Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum My Journal *****, trying to be hopeful for this new year when all hope is lost

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  • #11772
    cantgetright
    Participant

    Hello, I can’t help but feel as if Steve is just like me. Except instead of online casinos, because I don’t trust em. I wager on random games or tennis which I know nothing about to regain my losses. I cannot handle a bad beat. I am living a life consumed by sports.. and I hate myself that I cannot stop the mistakes that I make over and over and know I shouldn’t be doing so. I just blew through my account balance and have no income to come in , I really needed that check/money. I just want to curl in a ball in my bed and fall asleep and never wake up.
    if you could go back in time before you made that first bet, or that first gamble would you still do it?
    For me, the answer is No. I am 27, no kids, no wife.. with not much in my bank account and a crappy car collecting unemployment. I could only imagine how much worst it would be if I had other people to take care of, or would it make me more responsible?! I doubt it. I have had the gambling bug in my genes, my family would pitch quarters or play poker at every family get together. My dad and grandpa would bet horses, make trips to Vegas.
    I inherited 5,000 at 18 and started betting through a bookie through my Uncle. I remember I lost like 700 or 800 the first 2 weeks which made me pretty sick. I had a $ 100 parlay going to get it all back.. All I needed was Denver to beat the Raiders by a touchdown. It was 2004, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ6-Xld4d68.. it was snowing in Denver and the Raiders had been horrible as usual. Well, Porter and Collins kicked my behind and I lost again. I blew half of the money and got a car with the other half..
    I was playing poker at the casino 10 minutes away since 18 or 19, even hit a jackpot for 1400 and got paid half of it with a promise to bring social security/id on return. I never went back for a year or so..Tooken many bad beats through my years there and hate the place now. One time I played poker for hours breaking even, wasn’t satisfied with that.. So I pissed away my whole check of $700 in 5 minutes at blackjack as I played the martingale system walking out the door. What a feeling that is as you walk out to the car and tell your buddy who just walked out with you as you guys were grinding for hours what you just did…
    I have been betting offshore since 2007, I have withdrawn 4 times or so and deposited over 150 times I am sure. Mostly 20-50 deposits and some $200. But , I keep telling myself I can pick winners… What a blind and ignorant fool I must be right? I’m hooked.
    I can no longer enjoy a sporting event without thoughts of how easy of an under/over it would be.. or I knew this team would win. I have lost a job because I was adding hours to my timesheet to get more money to gamble. I was so dumb I would turn my 36 hour week into 60 a few times.. of course payroll eventually noticed and I got fired. One of my biggest regrets and I cannot figure out what I was thinking, now I collect unemployment and wish I had a job. My car has taken a dump on me because it is a lemon.
    If you are still reading hopefully you aren’t too judgemental and can have some helpful words for me..I am feeling down and out and just need to vent somehow some way.
    I deposited 30 $ last week, and quickly turned it into 600 . I requested a withdrawal for $385 Saturday night. I then bet and won a few games Sunday.
    I decided to put the whole $300 on the Cowboys + 3.5 Sunday night. Of course I couldn’t believe they converted the 2 point conversion, and was drinking watching the game at a friends house. They then get a sack, unbelievable to push em out of fg range!
    Romo has the ball with 3 minutes left down 3, just anything but a int I say out loud.. and of course he throws the lamest pass for his 3rd interception. The lamest of them all .. I couldn’t believe it. I was busto .. but had 70 $ from cowboys/under 1st half I decide to throw it on some tennis match that night because I couldn’t handle the loss and was drinking. I lost it.
    I then cancel my withdrawal and bet $240 on the Cincinnatti Bearcats +3.5 first half for some reason this morning.. they go scoreless the last 3 minutes of the half and had a ugly turnover and missed ft’s from the 26-26 tie game mark to end the half 32-26. Of course they look like a whole new team in the second half and beat the crap out of Pitt smothering them..
    I went back and forth on my last wager.. was thinking Georgia Tech and under .. parlay. Instead I choose Michigan St and the over parlay em for 140 to win 360 bought it up to 7 and over 129.
    MSU is down 37-25 in first half with 4 or 5 minutes to go, they end the first half on a 3 to end the first half down 1, 38-39.
    In the second half they were up 59-54 with 8 minutes left to play. They then proceed to turn the ball over, get frustrated and score 4 points the final 8 minutes of the game.. I sat here shocked yet not surprised as Minnesota ends the game on a 20-4 run to win by double digits.
    So my last 3 wagers I felt were all good wagers , but had some bad choke artists factoring into play. Yes, I know my money management is horrible. I realize this. I don’t get it, when I only have a couple hundred bucks and deposit 20-30 that is a huge bet for me. Then I build my roll and I am betting more and more.. and if I bet less feel like I am losing money.
    I think about betting on sports every day, it is a consuming thing. I really think I need to just quit as I have gone busto again when I should be waiting for a check that I really need.

    I know it is not healthy for me, but I love the thrill of the potential win and enjoying the games. Right now I am just so sick of it all, wanting to go back and make all those smart winning wagers I should have. I need to figure out how to move on, let go of the past plays and improve. I have not improved, I have gotten worst.
    Every day I look at the scores and say ” If only I would have bet that game, I knew that team would cover, why didn’t I just do that? “
    Coming up on a new year and trying to be hopeful to change for the better and learn something from this. I would not gamble if I could go back in time and start over, but do I have the power to stop now or to somehow manage my money and learn from this? Learn not to gamble what I cannot afford to lose?? I don’t know fellas, I don’t know.. feeling kinda hopeless at this moment.

    #11773
    cantgetright
    Participant

    I can’t even sleep, all I can think about is the wagers I should have/Shouldn’t have made.
    This is terrible, my biggest enjoyment and passion in my life is betting on football and basketball. I think about it all day every day, I know this isn’t good for me.. but I have been doing it for 7-8 years now. My life feels empty without it. I have ruined all my relationships, isolated myself in my room hating life as the team I bet on chokes away a late lead after winning the whole game. Feeling suicidal as my family is in the living room living life. I know the NFL playoffs are starting up and there are College Bowl games to bet on every day.. and I just blew through the $625 I had in my account that I built up in 2 days due to my recklessness. I have $100 dollars to my name, with no income and am more depressed because I cannot bet on the playoffs. I can’t watch a game without money on it, I know longer enjoy sports like that… all I will do is root against whatever I would have bet on. Please tell me I something real , I have read so much stuff about peoples stories and what I should do.. go to ga, find jesus, block yourself from sites, but I feel like that won’t help me.

    #11774
    cantgetright
    Participant

    Sorry for the double post, how do I join the group therapy session and what time is it at in California time zone? Thank you for this site.

    #11775
    williame
    Participant

    ***** cantgetright,
    Ive been where you are today. On Sept. 2, 2012 I made my last wager and realized theres something wrong with me. What you and I have is the disease of gambling addiction. Thru alot of 1 on 1 therapy with a gambling addiction specialist, I relized my addiction was caused by abuse I suffered as a child from my mother, and I used gambling from a young age as a form of escape. Its a horrible addiction, and without treatment you will continue to suffer from it. You deserve better, you deserve a happy life free from this addiction. My advice if you are ready to free yourself from this addiction is to block your computer from all gambling sites (there’s a link on this site you can click on to purchase the software) and go to a GA meeting nearby. Also try to look online for a therapist who is experienced in gambling addiction and set up an appointment. I wish you all the best, the addiction is beatable (I feel GREAT since i went into treatment) but you have to be ready to surrender to it. Would be a wonderful way to start the New Year gamble free 🙂

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