22 September 2017 at 11:41 pm #5903jenny46Participant
I see you are still walking the hallowed halls of GT. Just needed to pop in and tell you i’m doing well, Started my own business a few months ago, lads are great although they suffered the trauma of their dad finally passing away through alcoholism in january of this year.
I can honestly say that although it is a different addiction, it was only the learning from this site that got us all through it, and for that I will always be thankful.
We are all now living a different life, I can never say that it is addiction free, as I don’t believe that we can ever really be untouched having lived with it… but I believe that I am a stronger and better person for coming through the other side, no regrets but would I do it all again … absolutely not !
I remember the people I met here and the struggles as well as the tears. I also remember the relief of talking to people for the first time on this site and for the first time realising that not only was I not alone but also that I was not as thick as I thought I was !!
Believe me, this site will never ever be far from my mind
Jenny xx30 September 2017 at 4:27 pm #5904velvetModerator
Wow Jenny for a short post you managed to pack a lot it.
I was sorry to hear that the boys lost their dad due to his addiction, it would be good to hear how they are doing. I understand how being on this site and learning about the gambling addiction can help you cope with other things in your life and I am glad you felt you got the support you deserved. I think I use all I have learned with compulsive gambling in so many walks of my life that sometimes it seems as though having the addiction in my life was meant to be.
I like to think of GT being the hallowed halls and sometimes I do feel I am haunting them but it is my way of making sense of my experience.
Being stronger and better for coming out the other side I can relate to – would I do it again – absolutely not – I will never allow the addiction to gamble to control me again.
Thanks for popping back, it means a lot. I understand why many posters go on to live their lives away from this site because it is not a place to dwell – it is always good to hear positive outcomes however.
You were never thick, struggling to make sense of the senseless is where, I think, we all start – you have also never been forgotten
Enjoy your addiction free life – you deserve to be free.
Velvet2 October 2017 at 2:27 pm #5905jenny46Participant
The boys ! not really sure where to start. It’s been hard – doesn’t do it justice. They watched their dad slowly kill himself for 13 years, finally watched him pass away after his liver failed and he bled from everywhere possible in an agonizing death.
I had taken him to the hospital as he’d become very unwell, vomiting blood etc. It was over and done with within 48 hours. He was telling the boys he would never drink again, I have no idea whether he meant it but remain doubtful, but my opinion is now irrelevant.
I watched them at his funeral, standing there doing their best not to cry, I was so proud of them but the pain was evident on their faces. The support from everyone was tremendous but it goes away. Youngest turned to drugs, middle flunked his second year at uni, now repeating it.
There is life after something like that , but its a tough up hill struggle and it’s a fight worth having or history can repeat and it does repeat and not necessarily with the same addiction.
The times that I thought I had ‘it so well ‘hidden’ or had got my children out of both the alcoholism and later the gambling addiction, have bitten me on the backside. These things can not be hidden and only serve to provide a distorted view to them. Do I regret letting things continue for as long as I did? absolutely, was I naive to think they wouldn’t be affected – absolutely ! But I’ve finished beating myself up and i’ve taken responsibility for my part
Things are thankfully moving forward, all be it slowly and in baby steps. Boys are now accepting that none of this was there responsibility and they did every thing they could for their dad, like all of us they probably did too much, but it carried them through – they were exceptionaly loyal and could not of done more for him.
Don’t think they will ever truly understand why alcohol or gambling becomes the priority in someones life or why someone would choose their own addiction over them – but as we know – sometimes there is just no logic to any of it.
We’re going forward now and things are getting easier but still hard if that makes sense ? accepting the illogical and often unexplainable is a difficult thing to do but not impossible.
Maybe I was also meant to have the gambling experience, maybe it prepared me for this – the toughest fight of my life. Sounds a bit dramatic I know but yes I was very well supported on this site and it taught me so much that I didn’t want to learn and maybe it was all for a reason.
The boys will be ok, they are getting there and we live to fight another day !
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