have the brush, the paint, etc handy when you have a day where your addiction tries to suck the life out of you , by being so relentless. Start painting, do meditation or deep breathing exercises till you feel relaxed. Our addiction wants us to start off the year by gambling so that it is in control, not us. So that we feel like failures, instead of the rock stars that we are. Carole 

    #12254
    chubbycat
    Participant

    Thank you Sherry and Carole
    Thanks for saying you are proud of me Sherry it made me teary.. thanks for your support too Carole.. I like your idea of painting or doing something.. My main weapon against gambling now is my phone. Talking to another recovering compulsive gambler is the greatest help to me. They help me unravel my muddled thinking. I am thinking of some fun hobbies and things i can do too to do also.
    I am starting to feel like taking a break from the site.. alarm bells instantly go off in my head.. my thoughts cant be trusted, what do you think, take a break? hmmm maybe i should look at why i want a break. Why why why.. is my head being sneaky? Am i sabotaging? or is my break actually a good idea.. what does the past tell me. Well most of the ***** i have not come back here i have gambled. Last time i had a break i hadnt but most ***** i had. Last time i had little access to a computer too. So this is how my recovery has changed, i question my motives now, i question my questions and i ask advice from others, not myself because it is myself that gets me into trouble..
    Chubby

    #12255
    chubbycat
    Participant

    — 1/3/2013 9:16:36 PM: post edited by chubbycat.

    #12256
    desdemona
    Participant

    My advice (((CC))) is not to take a break. I would use the forum to get stuff out, whether you’re feeling good or low. Carole

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