Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum My Journal Why cant i quit gamblering any help?

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    danny1988
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    Hi everyone,
    My name is Daniel i am a compulsive gambler,this is the first time i have ever written a post.I am 25 years old and im from the uk,i started gamblering at the age of 16 on anything and everything.It first started with the lottery and then going to bingo and playing on the slot machines and winning on bingo the odd £100,everything was great for me then it was extra money.I was  an apprentice bricklayer and went to college and thinking about my career,and looking forward to getting a car etc.I started going bingo more regular than usual and playing on the slots and winning but then things really started to go wrong,i would always walk out there broke.I would never have any money to get back home so i would have to walk back and to make matters worse i would not have any credit on my phone!!!walking home was bad enough but being pissed off how stupid i was,was another thing(I Did this for 3 years) and lost about £6000,which over three years alot for a 16,17,18,19 year old.I then started buying scratchcards and winning here and there the best win i had was £40 and that £40 cost me hundreds of £’s.It all started off when a good mate of mine won £25,000 off a £1 sratchcard and then,thats when i went crazy.I would spend all my jobseekers allowance on the and by £110 pounds worth of mixed £1’s & £2’s and only get back £30>50 (so win 1 in 4 is bs).At the age of 20 i started to go the casino and i was winning and the losing i started off on blackjack and would win £200 of £5 on £2 bets (yes i was lucky).I then started going on slot machines and i was wining like £500 and it was good yeah i did lose but i was coming out with a nice amount of money for a few hours in there.Now it all went pear shape when i got introduced to roulette i would lose and then win,but then i "learnt the system",so i thought i would win £2000 aday because i spent 1000’s of hour’s playing and some days i would be in there for 25 hours none stop.I started going in 7 days a week at the age of 21 and its true certain numbers follow other 1’s for example 11 comes out chances are its a double number 22,33.Then you have zer0 my favourite and it come out 36 also 13 comes out its 31 there is so much and too say its random does my head in.No MATTER WHAT I STILL LOST!!!,why? because i couldnt help myself i wanted more and the only way i could get out of the casino was either win something massive or lose my money.I will get back to the roulette in a bit,i also started playing online for years aswell which started off on bingo and then slots and then poker,with poker i thought wow i can make some great money here because its all about skill and i have control.To cut a long story short i lost about £10,000 in a year and half i was hooked.I knew my gamblering addiction got out of hand when i was selling my laptop and getting it on buy it back(I did this over 14 times with 3 different laptops).I did buy them back which some cases i thought right i will get money of the computer and win in the casino and get it back and have money.I always got them back through wins or lending money off people or work.I also played in the bookies betfred and used to win but mostly lost on the machines which people need to know you cant beat a machine.I lost over 6 years not only of my life but over £10,000 easy.I also played the lottery there and a game called goals galore( when both team scores you win) i would say i have lost only about 400 on that over the last couple of years.Ok last year was the end of my stupid gamblering problem so i "thought",I went on 888 casino and deposit £20 and got upto £4250 great yeah i was in such a happy mood and i withdrawn it after playing on it for 2and a half days i was up and down..i checked on the 2nd day if i could see if the withdrawel has completed but it didnt,I lost it in 20 minutes playing £300>£450 a spin(i felt sick).On 888 casino for every £10 you bet you get 1 point. i had 24,900 points in 2 days,which is a huge wager.I then had £800 on me and i went the casino and thought well if i have the cash there and then i can walk out,but i lost it all.On the way back when my brother picked me up i was pulling 1 or 2 hairs out my hair and when we got back i has a little patch.My brother went bed and i was looking in the mirror hating myself for what i did…i then pulled all the hair off my scalp and wanted to feel the pain(i know what your thinking do i have trichotillomania?) the answer is no i have only done this once in my life.I did not know this but my thick hair i once has is gone,i didnt know until reading it online that if i damage the hair follicular it want grow back.now 70% of my hair has still not grown back over a year ago.I am here seeking help because i lost £2000 of my compensation from a car crash that i was waiting for for 6 months.I was so happy because i was saying to my girlfriend i cannot wait babe until i get a car and take you nice place’s,and i really was going to get a car.I was on the way to get a car and because i gave my mum money and brother and girlfriend i was short for the vauxhall corsa i wanted.I told my brother lets take another route and just take me the casino,he knows what i was like and he said no its ok lets get your car but i gave him more money for himself because i knew i would make money so £40 was no biggy.I was in the casino for 9 hours and broke even then played some more and i made £600 profit and then i came back the next day and was in there for 39 hours and i had to sign back in.The casino knew i was not forcused and i was playing stupid i had not eating anything for that time i wasnt hungry i was just playing,going out for cigerettes and drinink coffee.I could never leave the table easy without wanting to play every spin.There was so many times when i thought what number on the roulette was going to come out,and it did all i thought is what if i put a pony on that (£25) chip.There is so much i want to say but this is too much for someone to read so sorry about that,if you have read it so far well done :-).The worst part about it all that kills me is that i have got such an amazing family and they all know about some of it as i am so honest.I hate what im doing so much when my amazing mum who brought me and my two brothers up and looked after him while he had a stroke(died when i was 12), works so hard as a carer and only gets min wage but appreciates every penny.and im there throwing money i cannot afford to.I also have and amazing,beautiful,caring girlfriend that i love to bits and i feel like the biggest ***** ever.I feel like i have wasted 6 years of here life i know i can never get back she is 27 and she knew i used to gambler but i have hidden alot from here,because i dont want to lose her.I know if i didnt gambler and get alot of loans(credit cards,payday loans,door loans for £7000 now i owe £21000 with interest).But like i said i wish i never got involved in it because i would have a house,kids and a nice car.over the last 9 years i would say i have lost over £50,000 of my own money and with winning wow i dont wanted to think about it,because it would be a what if saying.I forgot to mention back in 2010 i lost my driving license because i went the casino with no insurance and i thought i will win tonight and get it back.But i lost it and my car got siezed and lost my driving license.I went back the casino and i would alot of money over time and could of got my driving license back but i ended up losing it.I would never say i won because i always gave it back the next day,its like an elastic and go out and spring it back in.There is so much i wont to say about how it is affecting me and the decisions,horrible ones me and my partner had to do but i wont go there.I hate what this is doing to me the last couple of years every day i have manage to gamble on something i even make people i know account on the casinos site,just so i can play.For example there was a site offering £20 no deposit bonus and other when i had to wager it by so much and they will give me money yeah i did wager it and got free money but lost it.So about the account i went on my facebook and picked some friend i knew i could ask to get the money if i was to win,i did this on about 90 people on my list no girls*.I am a member of every site on the internet that offers nd bonus so i cannot created the same account again as it will pick up my details and say sorry only one bonus per house hold.I have lost so many hours of my life playing online aswell and its pointless no matter what i lose,i cannot control myself i feel like im greedy but its not that,im not even bothered about money.I want to change my self and stop being so stupid i hate the feeling when i lose and the drive home..20 mins seems like hours and the feeling i get is horrible.I feel depressed and always say what if i did this on a certain number and i dont want to think like that ever again,I just need help.What really gets me is when i have been playing at home for hours or at the casino,and im tired i just want to go asleep which i do,its the waking up in the morning when you relized how much money i have just lost."I feel so low" i am so angry about how stupid and selfish i have been over the years,I dont know what is up with me with money but i will give anyone money what ever they need and if i got it will give it them.I have got such a good heart and i was always joking and my confidence was high,but now it has gone along with my money down.I used to look great aswell nice body,6 pack and nice skin and hair but now its the opposite,my health is so bad with the smoking over the last 9 years at 40 a day,and my sleeping pattern is all over the place.I dont go bed until 6am most days,and get up later on in the day.I am going to finish off with it now there is tons more i want to say but if i did i might as well write a book.I lost £600 last night on william hill and i cant do it anymore it killing me and most importantly im hurting my family and im pretty sure my partner cannot take anymore.I dont want to lose her and i dont want to upset my mum and brother’s,because of gamblering i have no motivation what so ever in getting a job,but now i want to the reason i say that is over the last couple of years i was getting a months pay in about 4 hours.so i thought im not going to work for £150>300 a week when i can make a grand a day.I used to be a self employed plasterer where i was on good money but left because i played everyday.
    Can someone answer me is it just the money i dont like,i know its the gamblering also.I dont know how i can recover all that money ive lost over the years,i know im not,well going to try and stop i really hope i do.
    On the positive side after last night loses i have rang every casino and online i can remember and done a self exclusion for 10 years.But im scared because i know there is so many casinos and sites out there i always find a way but i hate it and need help to stop it.I have got not will power and i have a very addictive personality.I dont drink or do drugs just smoke which im trying to quit.
    I really want to get back into work im so scared because i know my mums getting older and i really want to make her proud of me  i wish i was like my brother who works for mircosoft and does property developer and another brother thats in full time employment.
    I am so confused what to do in my life i feel like after wasting all the years in the casinos,online etc i cannot go waste another 5 years in college because i will lose my gf,I know its better to be in college to lose another 5 years of gamblering.
    I dont now what to do,all i want to do is to stop gamlering and get on with my life and be happy and look forward to the future,i think im going to get a saving card so i cannot play online or anything like that,I am going to give the money to my mum because any money in my hand will go so fast through gamblering.
    THANKS TO ALL MY READERS AND SORRY FOR IT BEING LONG,THATS A THATS HALF MY STORY BUT THANK YOU AND WISH ME LUCK X
    DANIEL
     

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