[fisk138]

Hi there everyone,
                           Im new on here and in need of help and support. I am a compolsive gambler and have been gambling since i was 10yrs old, I am now 31. My life in that time has been like most compolsive gamblers,complete and utter nightmare. Ive begged,borrowed and stolen to fund my addiction which led to a criminal record and only just escaped prison. about 2 and half yrs ago i decided enough was enough and booked myself into Gordon House which is a treatment centre for compolsive gamblers. I was there for 9 months and totally changed my life around. I was happy again, never felt like i did in all my life leading up to it. Not once did i gamble in all the 9 months i was there and learned alot about my addiction and about myself. Then it was time to leave and went to the halfway house where i begun my future. 1st few weeks went well but not being around so many people temptation started creeping in. It was about a month after i left Gordon house i had my 1st gamble and of all the ways of doing it i was gambling on a casino site on my dam phone in the early hours of a morning after a restless night trying to sleep and fight with urges at same time. I was weak and fed up fighting with urges on a daily basis so like an idiot i gave in to them. After that gamble i didnt do it again straight away but found myself back on the same site the following week. I then was going into bookies once or twice a week, The lies started up again to cover where i had been and the addiction was back in my life once more. I did manage to find a job in between my gambling stints but that just gave me more ammunition to gamble with. When i was in Gordon House i met my now girlfriend who lived in Newcastle and she knew every detail of my past from the times we had met up and was very happy with her except the distance between us. I also suffer from anxiety and its quite severe. I was having anxiety attacks at work nearly everyday and was not happy in my job not because i was gambling but of my anxiety. I have since seeked help from doctor for it and am on medication to help with the anxiety. Since i was not happy in my job i decided to move up to newcastle to be with my girlfriend. She had no idea i was gambling again and had she known she would of said stay where i am and sort my problem out 1st but i was in denial and did not tell her as i thought new place new start. As soon as i arrived bang i was gambling whenever i could. I found a flat to rent and now live in it on my own as she has kids and we wanted to ease me into their lives slowly which makes sense. I have lots of time to myself as she works and has the kids but all that gives me is time to destroy my life. I gamble nearly eveyday still on my laptop but now want to get my life back and end all this madness cause im sick to death with gambling and the misery it brings. I know i cant do this alone and hope to get some support from people on here and my old support worker from Gordon House who i contacted today for the 1st time since moving to newcastle. I have only touched the surface with what i have put on here but know many other compolsive gamblers will easily know the missing gaps in my past.
I look forward to reading any comments i may recieve and i hope to become a regular on here. Thanks for taking time out to read my post.
This is day one of my recovery.Will power and self belief will conquer all

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