[pollux]

Just want to say hello to everybody and share important story in my 4 years of high risik gambling life.

I finally figured out that “JUST ONE BIG WIN AND I’M OUT” is big fat lie.

So, Year ago, I won, belive it or not, on slot machines, around 50000$ with only 40$ deposit. That was enough for cover all my loans to the bank. (All loans was spended on online casinos) I broke the myth that slot machines are always fixed for house to win. That day I finally get that luck I seek.

But I spend it all in same evening. I just couldnt stop. That was just unexplainable for me…that feeling when You finally have that ticket to get out… but You can’t stop… you have everything and then you lost everything… I realise that it was never about the money. It was always about the game, the pleasure and adrenaline. Winning BIG MONEY is just one lucky spin for the brain and that’s it. Just keep on spinning. Win or lose – it’s the same, just play, play, play….

Two days after that I repeated all. But this time I spend around 4000$. Finally, I won 10000$. And again same s**t happens. Spend it all and went to maximum minus on my bank account.

I was devastated but deep inside happy because I crushed the myth – JUST ONE BIG WIN AND I’M OUT. It was releif for me finnaly knowing that I’m done with casinos because I realised that there is no point to play it anymore if I can’t enjoy in money that I always wanted to win. So I stop.

And I was wrong. I touch the bottom again 4 days ago. Spend more than 1000$. My sallary vanish in one evening. I can’t beleive it. I can’t beleive that I forgot that S****y feeling what I had year ago. It is repeating cycle. Neverending story.

But main difference is that I finally admit to myself that I need proffesional help to manage that poison in my brain. I need help before it’s too late, before I definitly destroy myself and my family. And I destroyed alot.
This is a seriously brain damage that I cant’t handle it alone.

I know that I will not gamble next couple of months, it was always like that, but then some trigger happens and I’m back inside before I know it. So this time I’m searching local gambling therapits. Seeking for online and local support groups…

I’m learning about my illness which will be with me whole my life. I must learn to live with it. I can’t cure it but I can find tools to identify and properly react when that trigger happens again. And it will happen for sure.

If anyone have any advice please share. It will help me alot.

Sorry for bad english.

Thank You,
pollux

[pollux]

Moving forward, step by step.

[charles]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Dunc.

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