[aceslady06]

I stumbled on this site and i have to say thank you, after reading some of what you are going through or have went through makes me feel that i am not alone in this.
Oh where to begin……I have been with my younger 3 kids dad for 10 years now. my oldest daughter now 14 was only 4 at the time we got together. He is a cg to the extream every time he gets a dime in his pocket he takes off to gamble, now this will be anywhere from the casino, playing pool or keno and lottery to online poker.  We have had to move and move and move because he gambled the rent away and we got kicked out.  I have lost my oldes daughter because of this she moved in with her dad and I did not even fight her over it because i knew it would be a better enviormment then what we were living in because of his gambling habits. 
I am so far in debit (as he used all MY credit cards to gamble, and I had to take out student loans to cover housing and living expenses for my kids) so none of his debits are in his name bank accounts in mine and so on.  So I am the one that is liable to pay all this including bounce check fees and judgements against me for credit cards and evictions.
I have lost jobs because of his gambling, weather because of stress or because he could not make it home from the casino in time for me to go to work.
Now I have left him twice because of this both times for over a year. and i heard the same old song and dance that it wont happen again and so on.  the first time that i let him back in (one i had to get out of my parents house) I decided that I was the one that was going to work (even though he can make more money then me) and he was going to stay home and watch the kids.  Well that worked for a little while untill he realized that I had a secret stash of money that I was saving. But at least I knew that rent would be paid and bills be paid and I did that. I had to work 15 hours a day and go to school full time and be a mom but i did what i had to do.  Then after he found that i had money he would manipulate me into giving it to him saying that if he did not pay off this debt the guy was going to kill him, or that he was going to kill him self and that I would be the one to blam for his death. So of course i gave in.  He has (not recently) gotten violent saying he was going to kill me throughing knifs at me in front of my kids.  That is when I left him the last time. I moved in with my sister got a job in her town and got my CNA lic (certified nurses aide) a year went by i tried to communicate with him very little and i was getting my life back. 
Well it was time to move out of my sisters i landed a good job bought a house on Land contract and guess what he moved back to the town that i was in (knowing he had no place to live) and gave me the same song and dance. I did not let him in my house right a way he stayed with friends for a while and he acted like he changed and stopped gambling. He has his own construction company so we talked and put that in my name the checks he gets gets payed to the company not him so he has no way to cash them and the bank is only in my name.  Well that worked out for a while he was for the first time paying bills after 10 years of NEVER bring his paychecks home.  It seamed nice and a huge change that for once in our relationship he was taking responsibilty
So now he is in the house with us again, and checks still gets put in the companys name he has no access to the accounts or the money unless I give it to him.  HOWEVER all the tools ladders and so on that he needs for the business at goes to the pawn shop so he can get money to gamble and when he gets his checks the first thing i have to do is repay that so he can work and bring home money.  or he will go to the bar and play pool and gamble with no money and when he loses he uses the same line that this guy is going to kill me or he is going to kill him self or he threatens me to the point that i feel scared for my safty if i dont give him the money. 
Now I know i need to leave him but I am NOW unemployed so I can not afford to pay the bills on my own. I live in the worst state with the highest rate of unemployment and there are no jobs that will even come close to paying the bills here.
As I write this he is off with the last little bit of money we have and i just now got a text message from him saying he is driving off a bridge I dont know what to do any more.  The kids dont have what they need or want christmas is coming bills and housepayment is due and i have no money or no way to pay them.. Just the other day he made me write a check so that it would bounce because he gambled money he did not have and said his life was in danger. 
I am a finiancal And EMOTIONAL reck right now and have no idea what to do.  I know i need to leave but could not live with my self if he killed himself because i know that he can be a good person and that it si the anger and deprsion of loseing that makes him want to kill himself but what if one day he goes through with it.
I have lost everything due to him my daughter, a great paying job, homes, and now this one if i dont some how come up with 800 by the 4th to pay for the house payment I get no grace period as its not a traditional morgage and i can not get one because he has ruined my credit.
so to rant but i am just at my end and dont know what to do i have looked for a job but cant find one, so i feel trapped

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