Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family Wife of a newly admitted compulsive gambler

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  • #7032
    Labrieanne
    Participant

    First off thank you to anyone that offers help & support to me. I appreciate the love.

    I always new my husband had what I thought was a mild gambling problem. He owns his own successful company and has always done well for himself.
    In 2018 I got pregnant “accidentally” with our second daughter. My husband didn’t handle the news well and I feel like it’s what helped spiral his gambling to a dangerous level. 6-8 hours in a casino was his normal but he always claimed to win a bunch.
    He finally hit rock bottom and admitted to me that he has been borrowing from his company and had to pay back $100,000 to his company this year, which he did with his bonus.
    Also once I went back and checked our credit cards I realized he has gambled $96,000 dollars last year of our own money.
    He says he’s done gambling and devastated to the point of feeling no self worth. He’s not an open person and I’m finding it very difficult for him to talk to me. He wants me to tell know one and he claims he doesn’t need help.
    How do I convince him to seek some therapy? I feel completely alone and realize now that all his horrible mood swings, increased drinking and catching him with drugs is all related to his gambling. I know he needs help but I do t how to go about it.

    #7033
    Dunc
    Keymaster

    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

    Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

    Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #7034
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Labrianne
    Compulsive gamblers are not, as a rule, open men and a gambling addiction can thrive under a cloak of secrecy. For some reason your husband’s addiction has given him cause for alarm and he has confided in you, which is good for him but is a terrible burden to put on your shoulders.
    I am really pleased that you have started this thread and sharing – hopefully, in time, you will be able to seek support from friends and family as well.
    Sadly, you cannot make him seek therapy. Forcing a gambler to get help often results in them paying lip service and becoming even more secretive. Your husband has to want to control his addiction and to that end I think it is good to give him pointers to where support can be found and this is best given when he is being more open and less moody than usual. Shouting, pleading, threatening will do nothing but arose his addiction, calm words when the time is right is, I believe, the best way.
    Your husband’s feeling of worthlessness are common because the addiction that controls him is one of constant failure. Lies, mood swings, etc are his only coping mechanism at the moment.
    You are right when you say that he does need help if he is to control his addiction but it seems to me that he does not think that it is ‘his need’. I cannot tell you what to do but in my opinion, it might be good to let him know that you are seeking support for yourself because you want to understand, so that you can support him. Gamblers tend to think that nobody understands them but it might help if he knew that you want to stand shoulder to shoulder with him, not against him.
    Maybe you could tell him about this site – our Helpline and ‘gambler only’ groups are private and anonymous so; it could be argued that he has nothing to lose and everything to gain.
    I know your husband can live gamble-free or I wouldn’t be here.
    Keep posting, you are being heard
    Velvet

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