Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #6942
    hanlhan
    Participant

    I recently posted about my partner, who relapsed last week and lost his wages. We’re now trying to put plans in place to move forwards.

    I’ve suggested, as well as self exclusion and going back to the doctor, that I have visibility of his bank accounts and could log in and see exactly where his money is, he couldn’t hide anything, and I’d and what payments he’s made and if we’re in trouble anywhere. It would mean I could transfer money out if I was worried about him or couldn’t get hold of him.

    Does anyone have any experience of trying this approach?

    #6943
    dunc
    Participant

    Hi Hanlhan In recovery there is something called ATM which stands for

    • Access
    • Time
    • Money

    Removing Access to gambling is clearly the ultimate goal

    Reducing available Time to gamble

    Being accountable for your Money

    What your suggesting happens all over the world on a daily basis and is a proven method to help a gambler. And the way to put this is “its not giving up control its regaining control of your life ” The other benefits is huge. To a gambler money is the drug, with not available money or being accountable the urges are without question reduced… not removed just reduced making therapy and support much easier to accept

    Take Care

    #6944
    hanlhan
    Participant

    Thank you for your thoughts, that’s so helpful.

    We’ve previously tried me taking control of all of his money, which didn’t work because he became resentful and felt like he was being treated like a child. So I guess, like you said, this is a way of him to retain control but still be accountable.

    It’s really good to know this is something that might actually work if we stick to it.

    #6945
    dunc
    Participant

    Hi Hanihan

    ATM are techniques used in many gambling addiction treatment situations… but these are mere barrier and not designed for long term they are designed to be used along side a therapeutic situation

    Im unsure of your country so its hard to recommend where to turn, one port of call would be the live support accessible by clicking the link in the top right corner.. and seeing what is available…

    Kind Regards

    #6946
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Hanihan
    It is great when a gambler accepts support with his finances and you are doing really well agreeing to support your partner with this.
    I am not keen on anti-depressants being offered to gamblers because the addiction is usually the cause of the depression and a fuzzy brain will never give lasting results. Dedicated addiction therapists and counsellors who look at the whole picture are, in my view, the best way for gamblers to tackle their problem.
    When your partner goes to the casino to watch the roulette wheel he is not de-stressing, he is keeping his mind in the action and that is a tiny step away from relapse. Gambling in his head is the equivalent of a dry drunk; it is the gamble (and not the money) that excites him.
    As I said in my previous reply to you, we have a terrific Helpline on this site and the facilitated gambler groups would willingly support him – it is all anonymous. If you are in the UK, GMA is an amazing rehab – details of which can be got from our Helpline and from the section on our forum page for GMA residential treatment, Q&A. GA is another great support.
    I know of many who have learned to control their addiction which is why I am writing to you now. I know your partner can be in control of his life.
    It would be great to ‘meet’ you in an F&F group where we can ‘talk’ in real time, nothing said in the group appears on the forum. Please stick to one thread, multiple threads often mean that support is missed because they are harder to follow.
    Speak soon
    Velvet

    #6947
    hanlhan
    Participant

    We live in England, and my partner has tried a number of different counselling solutions but he says talking therapy doesn’t work for him. We’ve waited 7 months for psychological counselling through the NHS but it’s taking a very long time.

    The ideal solution would be for him to spend time at a rehabilitation centre, but because of the debt caused by his addiction we don’t have the money for that and he can’t afford to take time off work.

    I’m hoping these barriers will at least go a way towards stopping him having the ability to gamble.

    #6948
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Hanihan
    In my opinion, when a gambler really want to change his life, it is important that every avenue is explored. If the ideal solution for your partner is rehabilitation then please look at GMA and don’t dismiss it because he has gambled all his money and can’t afford to take time off work. GMA is for compulsive gamblers and gamblers have often not got any money as a result of their addiction and it is understood that a man has concerns for his work.
    You and/or your partner can get information on our Helpline or by getting in touch with GMA direct.
    The project used to last 9 months but it is considerably shorter now and the time away is a drop in the ocean compared to a life-time – I know because many years ago I waited 9 months for change.
    As I said before, it would be great if you would join me on a Tuesday or Thursday evening when we can communicate in real time.
    Velvet

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