12 May 2022 at 9:10 am #154565nak311Participant
Hi all. This is my first post about my addiction on any platform, and I’m hoping to find the help/support here to stop gambling completely and turn my life around. I struggle with online poker and various online casino games.
My problem started about 2 years ago at the beginning of the pandemic. I believe a lot of factors come into play that led to my downfall, such as the pressure of starting a new company a few months prior only to see the economy take an absolute halt, my gf needing surgery and eventually losing her job (she started working again just 2 months ago and also has a teenage daughter we partially support), boredom stuck at home, etc. But regardless of any excuses I come up with, I am the only one who made the decisions that brought me here at 33 years old with $140k+ of debt and the loss of a 4-year relationship as of last weekend. My last bet was a week ago, and I have since confessed everything to people closest to me and who it effects the most: my now ex-gf; my 2 sisters; and my boss who also happens to be my cousin and financial advisor. That said, I don’t deserve any credit, because the only reason I confessed to my cousin was due to the fact that I had lost MORE than every cent I had, gone past my limit on all 4 credit cards, and was late on 90% of monthly bills including rent, and he is the only person I know who would be able to help me out of this mess. Not to mention the fact that I run his entire company, so I know my stability is essential to his priorities as well. And the only reason I confessed to my gf and sisters is because I was forced to.
I know I didn’t hurt these people on purpose, but it was predatory whether I meant for it to be or not. For the past 2 years I have made every mistake in the book trying to keep this from anyone and everyone, and what resulted was a hole deeper than I’ve ever even imagined I could be in. I have never felt so weak and ashamed. The only bright side is that I don’t think I have any ego left to hold onto, so it’s not difficult to accept the necessary moves I have to make. I did see a psychiatrist who specializes in addictions for the first time today and plan to keep seeing him, and my cousin and I have a full game plan of how to eventually get my finances back in order. There isn’t much I can do about losing the person I love most or her daughter who I have grown to love as my own as well. I’m taking the steps I know to take, but if anyone has additional suggestions, please share. I’m not used to being helpless and scared – it’s definitely humbling – but I’m devastatingly sad and lonely. I’m not typically a prideful person, but it hurts to know how low I can go. Lastly, I’ll just say that I’m not suicidal or thinking about hurting myself – I just hate the person I’ve become and need to change. Thanks for reading if you’ve gotten this far. I hope you are all managing and doing your best to keep moving in the right direction.
12 May 2022 at 9:11 am #154587DuncKeymaster
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team
12 May 2022 at 2:03 pm #154602jvr3419Participant
Hey nak311 your story sounds similar to mine. My gambling started 2 years ago as well for various reasons. I’m around the same age as you to so I get the devastating loss of being alone at our age from the addiction. My partner left to but in ny case it was a good thing. However I get that lonliness feeling but don’t let it take you out again as I’ve seen that happen many times to people. I’m glad to here your getting professional help and have been honest with the people in your life that’s the hardest part. If you haven’t already its super important to get yourself banned and put blockers up for those online casinos you played on that will help alot to not be able to relapse. It’s a hard road but I promise the healing part of this gets better in time. I was told many times in the last 10 years( I’m in recovery for susbstances to) to be alone for awhile to get healed from addiction because it’s a messy process to drag someone else into to. You got this and were here for you just keep writing and getting things out as we cant do this alone that’s for sure. Wishing you lots of strength.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by jvr3419.
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