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    lisamkh
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    I have many failed attempts at stopping gambling. Too many to count. I often feel out of control and I am getting very tired of the constant emotional upheaval as well as the physical affects. I know why I gamble – know what is needed to quit but I just can’t seem to make the commitment. The financial chase is sickening. I make good money, but the reality is I am always out of money and it disgusts me. It doesn’t matter if I win – I just put it all back in and then take more out of the ATM. It doesn’t matter if I am up 2 or 3k – I just keep pushing the button. It affects my work and my family greatly because all I want to do is gamble. Everything else in life has lost all meaning. That is the most difficult of all of this is feeling that nothing but gambling – the thing that brings so much pain – brings me my only joy. I need to stop because it causes my family so much pain and it makes me unavailable all the time. Gambling has resulted in my not maintaining friendships and contact with my sisters. It makes me so numb all the time that life has really become very much without meaning. I truly believe I need to find just a slight glimpse of meaning to move forward. I’m not suicidal – I just wonder if the gambling has resulted in leaving me emotionally empty. Gambling addiction truly is no different than being a drug addict – need the drug just to feel – need to gamble…just to feel. How long without gambling – days, weeks, or months before the irritability lessens and natural emotions recover? That is the test – the test of time.

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