[mythea]

I need to make my commitment out loud. Tears are running down my cheecks as I put down these words. It’s a mix of regret and release. Starting from today, the 18th of March 2013, I will never gamble again.

[mythea]

Thank you “icandothis” and “bogdan12”. This site IS really helpful! It keeps reminding me how destructive gambling is, so I can´t fool myself into thinking it´s a good idea! Hope you join me soon Bogdan12. I do feel so much lighter already now after 2 weeks. It´s a form of anxiety that´s leaving me when i´m able to control myself. Believe in a better life!

[libbie]

Hi Thea..just wanted to stop by and say hi and congrats on your gamble free time and great resolve..Unfortunately for me I had a slip last Friday..long story…but my trip home from New York followed by a visit from my boyfriend…I just wanted to run and escape..Like a **** addict.! Luckily I did no damage, but it again opens a door and I know I have to put more barriers in place and put other things on my plate..which I plan to do..I am out of town again…visiting family and enjoying myself here so the anxiety is not high..Thank heavens..Hope you had a nice Easter..Keep up the good work..I am home tomorrow…Have to go–just using a computer downstairs in my aunt’s building 🙂

[mythea]

Thank you so much Libbie. Day 17 today. Remember that it is harder in the first few weeks because the urge is stronger and the associations to gambling are plenty. You can get back in to it! Even though “we are all the same distance from placing the next bet…..”, as Cat in this forum so wisely put it, the associations does become weaker in time! The less we think about it, the longer the time since we last did it, the less we are reminded and tempted. Right now we have to fight the urge daily, in a year we might have to be on the lookout, but only deal with the impulse once a week. IT GET´S BETTER!! 😀

[ready2change]

day 17 the days are adding up nicely adaat really well done take care

[mythea]

Thank you 🙂 I like the feeling of the days accumulating…. Hope you have a nice day too.

[mythea]

It´s funny how the brain works. I´ve been going for days now without feeling any urge for gambling at all, but suddenly today, as I was waiting to cross the street, I was hit by a strong urge! And I know what triggered it! Just seconds before a car transporting a hourse ran by, and there, right in the middle of the city I heard the whin from the horse. And then one more. That sound was so unnatural where I was, and it reminded me of the online slot machines; they often have those kind of sounds when you hit a bonus. It was strange how deep my body engaged in that memory. Suddenly I started to think about how extremely exciting it is to be on a winning streak; like being in a never ending ****** (….) Like heroin! Earlier that could have triggered my gambling behavior, but I know now it is perfectly fine to have a feeling without doing anything about it. Day 17 continues….

[mythea]

Yesterday I had a real bad day! The tension was just building up in me, and I felt angry for no apparent reason. Usually I would have tried to get away from that **** by eating or gambling. Instead I just stayed in it and took a long shower. The warm water often soothes me. Very happy today I didn´t do anything stupid, cause the urge was definitively there. Day 19 today, getting close to 3 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Hi Mythea:  Congratulations on finding a different way to manage your stress.  My last day gambled is also March 18.  Keep up the excellent work.  A shower is a marvelous thing for washing all the negativity down the drain.  I realized with a start yesterday that I’ve replaced gambling with mindless eating.  Have to get that in check, but one thing at a time.  Going to spend the day at a spa with my best friend today.  She’s treating me to a facial for my birthday last month and treating herself for her birthday this month. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a spa day.  Enjoy your gambling-free weekend and continue to be good to yourself. RG– 4/5/2013 12:20:29 PM: post edited by runninggirl.

[libbie]

Really good job Thea..You are noting and aware of all those triggers..Better to analyze than act on them and ruin everything! I am back on Day 4…Have a nice day!

[mythea]

@Runninggirl: Congratulations to you too! We´re doing good! Almost 3 weeks now! I know all about moving the compulsion to another area in my life… Like you say it is all about finding a way to tolerate stress, anxiety and negativity without getting destructive. I also try to use music to soothe the inner pressure. Started playing piano a time back, and sometimes that works just to get my mind into something else, and to channelize my feelings. Going to a spa sounds like just the thing to do!! After years of gambling many of us has deprived ourselves of more constructive pleasures and treats because there just haven´t been any money for it… That´s one of the things I´m starting to appreciate now: I can buy clothes, and I can eat lunch at a café! Hope you have a relaxing time at the spa, and a nice gamblingfree rest of the weekend.
@Libbie: Yes, I feel I´m in a good track. I´m not giving away any more of my money! I´ve been running a “charity” here for years; just giving away everything I earn (and I know I need the money more then the people getting them!) Glad to hear your back in the track! Let´s keep walking together 🙂

[libbie]

I think you are doing really great..You’ve got that fight mentality and that is good..I do really well when I have the fight mentality but sometimes that slips and I feel so weak! Yes–we (I ) have given so much to the gambling "charity"..I could have started a real charity for a good cause for all I have squandered through the years..and all I could have saved for my son…It’s just WRONG.
Day 6 or 7 I think..Feeling pretty rotten but have not gambled..Worked today and tonight I am going to an auction..Stay strong..!

[mythea]

Yes, Libbie. I try to take that agression I´m usually directing towards myself through self-hatred or self-destruction, and direct it outwards – where it belongs. Towards the casinos, towards the addiction. I´m at 3 weeks today, and so relieved for that! I feel safer and calmer every step I take away from my own self-destruction. I wish I will be ******** months soon, and I know that if I just wait I will be ******** years. Just some time back it seemed almost impossible for me to get rid of the gambling part of me, but I realize now that I have the chance to put it on a distance. So far away that it will not define me anymore. Hoping that someday in the future I can visit a bank, and I will have nothing to be ashamed of cause there wount be any gambling transactions in my recent history – and I will have savings. The good side of this addiction, if there can be any, is that i´m used to not spending much on other things in my life because I´ve never had the money! So now that I don´t gamble anymore I do have a low spending and I can call myself reasonable!
Wish you a nice day Libbie, and hope you find some peace throughout the day. And again: let us keep ********.

[libbie]

Hmm–interesting the words you say about gambling defining you…I guess that has happened to me and I just hate to really admit it..Years ago, I always knew I made good choices..in my education, jobs, in the man I married…But I guess that all changed once the gambling took hold…I started making all the wrong choices…. One of my obstacles and maybe one of my triggers to gamble is that I know I can’t go back to where I was before this all started…Just very difficult to accept where I am now and go from here…On the bright side…I am working and I am paying down my debt…I feel that I am a good person and I care about others…but when I gamble I get so careless of that..I have a 27 year old son who I love very dearly and the guilt I feel about losing what would have been his money and not setting a good example for him is huge…
Anyway–don’t want to get into a pity party..Many people in the world and on this site have it worse than I do!
Have to keep up the FIGHT..LOL
You are doing great Thea…keep it going…I will try to do the same!

[mythea]

Yes Libbie, that’s the hardest part!! Accepting were we are now, not trying to undo it! Tolerating the regret. I’m at day 24 now, and next wedensday I can celebrate 1 month. Hope you’re hanging in there too Libbie.

[libbie]

You are doing fantastic! The boyfriend came in from out of town…and guess where we went – to the casino…I would love to say otherwise, but I hope I can stay on this site and abstain longer..It’s my near term history to start and stop…Some years back I quit for 1 1/2 years and now the withdrawal phase has been too rough for me…Not sure what to do…

[vera]

***** Mythea!
Although I have never posted on your thread, I have read it with interest since you joined GT!
A belated "welcome" from an "Oldtimer"!
Two things struck me about your thread. First one is the Title "Will you ***** the days with me?"
The second is the name Mythea. That name has a lovely air to it. Is it Greek? ‘Just interested in unusual names.
(I chose the name "Vera" as my gambling name for many reasons. Deep down, I don’t like that name!)
Now to *****ing days!
I didn’t want to comment on this any earlier in your recovery because I didn’t want to seem negative in any way. Sometimes a newcomer here posts once and never returns and I often take that personally and ask myself "was it something I said?".
At the end of 2009 ( I have been here since May 2008), I decided I wanted 2010 to be a G -free year.
I was determined NOT to gamble that year no matter what! I was tired of all the stress, the lies, the false promises and the failures.
I got a diary and a pen and began TICKING! Day One , tick. Day two, tick and so on and so on until I could feel myself holding my breath until I was due to be told "you can breathe out now!". At the end of the year I was like a pregnant woman who was 3 months overdue and the sad part was I could see no result to all my waiting, ticking and *****ing! What had gone wrong? I couldn’t answer that question. All I had proved to myself was that I could survive without gambling. It came to January 2011 and I told myself I was free. One night I decided to reward myself my having a "flutter" in a new casino. By this time I was self exclided from my comfort zone and had built up enough money to justify my "treat"! In half an hour I was down € 600 . I felt sick. It had not been my intention to "gamble" , just to "play" the machines. Suddenly I hit a jackpot! Beyond my wildest dream! I resolved to run with my winnings but we all know that CGs fall down on those resolutions and end up losing. ALWAYS! In a few hours I was back to where I started and I have never succeeded in get back to that G free time….Was 2010 a wasted year! No! Not at all ! It was a year I still remember with pride……
The moral of my story, Mythea is that *****ing days may or may not be the answer. It certainly stopped me gambling but it also caused an anticipation to build up inside me that left me feeling frustrated and somewhat lost when 2010 came to an end. Instead of (or as well as) ticking and *****ing, I know now I should have been setting up the foundations for an alternative life. Three years later , still slipping and sliding and with very little gamble free time, I now hope to address some of the underlying causes for my gambling . ( I know what they are but never face them). ******** days, if it serves to put a distance between a CG and his/her last bet is a wonerful idea but the time will come when you find yourself  saying " WHAT NOW?" so may I suggest that, as you ***** the days that you make full use of each day to accept TODAY as it is, to forget about tomorrow and let go of yesterday. A lot of my anxiety today is related to what I did in the past and how I will deal with the future consequences . During those days when I was "*****ing" I should have been also addressing underlying issues so maybe you will learn from my experience and use the time fruitfully.
There is a big difference between not gambing and true recovery.
Just for TODAY, I will not gamble!

[maverick.]

Hi Mythea, just wanted to drop in and say day 24 is fantastic, I honestly know how hard it can be to go 1 day gamble free so really well done, keep doing what works for you and as I am sure you know there is plenty of help around here, take care and wish you well, all the very best love Maverick.

[mythea]

@LIBBIE: I´m sad to hear that you´re struggling Libbie. Is there a network near you, some form of group therapy or meetings you can go to? Maybe the extra support would be necessary?
@MAVERICK: Thank you so much for your support Maverick! I send my love right back to you!
@VERA: Thank you for your concern! 🙂 I don´t really know where my name comes from, I just came up with it, thought it sounded nice. I understand what you mean about just ******** days. That would be like ******** calories in a diet thinking that all the emotional issues with food will resolve just by waiting for it to happen. That´s not how I deal with my gambling problem. (Or not deal). I haven´t shared so much of the other processes going on in my life, but I am working hard with the underlying causes. I know that the gambling has had two main functions for me: regulating my anxiety, and giving me an emotional reaction that I have been missing elsewhere in my life. Besides ******** days I am working to develop in these areas. To say it in another way: I´m not trying to hold back the river (controlling the gambling impulse), I am trying to find a way to channelize the river in a more constructive direction (self-expression). For me that involves finding a way to express myself emotionally, and being more self assertive in a way that can make life itself exciting for me. I have always loved music, and have always heard I´m very talented at it. My problem is my shame. Because of years of being bullied I have been so constrained in my expression. The moment I try to show something genuine in me I shrink together in shame. The connection is so automatic, even when I´m alone. I can sit by the piano and not get anything out because I feel so blocked. I have experienced this self sensor as an internal emptiness. This emptiness is what I have been trying to fill with gambling, and also in periods with food (but because I was bullied for being “fat” I can never allow myself to become that…). I am at a place now where I am more able to fill the void in me, and where I feel a lot of hope for my future. There´s a deep depression in me that´s loosing it´s grip.
When it comes to the ******** I need it to get the gambling on a distance, and to make a serious obligation. I´m afraid I will bagatallize falling out once in a while if I don´t decide to NEVER do it again (And falling out “once in a while” can be quite a disaster when your´re a compulsive gambler…. Months or years of building yourself up can be lost in a day.) This is the first time I am trying to *****, and I feel a pride and a relief to see that life without gambling is passing by. In time I will not ***** days, ofcourse, I hope I will come to a place where I “notice” another month has passed by while I was busy doing something else.

[libbie]

Very well expressed Thea…So it sounds like the key for you is to "push through" when you have those feelings/anxieties and not let the gambling be the first thing that takes hold…Just keep moving forward..and it sounds like you are doing it…It is just like a **** or a cigarette…taking that first misstep is the problem…It’s just so much easier NOT doing that because the initial withdrawal is the hardest..In my case, however, I have to keep coming back in spite of slips…There is no other way..The alternative is to go straight down and not recover…and I must always try!
I, like you, think the shame or regret over what I have done has become an obstacle for me moving in another direction…My biggest issue is my career..I used to have professional jobs and would get whichever one I chose…Since the economy changed and I am now 60 years old, I am thinking I cannot get back to that, and when that fact displays itself to me, I get frustrated, withdraw and go gamble!I quit even LOOKING for jobs over a year ago..I am afraid and convinced I will not the get the jobs I would seek.. Not the way to move forward..That being said…I am working…I am making money and am paying down my huge debt…Now down to $12,500 from 80K..
So thank you for putting all that into words…because that is providing some clarity for me…
Hope all is well and calm and clear for you today…I am feeling pretty good with no urges so ****** for today!

[mythea]

Yes Libbie, always get back, that´s the key. I have stopped a hundred ***** before, but never for long. You gain experiences every time you try, and one day you might stop completely. I think that is happening for me. My cup ran over. Not saying I don´t struggle: yesterday I had a horrible urge. It seems like it just pops up from nothing. It´s been gone for long, you think you´re doing fine, and then suddenly it´s there again! My daughter was sleeping, I had just had two glasses of white wine, my boyfriend was going out with some friends. Home alone. A full visa card. Tipsy. Spring feeling. That´s the worst condition. But I just told myself no. You´re not doing that anymore. It worked. Still in one piece today. Day 27. Four weeks tomorrow. Started doing piano lessons again, decided to apply for for a bachelor in music next year 2014. Will spend the next year rehearsing and preparing. Feels exciting. I already have a six year education from the University, and I know that if I´m going to survive studying and working part time my debts HAVE TO be paid off, and the pouring out of money into gambling must have been stopped completely. Obviously my subconscious must have been working on the urge last night, cause I dreamt that I was winning. You´ve been so good paying down your debts Libbie! Going from 80K to 12,5K is so good!! And Libbie, you don´t have to get back to where you were. Where you are now is ok. You can create some form of meaning where you are right now. Life does not have to be one up going line. Wish you a good day. 🙂

[libbie]

I hear you about those thoughts popping up from nowhere! My problem is I let them stay instead of pushing them away immediately…Boyfriend was visiting from out of town..all went well…He left and now 2 days I am off and the thoughts are there again…But I have been getting lots of calls to appraise/buy antiques so I have a lot to photograph and list online which can keep me busy for a week if I don’t listen…I am off now to an auction…This week back on has been easier so I am grateful for that..So far gamble free and it does feel better!
You are doing the right thing moving forward and trying new things..the only way to re-wire that gambling brain!
Gotta run..Have a great day

[mythea]

Sounds good Libbie! Are you selling antiques online? Do you have your own (internet)store? I have thought of doing something similar myself, maybe combined with furniture carpentry. Most likely I wount do anything about it, but I always thought it would be a nice job. I´m at week 4 today. Wish you another nice and gambling free week! 🙂

[libbie]

Yes Thea–I sell on Ebay..Have been doing it since 1998..Much harder now to make $$ at it because now everyone sells on there..+ the Ebay fees have really gone up…I sell mostly antiques, jewelry..Sell what I buy but also sell for others and just take a commission..I do enjoy it..but it’s very up and down moneywise..and of course, my history is to spend the money gambling when I sold something price-y (several years ago I sold a vase for $11,300 that I bought at a garage sale for $2! That was fun…but where is that money now??)..
One month–you are doing just great…I am holding on…have to will myself to not think gambling thoughts…At least the weather is finally warm and sunny and I can go for a walk..Working today tho..just andlunch and have to go back now..Have a great day!

[Anonymous]

You’re doing wonderfully well, Mythea.  Just popping in to wish you a gambling free May.  I know you can do it and I plan to stick to it too … one day at a time.   All the best.  RG

[mythea]

Thank you Runninggirl! YES! Let´s make May 100% gambling free. I read your post about renovating the kitchen; sounds like a good motivation to stay away from betting: you will PHYSICALLY see the results around you! I don´t now if you have had the same feeling, but over the years I have felt that nothing around me or in my life could be built up because all I own has been sucked out into the gambling. It´s something magical about experiencing how money I work hard to make CAN accumulate, and CAN give me a lot of opportunities to do things in my life! So yes: Let´s work together for a gambling FREE May!!

[vera]

We begin to see the true value of money when we stop using it as gambling ammunition, Mythea!
Time and money are never ours when we gamble. Both vanish in the blink of an eye. It’s scary!
Here’s to a G free Day and a G free May!
odaat!

[neva]

I just read your post on the 18th.  Way to make the right choice when you were blind sided with urges!  Congratulations on all your gamble free days.

[mythea]

Thank you 🙂 I´m 7 weeks today, and that means I must be moving close to 2 months! Wish you all a nice and gambling free day!! Life is so much better without the “gambler´s anxiety”.

[libbie]

Good job girl! You’re building back a better life…no more looking over your shoulder…Nice!

[mythea]

Thanks Libbie. How are things with you?

[mythea]

The risk is always there, but I think things are going ok. I´m 8 weeks gambling free tomorrow, and only 6 days away from 2 months, the 17th of May – Norway´s national day of independence! A good day to celebrate my own independence. ´Cause that´s it: I´m in a separation process with an urge that´s been sabotaging parts of my life for 20 years. And that is an important reminder too: I have LIVED for the last 20 years even though it´s been compromised by my gambling. A great part of it has been a rich and happy life, with lots of friends, family, education, fun and growth. And I want more of that. Maybe my own destructive powers can be a source of developement and insight when I get control over it. After all, we´re all struggling in life, in our individual ways. Maybe we should compare less, and just try to rise in our own battles.

[libbie]

Hi there..sorry I have been away…I actually was at work with some down time and was signing in to reply …and somehow got locked out of my account for 3 full days…Finally got unlocked and then had company from out of town …so here I am…I am doing okay with the gambling…It was good for me having company because I hardly thought about gambling…Now they’re gone and now it is consuming my thoughts again..I am also dealing with many things that are the consequences of my gambling..When I am in the gambling world, I think I am alone and I am hiding…Tonight my son took me out for Mother’s Day and we talked..He has some issues with me and I know my behaviour has been so changed by the gambling..So much mother’s guilt!
I think you are doing remarkable! Proud of you!.

[mythea]

Only two weeks away from the 3 month mark now. Most days I´m fine, but the urge keeps coming out of nowhere now and then. Still feel quite vulnerable because of that. Guess I´ll always be vulnerable since gambling has been my coping strategy for so long…. Really starting to feel the effect in my economy. Not constantly broke anymore.

[Anonymous]

Mythea, I am so very happy for you and your wonderful progress.  I remember we had the same LDG, but then I changed mine to April 11.  Great that you are starting to have more money and with it, I hope, peace of mind.  I know that the urges are unsettling … I wish every day that they would just permanently disappear.  But then I realize wishing accomplishes nothing … action is the only thing that ******.  So when urges come, I examine them closely and more ***** than not, I find they’re a result of a lack of awareness of my part.  For example, carrying more money than necessary, etc.  Once I remedy that, I find that I feel safe again.  You’ve come a long way.  Keep going strong.  RG

[Anonymous]

Mythea, I am so very happy for you and your wonderful progress.  I remember we had the same LDG, but then I changed mine to April 11.  Great that you are starting to have more money and with it, I hope, peace of mind.  I know that the urges are unsettling … I wish every day that they would just permanently disappear.  But then I realize wishing accomplishes nothing … action is the only thing that ******.  So when urges come, I examine them closely and more ***** than not, I find they’re a result of a lack of awareness of my part.  For example, carrying more money than necessary, etc.  Once I remedy that, I find that I feel safe again.  You’ve come a long way.  Keep going strong.  RG

[mythea]

******* ****. I´m so close to falling apart right now. But I know I just can´t do it. I keep reminding myself: You can always stop. It´s never too late. Tolerate the impulse. Don´t act on it. I swear I was just seconds ago from a deposit. But I didn´t do it. I distracted myself. Visited another website. Read a blog. Talked to a friend. Tried to ride the wave, and hopefully it will cool off. It never stops to amaze me how far off and how neat the addiction can be in just a minute. It jumps you from behind. You need to be a samurai to handle this devil. Thank you Runninggirl for your support. It is those kind of posts that keep me going. I said to myself: what will happen if I gamble now? I wount return to the gamblingtherapyforum out of shame, and what will happen then? I will have no security net. I will be on my own again. Free running. I don´t want that. Can´t do that. I have achieved so much the past months. Only 10 days away from 3 months of totally gambling free now. STAY IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[charles]

Well done on not gamlinb Mythea, stay strong.  How about getting a blocker for your PC?  That might calm the urges down.  I am currently facilitating the Community Group which is running for the next 50 minutes.  if youa re still around and want to talk through your urges then please join me.  We can all choose to not gamble, one day at a time. 🙂

[alwaysthefish]

I really enjoyed reading this thread. I took my time and read every single post in it. I’ve been gambling since childhood myself. I’m 42 now. I’ve been combating my gambling urge for decades, sometimes succesfully, sometimes not so much.
I used to be a succesful poker player. I was succesful despite my gambling nature. That was when the games were soft. In the mean time the games got tougher, the players got better and I never bothered to work on my game and improve it. And as a result I’ve been losing badly last couple of years.
I don’t really think the One Day at a Time mantra works out for me very well. Sometimes I don’t gamble for weeks, but then I play one night and lose it all (all I possibly could lose for the period). So what’s the difference? I really liked the way Vera put it: Not gambling is not the same as a complete recovery.
Mythea (and the rest of you here) read The Willpowever Instinct by Kelly McGonigal. Many things are explained there in an amazing way.
 
 
 
 If you dine with the devil, bring a long spoon

[velvet]

Hi Mythea
I am so glad to read you didn’t gamble when you are doing so well.   Please keep going – these initial pains will be worthwhile when you look back and know that you have controlled your addiction.  Life will improve – I know I have seen it.
There is no shame in your struggle – you are showing courage and I, as a non-CG, ****** that courage.  
I don’t get over to ‘My Journal’ as much as I used to, as F&F takes my time but when I do, it great to read a post like yours – everybody on this site gets joy from the success of another.
Well done and don’t stop posting – however you feel.
Velvet
 

[mythea]

Hi everybody, and thank you so much!! I did NOT gamble yesterday, and it feels like such a relief! I also feel that I moved one step further in my process since I managed to ride of that tough wave I was on yesterday. It must mean I´m stronger now. I agree with you “AlwaysTheFish”, It doesen´t help me either to focus on one day at the time. I have to keep a bigger perspective all the time to be able to stay focused. That said I do understand the principle of staying away from gambling RIGHT HERE AND NOW. It is today you have to choose not to do it. Not any other day. Not someday in the future. I guess that´s classic, fooling yourself into believing you will quit “tomorrow”. I also agree with you and Vera that a complete recovery is a lot more than just not gambling. I use a metaphor for myself: Trying to stop gambling without working on your internal processes is like trying to hold back a forceful river that will eventually brake the hinders you have put up. Really working with yourself involves changing the direction of the river so that the impulse is channelized into something constructive in your life, and no longer ***** holdning back. And Velvet: Yes, life will improve, and I feel it´s improving all ready. Actually I´m starting to understand that my gambling has functioned as a hiding place for me, protecting me from my anxiety for failure. In that way it has held back my chance to unfold and grow as a person, but now that I have stopped gambling I am more anxious but also blooming more than ever. Thank you all a million ***** for your support.

[alwaysthefish]

OK, I installed Gamblock on my windows machine (I wasn’t aware of Betfilter at the time. Is there any major difference btw?) and K9-protection on my two Mac computers a few days ago.
Then yesterday night, after posting here, I don’t know how or why, I remembered I have an ipad too. Quickly installed poker software there, deposited 200$ and ran it up to 900$, then went to sleep. This particular website doesn’t let you cashout 48 hours after last deposit. Then this morning, I lost the 900$ in the blink of an eye, deposited another 200$, lost it, deposited 240$ with which I thankfully exhausted daily limit. Lost that too, needless to say.
Can someone help me? Is there a gamble-blocking software, for iPad and mobile devices, that works? Something that won’t be erased when I wipe-clean my device.
I’m fairly computer savvy. Gamblock, however, I wouldn’t be able to remove. K9-protection I probably could if I really tried, but it would take me a couple of hours, maybe longer. I usually don’t want to wait that long when a wonderful idea of gambling pops-up in my mind.
Btw, for those of you using Mac, K9-protection is free and a fairly good application. Here’s what you need to do: remove ALL gambling clients from your computer. Then set up a **** email address with a very complicated password, something like ‘dflsjdal452lj2k3jl2j2342’. Then sign-up with K9-protection using that email address and password protect it with another complicated password (or use the same one, doesn’t really matter). Once installed, flush the password down the toilette and voila.
You will not be able to acces any gambling sites and you won’t be able to request password recovery since you won’t be able access the email address they would send it to.
Anyway, anyone know of any mobile devices protection that works?
I’m so angry with myself for giving in to my urge last night. But it’s not just the anger, it’s this overwhelming feeling of helplessness and disillusion that’s really frightening. Thea’s post and progress are so inspiring, wonderful even, and yet, what do I do mere hours after reading it? So sad!
 
 
If you dine with the devil, bring a long spoon– 6/8/2013 9:42:40 AM: post edited by AlwaysTheFish.

[alwaysthefish]

Dang, I’m having the urge to play again. The only way I can play now is on my iPad. All my computers have gambling bocking software on them as of a few days ago. And I know I would probably be cheaper-off breaking the thing in pieces, than leaving it around within reach. But I can’t do that because my kid uses it for his games often.
I need distratctions. I’m going to watch some show and go for a walk later. And I need to find a way to disable that iPad for gambling software. Almost bought the new samsung S4 phone today. But then I realized I would probably be able to play on that too and quickly changed my mind. Will stick to the good old blackberry. No poker there, that’s for sure.
It seems so simple and easy and yet it is soooo hard – refraining from gambling. If I could, I’d give 50K euros this very moment (even though it’s a lot of money to me) never to gamble again! I just know I’m more than likely to lose that much in the course of 2-3 years anyway. And I’m powerless over that. How sad is that…
 If you dine with the devil, bring a long spoon

[mythea]

Hi “AlwaysTheFish”… I´m not visiting these websites as often as in the start, so sorry for the late reply. I know that a lot of people recommend betfilters, but actually for me that hasn´t been right. I reacted to it by going into some kind of battle with myself: putting up a barrier, and finding a way to break it down. I realized there will ALWAYS be a way for me to gamble if I decide I want to, so I can´t rely on external supports. I decided i wanted to develop the internal strength or decision not to gamble, so if I´m exposed to a possibility to gamble I can say no. Ofcourse I make sure these situations don´t come up often, because I know I´m straining my willpower everytime I have to resist. Don´t walk into the lions cave if you don´t have to. I think of it as a form of self care, protecting myself. But I also think this is an individual choice, and not nessecearly suitable for everyone. It took me many years of self work to come where I am now. I tried to just stay away based on my will many ***** before, and not beeing able to. I remember that the gambling impulse was a lot stronger in me some years ago. I recall that I felt fysically forced to just do it. But then again it is interesting to ask the question: what did I do to enhance the impulse that strongly? Because I am convinced I have a free will, and that whatever I feel forced by is a result of MY unconscious, and something I need to get into my awareness. And when I think of that time when the urge was so strong, that was I time where I tried very hard to “hold the beast back”, say NO to the impulse. Set up barriers. I think that actually resulted in making the urge stronger. Today I have a different focus. I know that saying: “Don´t think about a pink elephant” actually makes me think about a pink elephant. Instead I try to distract myself, just move my awareness over to something else, or involve myself in some form of constructive activity that can sooth wathever uneasiness I feel. I have fallen down and risen SO many *****, so I just advice you to keep going “AlwaysTheFish”. If you try and try you will succeed in the end. And it is worth it. I´m soon 3 months in, and that´s the longest I have abstained. My life is improving all the time.

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