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    • #78076
      Ashley654321
      Participant

      I have been worth my husband for about 13 years now. I found out about 10 years ago that he has a gambling problem. It has been getting exponentially worse as the years pass. The relapses are becoming much more significant. In this past year he has gambled away around $45,000.

      Every time he relapses he admits he has a problem and says he had hit rock bottom. Each time we try and work through it and find new ways to try and handle it and he swears “this time is the last”.

      This is the first time I have actually said it out loud to him but I told him that our relationship was over and because there is no trust, and he keeps putting myself and our two small children in jeopardy.

      I feel stupid for letting this happen so many times and still staying with him, but I don’t have the guts to actually kick him out and watch him struggle.

      What do I do???

    • #78088
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hello
      Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
      Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
      Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
      Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
      If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
      You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
      We look forward to hearing all about you!
      Take care
      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by velvet.
    • #78125
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Ashley

      First and foremost, you are not stupid, there are no guidebooks handed out to married couples telling them how to cope if the addiction to gamble comes into their lives – it is not something one could be expected to know about; it is certainly not something that either of you asked for or wanted.

      You write that each time he slips, he admits that he has a problem but you don’t say what he does about it. This time you have done something different by coming here for support but what is he doing that is different?

      I have never heard of an addicted gambler changing his life for good without support. There is no reason for him to try and go it alone when there is so much help to be found. Promising that ‘this time will be the last’ is what he wants to believe but they are just words.

      What do ‘you’ really want? Do you want to kick him out? I will never suggest that you kick him out or ask him to stay but what I hope to do is to give you knowledge of his addiction so that you can make an informed decision that is right for you, for your children and ultimately for your husband.

      Time has sneaked up on me tonight but I will write again tomorrow, I wanted to get a reply off to you so that you know you are being heard and understood.
      I know that your husband can control his gambling and be the husband you want him to be and equally important, I know he can be the man he wants to be. If I didn’t know this I wouldn’t be here.

      I will post again soon but in the meantime, I hope it helps to know that everything you have said is understood.

      Velvet

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by velvet.
      • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by velvet.
    • #78539
      hopelessbear
      Participant

      I have an addiction as your husband. My problem was that I always thought I can handle it myself and actually never tell my partner about my problem until my rock bottom. He is really supportive just like you and I appreciate him for that. Addiction is something that need to be work on. You can not just say that this is it. I am done. The addiction will never leave you and you need to learn how to control it. He has to work on it. Has he done everything he can to get better? Counseling , treatment? Is he still taking care of his own financial?

      At the end of the day , His feeling is not matter. Even though I have a sympathy for him as I am also suffering from my own addiction but If I kept failing and disappointing my partner and my family especially my kids future. I understand if my partner wants to leave me and protect our children from me and my addiction.

      The question is What do you want? How do you feel? Do what is best for YOU and your children. Sure , He has problem and you stood by him. If he is still can not do or be better. You must do what is best for you.

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