[8675309]

I do not even know where to start! This is overwhelming for me, but I see it as a step in the right direction to recovery.

My situation is a little different. My father was an alcoholic. I saw myself going down that path and changed! Unfortunately, I just became addicted to something else, gambling.

I have been in and out of casinos gambling my money away since I was of legal age here in the states. You would think that I would know better being an employee of the casino industry.

I thought that all was well, gambling under control, boy was I wrong. My fiance and I were on a weekend away at a resort and my addiction got the best of me. I sat at the slots and kept feeding and feeding them. This turned into an argument the following day when I proceeded to enter the casino again and lose more money.

The car ride home was no enjoyable either. I believe that we are on the brink of being over and it crushes me. I did this to us. She does not trust me in any way, shape or form.

I do not want to make excuses, but I cannot go to gambler’s annoymous meetings. I am a higher profile employee in the casino in which I work. I also cannot exclude myself either due to the fact that a list is sent out to my co-workers each day with the excluded partrons from the day before.

What are my options to help aide me in my recovery? I have been casino free for three days now.

[maverick.]

Well done on your gamble free time, I know how hard it can be to not gamble for just one day, you are in a tough situation with your job but we both know what gambling leads to…….I can never gamble in a responsible way because I know I am a compulsive gambler, the only way we can move our lives forward is by not gambling, I cant tell you what to do because at times I cant help myself but it sounds like a job change could work wonders!!!!! We need money to live I know that and I have had some great well paid jobs but it didnt matter because I lost all my money gambling and lots more………It doesnt stop as I am sure you well know, the more I earned the more I gambled the more I lost the more time I was away from home……..its just a vicious circle and unless we break that cycle (not gambling) then nothing changes……….no sorry things do change but only for the worse, It is fightening how quick things spiral out of control.

I really wish you well and understand you are in a difficult situation but trust me (and you already know) there is no happiness to be found in gambling, I hope you can get your life back on track and I know you can, I also hope you can sort things out with your fiance………….I never really believed it but honesty is the best policy perhaps tell her you have a problem and ask for her help……….all I honestly do know is when I gamble I am not the true me!!!!!!!

Take care and keep sharing, hope day 4 gamble free is going well my friend.

Maverick

[charles]

<

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi 8675309 and welcome.

Well done on looking for help and on your gamble free time.

There is an old saying – actions speak louder than words. Now you don’t feel you can’t self exclude or go to GA meetings? Ok, so what can you do? How about being accountable for your finances? Your fiance could help with that. If you go to work with no cash on you then you can’t gamble at the end of your shift.

Don’t rule out GA either, it is what it says on the tin – anonymous; what’s said and who’s seen in the room, stays in the room.

You can keep posting here, other similar sites, go to counselling.

As Maverick says, only you can make a decision as regards your employment. But if a high profile, well paid, casino job means that you can’t use some of the support available, you lose much of that high salary anyway and it is going to effect your relationship then a lower paid job, where you can use support and hang on to your wages isn’t such a bad option.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Remember, actions speak louder than words and the actions that will help you stop gambling are the same actions that might help rebuild the trust etc in your relationship.

Keep posting.

[8675309]

She is aware of the issue. I can suppress my urge to go to the casino, but then when I relapse, it’s a real doozy! I feel that I am asking for her help, but this time it’s too late.

[8675309]

I think that the trust is gone and I don’t think that it’s coming back this time either.

[8675309]

Today was day four of no casino, but it was a bittersweet day. Our wedding is now on hold. I didn’t have an urge to gamble today which is a great feeling.
I shared with my fiance that I posted on here last night. She commended me for doing it when I spoke about it with her this morning. This evening, it became a different story. A comment was made that “six months ago, this would have been great, but now it’s too little, too late.” These words really hurt me. For the first time ever, I feel that I am attempting to get help with my addiction, but it’s too late. I’ve already lost the person that I love the most, the person that I want to spend the rest of my days with.
I don’t feel that we are going to come back from it this time and it really pains me. It pains me that I’ve hurt the woman that I love most in this world.

[maverick.]

It’s never too late to seek help, I understand what you are saying and you think you are losing the women you love but stick at it and keep working away, the trust will be lost but that can be regained in time, the problem is they have seen it all, the lies we tell, the money we have lost, the way we behave, mood swings, broken promises, lost time, they have seen it all but like I tell my wife it’s not the real me……….however I can only be the real me if I choose not to gamble.

Really well done on 4 days gamble free, keep up the great effort and remember time is a healer, wish you well.

Maverick

[8675309]

So, this morning I did some research and made a phone call. I found a counselor nearby that my fiance and I are going to visit. Our first appointment is Monday morning.
After hanging up the phone after a few intake questions, I finally feel that a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders! I feel relieved and relaxed and feel that not only am I, but we are taking a good step in the right direction!

[8675309]

Day five has come and gone, no casino visited!
My fiance and I started a bit of a savings contest. On the first day we each put 10 cents on the side, the next day 20 cents, the third 40 cents. We will run this cycle of saving every nine days with the amount doubling and will save $102.20 for each cycle. Multiply that by fourty 9 day cycles in a year and we will have over $4K saved!
In the grand scheme of things, it may not sound like much, but for someone that has gambled away WAY more, it is a start to show that I am capable of not gambling away my money and also hopefully will regain trust back from her.

[8675309]

I made it through another day, six in a row now!
My fiance said something today that really got me down though. We were going over our plans for tomorrow and I told her I was going out with a friend. She asked me to promise that I wouldn’t gamble. It irked me to hear it and I let her know, but she said it was something she had to say. I know that she still doesn’t trust me because of my past actions, but I need her to let some of it go or we will not get through this together.

[8675309]

I made it through my first week!
Tomorrow is a big day with our first counseling session, wish me luck!

[vera]

A landmark!
Hope the counselling helps!
ODAAT will lead to G-free months , years and a New Life if you use the “bag of tools” you have been given

[8675309]

Our first counseling session is down! We have another next Monday. If felt good to talk about what some issues have been on top of the gambling. I went and had lunch with a friend after as well and made non-gambling plans after next weeks session with jim as well, it’s been a pretty good day!

[8675309]

I made a mistake in the gamble free days. I am nine days casino free! I’m pretty excited at this point that I have gone this long and I see it only as the beginning! I am attepmting to work on things with my fiance, but it seems that we are not yet having as much success as I would like to at this point.
It seems like we are arguing more and more. It seems as if at times she wouldn’t care if I walked out the door and it hurts me deeply. I am committed to her, to us and to myself. I hope that she will in turn feel the same way that I do and accept me for who I am, that and her forgiveness is all that I can ask for.

[8675309]

That’s right, thirteen days casino free! We went out with a group of friends tonight for a birthday dinner. We had a great time! I haven’t had one urge in the last thirteen days to go to the casino. I’m hoping that this is truly the end of casinos for me!
Tomorrow we go to our second counseling session. I hope that we will continue to make positive strides to our goal of becoming whole again.

[8675309]

Today is my 16th day casino free! It has been rocky at home since our last counseling session Monday. I will take this one day at a time ans hope to move through it.

[8675309]

We went to our third session today and it really sucked! May things came out, many emotions as well as many fears. When we got back into the car, we both kinda broke down. We agreed to try to make us work. We have unfortunately postponed the wedding for right now, but we need to be on the same page firstly.
We spent the day together, went to lunch and did some shopping. It felt good, it felt right! When we got home, i had a package in the mail of some books I ordered: GA A Day at a Time and also Sharing Recovery Through GA. She was shocked that I purchased these books and was really proud of me, it was a great moment!

[8675309]

I am now over 30 days casino free! It is a good feeling to see that I am saving and getting life back in order. Things are going well and I cannot be happier!

[vera]

Well done!
All your hard work is paying off.
We reap what we sow. Stay focused.

[8675309]

Thank you, it really is paying off!
Staying focused and beating this disease is my goal. I am learnng that there are different outlets for my feelings than spending that time in a casino.

[I_Maverick]

Well done, it sounds like you are doing the only thing we compulsive gamblers can do – take it one day at a time. Be grateful your partner has stuck around, mine couldn’t take any more and we are now properly separated. We will always have to deal with each other as we have a very young child (2.5 years old) and she still does not trust me. Often asks if I am gambling again, to which I just always answer no and do not get offended. I have no control over her emotions and feels and thoughts. I know I have not gambled and that’s all that matters.

Keep posting your journey of recovery,. It won’t happen over night, but in time you will get a sense of the changes. recovery is a bit like watching paint dry or watching a pot boil. There appears to be no chane and then suddenly, you see the change happened right infront of your eyes, but you couldn’t see it as you were living it.

One word of advice, which you can choose to take or not. About her trust. Let her learn to trust you again, it will take time. Do you stop gambling for her, do not go to GA for her. Do it for you and only you. This is what I found. When I did GA for me, and when I decided to look for recovery for me, everything changed. I have no control over anyone but me, and I want recovery.

I look forward to hearing more of your posts as you collect keyrings in GA.

Thanks for sharing.

Best

Mav

[lizbeth4]

I am so happy for you! You are smart about finding a counselor to talk to and for doing it together as a couple. She will learn to trust you again. Hard work=no gambling! Keep it going!

[8675309]

I almost did it on Friday, I almost went back. I was traveling home and was near where the casinos are. I got off on the exit and got to the bottom of the hill, I caught the light at the bottom. I sat and debated, the light turned green. I went through the intersection and got back on the highway and went home. I won. I was faced with a battle and I conquored it. I am now 73 days casino free!

[Author]

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