12 February 2020 at 3:19 am #7054JE0146Participant
I’ve had my suspicions for going on a year now. 3 interventions, in the last 4 months. All at which she told us we were wrong and that there was no problem. I’m mad at myself for believing the all the lies, she’s apparently a really good liar; pathological I’d say. (She was diagnosed with Parkinson’s 10 years ago. And I’ve now been told, and have read countless articles on Parkinson’s drug side effects, but I’m still struggling with it)She was mia for hours on end, but her phone had “died”, she went to the grocery store but forgot her wallet, her debit card was hacked 4 times. Looking back now I feel so stupid for believing. Because 2 weeks ago my life as I knew it came to a crashing vault. When I received a phone call at work from the bank, but they weren’t actually looking to get in touch with me, they were looking for my mother. But when I tried to call her, I got a message stating the number was not in service. So I hung up and called my dad, at which time I got the same not in service message. My heart sank, and I felt instantly sick. That’s the moment I knew my suspicions were right all along. So I left work, and drove to my parents house, because it was early enough that I knew she would not be home from work yet. And I ransacked every inch of that house with the help of my poor dad. Until I found it, it was hidden in a grocery bag, in a dresser drawer, under clothes, in a stack unopened bills and returned checks. December’s bank statement as with a balance of $47. As I combed through the statement and saw $700 hits per night at the various casinos. Money wires adding up to $7000, from my cousin whom is like a brother to me, had just lost his mom and attempted to OD. She weaseled that money Out of him in his most venerable state. And with every deposit he made, she Made a large withdrawal and took that directly to the casino too. He unknowingly because her lender, when she had completely run herself and my poor dad bone dry. She even cleaned out her pension of 42 years… leaving only 3 pennies behind. But it didn’t stop there, she stole credit cards from my poor grandmother, and maxed them all out… $18,000 to be exact. So my grandparents sold their house, because she’s caused them to be broke too. I’ve just learned the truth about why they sold their house this week. My brother and I are now paying all the back payments, to bring them up to current. On top of paying the current bills, and fully financially supporting them. It’s putting so much strain on my marriage already. I can’t… don’t believe a word that comes out of my mothers mouth, nor do I know if I ever will again. I can’t make eye contact with her, can’t say I love you, and cringe if she tries to kiss or hug me. I hate her, I don’t know how to change that. She’s ruined more lives than just her own. And while we sit here trying to pick up the pieces, she continues to act as though nothing is wrong.12 February 2020 at 9:10 am #7055duncParticipant
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
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We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy TeamvelvetModerator
Your mother continues to act as though nothing is wrong because to accept responsibility for her actions, when she has no coping mechanism, is more than she can handle.
I reckon that having read the above that you will be saying – but what about the rest of us, how do we cope, we must handle what she has done to us – why is it all about her?
You can cope because you don’t own the addiction that controls your mother’s life. You are logical and rational; you are just trying to muddle through your life with its ups and downs as best you can but (unlike your mother at the moment) you can control your own life. Your mother’s addiction has no logic or rationale, it is destructive and manipulative; it hurts all those who are close to it and most of all it destroys the person who owns it.
I am hoping that the interventions included your father, brother and grandparents because it is important that you are all aware of the capabilities of a gambling addiction. In my opinion you should all double up on protecting any finances that you have and look after each other at this terrible time. I suggest that the whole family should understand that until your mother seeks treatment for her addiction she cannot be trusted, indeed she cannot trust herself.
I can support you but sadly it is beyond my remit to advise you on the drugs being given to your mother to control her Parkinson’s disease. Are you able to speak to her Parkinson’s health provider? Perhaps you could approach the casinos where your mother indulges her addiction and request, in the strongest terms, that they should take some responsibility for the care of your mother who is undoubtedly a vulnerable person.
It is so important that you look after each other and stand united against your mother’s addiction. I really do understand your feelings towards her but whereas I too hate the gambling addiction, I believe that the vulnerable person who owns such a debilitating addiction deserves sympathy, never hate. It is better to support her by refusing to enable her and to find the right support for her whilst always ensuring that you protect yourselves. The health of all those around your mother is important and I hope it helps to know that your mother did not ask for or want her addiction anymore than you.
Your father and brother would be welcome to communicate with out Helpline which is excellent. Your mother too would be welcome in our ‘gambler-only’ groups which are facilitated on Monday and Thursday evenings UK time. She could share with those who understand her but are working towards gamble-free lives. Our Helpline is there for her too. Gam-Anon is a great organisation, sister to GA, it is for friends and families affected by the addiction.
I would love to welcome you and your family to an F&F group, nothing said in the group appears on the forum, so it is a great place to let off steam but also to learn about what it is that is causing you so much pain and how to cope with that pain.
Please keep posting, you will always be heard
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