18 March 2013 at 5:40 pm #11034
I need to make my commitment out loud. Tears are running down my cheecks as I put down these words. It’s a mix of regret and release. Starting from today, the 18th of March 2013, I will never gamble again.1 April 2013 at 5:28 am #11035
Thank you “icandothis” and “bogdan12”. This site IS really helpful! It keeps reminding me how destructive gambling is, so I can´t fool myself into thinking it´s a good idea! Hope you join me soon Bogdan12. I do feel so much lighter already now after 2 weeks. It´s a form of anxiety that´s leaving me when i´m able to control myself. Believe in a better life!1 April 2013 at 11:22 pm #11036
Hi Thea..just wanted to stop by and say hi and congrats on your gamble free time and great resolve..Unfortunately for me I had a slip last Friday..long story…but my trip home from New York followed by a visit from my boyfriend…I just wanted to run and escape..Like a **** addict.! Luckily I did no damage, but it again opens a door and I know I have to put more barriers in place and put other things on my plate..which I plan to do..I am out of town again…visiting family and enjoying myself here so the anxiety is not high..Thank heavens..Hope you had a nice Easter..Keep up the good work..I am home tomorrow…Have to go–just using a computer downstairs in my aunt’s building 🙂3 April 2013 at 4:53 am #11037
Thank you so much Libbie. Day 17 today. Remember that it is harder in the first few weeks because the urge is stronger and the associations to gambling are plenty. You can get back in to it! Even though “we are all the same distance from placing the next bet…..”, as Cat in this forum so wisely put it, the associations does become weaker in time! The less we think about it, the longer the time since we last did it, the less we are reminded and tempted. Right now we have to fight the urge daily, in a year we might have to be on the lookout, but only deal with the impulse once a week. IT GET´S BETTER!! 😀3 April 2013 at 7:25 am #11038ready2changeParticipant
day 17 the days are adding up nicely adaat really well done take care3 April 2013 at 10:30 am #11039
Thank you 🙂 I like the feeling of the days accumulating…. Hope you have a nice day too.3 April 2013 at 4:10 pm #11040
It´s funny how the brain works. I´ve been going for days now without feeling any urge for gambling at all, but suddenly today, as I was waiting to cross the street, I was hit by a strong urge! And I know what triggered it! Just seconds before a car transporting a hourse ran by, and there, right in the middle of the city I heard the whin from the horse. And then one more. That sound was so unnatural where I was, and it reminded me of the online slot machines; they often have those kind of sounds when you hit a bonus. It was strange how deep my body engaged in that memory. Suddenly I started to think about how extremely exciting it is to be on a winning streak; like being in a never ending ****** (….) Like heroin! Earlier that could have triggered my gambling behavior, but I know now it is perfectly fine to have a feeling without doing anything about it. Day 17 continues….5 April 2013 at 5:41 am #11041
Yesterday I had a real bad day! The tension was just building up in me, and I felt angry for no apparent reason. Usually I would have tried to get away from that **** by eating or gambling. Instead I just stayed in it and took a long shower. The warm water often soothes me. Very happy today I didn´t do anything stupid, cause the urge was definitively there. Day 19 today, getting close to 3 weeks.5 April 2013 at 12:19 pm #11042AnonymousGuest
Hi Mythea: Congratulations on finding a different way to manage your stress. My last day gambled is also March 18. Keep up the excellent work. A shower is a marvelous thing for washing all the negativity down the drain. I realized with a start yesterday that I’ve replaced gambling with mindless eating. Have to get that in check, but one thing at a time. Going to spend the day at a spa with my best friend today. She’s treating me to a facial for my birthday last month and treating herself for her birthday this month. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a spa day. Enjoy your gambling-free weekend and continue to be good to yourself. RG– 4/5/2013 12:20:29 PM: post edited by runninggirl.5 April 2013 at 12:33 pm #11043
Really good job Thea..You are noting and aware of all those triggers..Better to analyze than act on them and ruin everything! I am back on Day 4…Have a nice day!6 April 2013 at 8:16 am #11044
@Runninggirl: Congratulations to you too! We´re doing good! Almost 3 weeks now! I know all about moving the compulsion to another area in my life… Like you say it is all about finding a way to tolerate stress, anxiety and negativity without getting destructive. I also try to use music to soothe the inner pressure. Started playing piano a time back, and sometimes that works just to get my mind into something else, and to channelize my feelings. Going to a spa sounds like just the thing to do!! After years of gambling many of us has deprived ourselves of more constructive pleasures and treats because there just haven´t been any money for it… That´s one of the things I´m starting to appreciate now: I can buy clothes, and I can eat lunch at a café! Hope you have a relaxing time at the spa, and a nice gamblingfree rest of the weekend.
@Libbie: Yes, I feel I´m in a good track. I´m not giving away any more of my money! I´ve been running a “charity” here for years; just giving away everything I earn (and I know I need the money more then the people getting them!) Glad to hear your back in the track! Let´s keep walking together 🙂6 April 2013 at 8:05 pm #11045
I think you are doing really great..You’ve got that fight mentality and that is good..I do really well when I have the fight mentality but sometimes that slips and I feel so weak! Yes–we (I ) have given so much to the gambling "charity"..I could have started a real charity for a good cause for all I have squandered through the years..and all I could have saved for my son…It’s just WRONG.
Day 6 or 7 I think..Feeling pretty rotten but have not gambled..Worked today and tonight I am going to an auction..Stay strong..!7 April 2013 at 6:21 am #11046
Yes, Libbie. I try to take that agression I´m usually directing towards myself through self-hatred or self-destruction, and direct it outwards – where it belongs. Towards the casinos, towards the addiction. I´m at 3 weeks today, and so relieved for that! I feel safer and calmer every step I take away from my own self-destruction. I wish I will be ******** months soon, and I know that if I just wait I will be ******** years. Just some time back it seemed almost impossible for me to get rid of the gambling part of me, but I realize now that I have the chance to put it on a distance. So far away that it will not define me anymore. Hoping that someday in the future I can visit a bank, and I will have nothing to be ashamed of cause there wount be any gambling transactions in my recent history – and I will have savings. The good side of this addiction, if there can be any, is that i´m used to not spending much on other things in my life because I´ve never had the money! So now that I don´t gamble anymore I do have a low spending and I can call myself reasonable!
Wish you a nice day Libbie, and hope you find some peace throughout the day. And again: let us keep ********.7 April 2013 at 7:29 pm #11047
Hmm–interesting the words you say about gambling defining you…I guess that has happened to me and I just hate to really admit it..Years ago, I always knew I made good choices..in my education, jobs, in the man I married…But I guess that all changed once the gambling took hold…I started making all the wrong choices…. One of my obstacles and maybe one of my triggers to gamble is that I know I can’t go back to where I was before this all started…Just very difficult to accept where I am now and go from here…On the bright side…I am working and I am paying down my debt…I feel that I am a good person and I care about others…but when I gamble I get so careless of that..I have a 27 year old son who I love very dearly and the guilt I feel about losing what would have been his money and not setting a good example for him is huge…
Anyway–don’t want to get into a pity party..Many people in the world and on this site have it worse than I do!
Have to keep up the FIGHT..LOL
You are doing great Thea…keep it going…I will try to do the same!10 April 2013 at 12:59 pm #11048
Yes Libbie, that’s the hardest part!! Accepting were we are now, not trying to undo it! Tolerating the regret. I’m at day 24 now, and next wedensday I can celebrate 1 month. Hope you’re hanging in there too Libbie.
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