14 January 2015 at 12:02 am #3623Laurieellis27Participant
I met my boyfriend at a casino two years ago where I work. He is a 7 stars player and at first I thought I could help him with his gambling. He owns a successful business and makes plenty of money that he subsequently uses to gamble. I’m talking five thousand dollars a week that he spends on gambling. He plays blackjack and I’ve seen him bet as much as five thousand dollars in one hand but his top bet has been 10,000. I’ve seen him lose 10,000 In about thirty minutes. Once he makes a large bet and loses it he chases it with an even larger bet and in a bad streak he will lose everything. Now I’m a dealer and I’ve seen this one too many times. People get lucky and can win but they will go right back and lose everything they won plus more. It hooks you in real quick. Just recently he got on a winning streak and won 31,000 in less than two weeks. He went one day and lost every last dollar. He kept all that money on his person telling me he didn’t trust me with the money. We all know that is a lie. He has a deep gambling problem and I don’t know what to do. He actually thinks he is going to make money and be a professional gambler. I’ve been with him two years and it’s the same thing. Win and then lose it all. His mom often bails him out when he asks her for money. He is 52 years old. I’ve tried everything to get him to quit. Mostly I just cry and go into hysterics because we have the most wonderful relationship aside from his gambling addiction. I just want a stable life. We won’t have that as long as he continues to gamble. After two years I think Im at the end of my rope. I’m ready to tell him I go if the gambling doesn’t stop. I don’t want to hear the dream anymore about how we are gonna have all this money and travel with him being a blackjack player. Does he not get this isn’t going to happen?? He tells me I’m not supportive and that I have a negative attitude about the whole thing and that we must be positive and reap the rewards of the casino. In his divorce settlement his ex wife lawyer subpoenaed casino and in past 7 years he has exchanged 3 million dollars and losses have totaled 700,000. That’s 100,000 of his money that he is losing every year at casino. Now this is just one casino. He plays several so may win at other places and go back there and give it all to them which explains the millions that have been exchanged. It’s really just sickening to me. I need help. Friendly advice. Encouragement. Insight. Anybody else have similar story. Where do I go from here?14 January 2015 at 9:40 am #3624DuncKeymaster
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, youll find the times for these if you click on the Group times box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself youll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and theyll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If youre the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isnt connected with GMA, please dont identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
Youll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which youll follow, some you wont…but thats ok because only you fully understand your
situation and whats best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you dont because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our14 January 2015 at 9:19 pm #3625velvetModerator
I assume that at the present time your boyfriend is not in debt but is covering his gambling with a well paid job. Unfortunately when that is the case it is hard for the CG (compulsive gambler) to see the damage they are inflicting on themselves and those around them.
The addiction to gamble has nothing to do with money – the gamble is everything and that plays with the mind of the CG. Is your boyfriend moody when he has lost, does he get excited as the time comes for him to play again and does he blame you when things don’t go well?
With his gambling addiction fully active your boyfriend is unable to see that his ‘so-called’ dream is impossible and that he will always lose because he cannot walk away – which is the lot of a CG.
How well do you get on with his mum? She is enabling her son’s addiction by bailing him out and in doing so she is contributing towards his downfall and misery. Many people do not realise that they are enabling – believing that love will conquer all and thinking that bailing out means love. Can you talk to her?
Knowledge of the addiction to gamble will give you power over it, so please stick with the forum (and/or) groups as there is so much to learn that can help. The most important message I can give you in this first reply is to tell you to look after yourself. Those who love CGs put them first and spend 24 hours a day worrying about an addiction that they do not own. The CG spends 24 hours a day thinking about the gamble and does not worry about those around them because the addiction is a selfish one.
You are wearing yourself out with crying and being hysterical and you have been getting nowhere so it is time to try something different and that means looking after you first. This might sound poor support but when those around CGs are exhausted by the addiction, they often lose confidence and self-esteem, which leaves them unable to help anybody and that includes their addicted love one. I suspect you have lost friends and interests during the time you have been with your CG – you are probably giving him your all because you want to save him from himself. It is hard to accept but none of us can save a CG loved one – the only person who can save your boyfriend is himself and at the moment he doesn’t appear to want saving.
I am going to stop now although there is much to say but I want to get this first post to you so that you know you are being heard.
Velvet14 January 2015 at 11:09 pm #3626alicyat824Participant
First of all let me say that you have come to the right place. I myself have met many a great person on here and I’m glad you’ve found the community we have. As Velvet said above this is the place to LEARN more about your situation and how to interpret it. Also in agreement with her, your first priority should indeed be yourself. It will be the hardest habit to break but you should work at it diligently. You are IMPORTANT. You are the only one who knows yourself well enough to give YOU everything YOU want and need. And the best way you can remind yourself how important you are is to remember that Self-care and Selfishness are two COMPLETELY different things. You can never see yourself as ready to support and help someone if you cannot do those things for yourself.
I encourage you to use the live chats (they’re great for instant feedback) and to continue to peruse the forums. We understand as perhaps no one can.
All my support
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