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Hello everybody,
Let me tell you a little bit about my addicted tendency to gambling. I started betting more than 10 years ago online, mostly in sports events. I started because I friend of my girlfriend show me a website where you could place a bet on football matches, I remember I added something around 50 euros and it was fun, but not really addicted at the moment, that was in 2007. Then I do remember betting, but it was never a problem and I was doing it occasionally.
Gambling and betting were growing and it was also on online poker and sometimes playing poker on casinos. I must say that when I used to play in casinos with real money, I could control myself more and realize that I am losing or winning, instead of when I do it online the money looks more like credits or just numbers. By 2011 I was gambling every day, online sports betting. I am an ex-pat, I have travel and lived around the world, but somehow gambling was there, it was a comfortable place to be, even when I didn’t want to do it. In 2012 I started the relacionship with the love of my life, and ater few months of being together, one night I lost 500 euros in a match of tennis: Ferrer vs Nadal…. and we took a shower together and I told her that I was gambling… she was shocked, because I was hidding it that she couldn’t realize it. I was able to stop for a while but then started again.
In 2013 It was hard, I was betting every day and losing a lot of money, so I decided to find help. I was able to find a psychologist that could speak Spanish, my mother tongue. He helped me out, and after few months of work, I was clean. During that time, I travel a lot, I was making a lot of photography and enjoying life! It seems that gambling was part of history. But… After more than a year, I started with 1 bet, thinking that I could do it responsibly and for fun. It didn’t work… slowly I started to bet more often until the time that I was doing it again like in the past… Hiding it again for my girlfriend and having all the time the sensation of losing, started to bring no meaning to life.
I contacted another psychologist, this time was online. He is from my country, so he also understands my culture. We did therapy for a couple of years, and I was reducing my gambling until being able to stop. But I noticed that my behavior was not changing, I think I am an addicted person to whatever I choose to do. I started running, and from no running in my life to run more than 100km in my month… of course, my knee was injured after that. I notice that when I choose to do something, I am 100% for it, that for good things is positive but also extremely dangerous for gambling.
In 2017 I discovered the world of Crypto, and even dough I was “investing” I lost also a lot of money because I was constantly busy with it and putting a lot of money into the crypto market. I was new, and I saw that I have invested more than 10K and it was 3K worst… So I found a place where you can do futures, something like predicting the future of the price of Bitcoin… I lost all of that money. The horrible feeling is that if I will keep that 3K, that I thought it was going to be 0, no I will have around 50k!! so depressing.My girlfriend is always sad about how bad I manage my money and she is losing trust in me, I decided at that moment to install the Bank app on her phone, so she could always check If I was betting or spending the money on stupid things, putting a blocker in my addiction. That worked for a while, but I was always able to find sneaky ways of gambling without her realizing it. The positive thing was that the amounts I was gambling were not so big, but the effect in my life and my head was the same!
I started again into Crypto this year and a few weeks back I lost 5000 euros in a week predicting the price of it.
I know I have a problem, I know that I am addicted and a gambler (I remember as a kid playing kid games but for money) and I know that sooner or later I have to stop with this or it will destroy my life and the life of my family. I love games, I love the feeling and adrenaline of gambling but it is a fund for few seconds, and even if I understand that I am only losing time, money, and y life, it is a fight in my head that I can’t win at the moment! For more than 2 years, I am taking anti-depressing medication, and a lot of times I was thinking that I will be better dead than alive.
I want to be conscious in my head that gambling is not an option! and fill that space with things that make me wanna live! I don’t want to hurt the people I love and I don’t want to destroy my family for something so stupid as gambling.
This site is already helping me with the forum and the groups, thanks to Charles for being there yesterday and I needed to write this here.
TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF MY NEW LIFE WITHOUT GAMBLING
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works! -
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Thank you for sharing this story with us. I know how hord it is to deal with gambling addiction.
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