20 December 2017 at 10:27 pm #8582
The damage was done. As we sat across from our counselor, I, for the first time saw our situation through my wife’s eyes. The pain was inconsolable, the trust was finally broken.
They were thinking I had made progress. Almost a year of guidance… a year of hidden truths. I hesitate to say lies, because it never started out that way… But as the truth comes out, the lies become exposed for what they are.
I am not a perfect man, however, I am better than this. I always thought I caused MYSELF pain, but this time I truly hurt someone else, I hurt the woman I love. I took a priceless gift, the gift of trust, and burned it up, like I would burn through money in a bad session.
This day is different, this is the first time that I recognize the pain of another. I can no longer be selfish, I can no longer live with “my” problem. It is time to get better. Better for me, better for my wife…better for life.
It isn’t going to be easy, but it will be worth it…because anything worth having, is truly worth working for….I owe it to myself to make this work, because I cannot afford another loss, a loss that I cannot recover from.
The time is now, everything is in place, it is now up to me to not gamble today. No more secrets, no more hiding. I have to say….it feels good! Time can heal wounds, bank accounts can recover, and the soul will become whole again. Trust will build in my relationship, and it will build inside myself, because I trust that I will do the right things. Today is a good day! I will not gamble today!!20 December 2017 at 10:35 pm #8583
This is not a traditional poem, per se, but it is a story leading toward a happy ending!!21 December 2017 at 8:00 pm #8584charlesModerator
Well done Johnny8 January 2018 at 12:42 am #8585TayCuddieParticipant
Very, very awesome read here. I read this 4 times in a row. I love it. Nice post.17 January 2018 at 1:33 am #8586
Thank you for your comment, I was a little worried that my “untraditional” poem would fall on deaf ears. I think all stories have a place, I enjoyed chat with you, and I hope I can be a little help in your recovery. The beauty is it is never to late to start fixing what is wrong, and be thankful you are recognizing the issue while you are still young.. It took me 30 years and several hundred thousand dollars (which makes me ill to write) to start doing something productive about my issues. I can’t say I will never try to play again, but I know I will not play today…and as much as it hurts, I know I probably shouldn’t play anymore!
Good Luck, Kick ass
John17 January 2018 at 1:34 am #8587
Thank you Charles!6 May 2018 at 10:57 pm #8588gallpe8141Participant
Nailed it worth fighting for8 May 2018 at 10:35 pm #8589
The fight has been worth it.. Through persistance (almost 6 months gamble free), I have found a new me. Do I miss it….if I am honest, I do, but I do not miss the negative results of playing, and the personal hatred toward myself for allowing myself down that path…. so I stay away, happily. Thanks for reading, and posting … best wishes on your path!10 May 2018 at 2:21 pm #8590finding_lauraParticipant
If I’m honest I miss it too. I think most of us do at least a little. But it will become less and less. I barely miss it except when I’m asked to really think about it, like your post made me. We just can’t gamble sensibly without causing ourselves harm. Like an alcoholic with a drink or a severe diabetic with sweets. The best is to just stay away. The hardest part can be getting that traction, that turning point, that epiphany. Very happy for you Johnny B. You may not have written a traditional poem but it speaks right to the heart of it for you. And isn’t that what a poem does? Makes us feel? Take care Johnny!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.