24 October 2014 at 6:50 pm #3502Ems_bxxParticipant
Worrying about my partner currently having treatment, he’s only been in there a week and I hate having no contact, could anyone tell me what it’s like in there?24 October 2014 at 11:18 pm #3503velvetModerator
While your partner is getting support it can be very lonely waiting and not knowing and probably thinking ‘where is my support?’ Your support is here Ems and it will be here for as long as you want it.
When my loved one went through the programme I would telephone Gordon House (Now Gordon Moody) once a week for peace of mind – just to know he was still there and ok – they could tell me no more than that but it was enough. It isn’t possible for the support workers to spare the time to support the loved ones at home – they are doing the job at which they excel and that is why the programme is so successful.
I cannot tell you what to do but I hope to help you understand why looking after you is so important. Your partner needs to be selfish in his desire to change his life – he cannot sit still and he cannot afford to worry about those who love him. This is ‘your’ time to be selfish to do the things that you enjoyed before the addiction came into your life – to see friends, to enjoy pastimes and hobbies, so that when he comes home he can see that you have managed, that you are strong and a rock on which he can depend.
Stick with us Ems and gain strength and knowledge – your partner will need you to support him when he comes home. I spent 25 years doing all the wrong things for all the right reasons – there is much to learn. I do believe that the experience you will have been through with your partner’s addiction and the experience of him going through rehab can be life-changing for you as well as him. The greatest revenge on the addiction to gamble is to turn the bad experience into something good.
I am going away for the weekend but I wanted to get a post out to you before I went because I know the weekends can be so difficult. Please try and put yourself first, just as your partner has to do – believe me, it works Ems.
On Tuesday evening I have a Friends and Family only group between 8pm and 9pm and it would be great if you could join it – nothing said in the group appears on the forum – everything said is confidential.
I realise I haven’t told you much about what it is like in rehab and I have no more time tonight but suffice it to say your partner can regain his life as a result of going through the programme but it takes courage and dedication. In my opinion those who love CGs (compulsive gamblers) who go rehab need to have courage and determination too.
Well done writing your first post – it is always the hardest.
Velvet27 October 2014 at 9:23 am #3504DuncKeymaster
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Ems as an ex-resident, I can just agree with Velvet who has the knowledge of being on the outside whist her son was inside Gordon House ( Gordon Moody). Ems your partner is in the best place he could be to learn how to suppress this addiction. GMA have 40 years experience, please trust that your partner couldn’t want for any-more
Ems, trying to explain how or what GMA is like is so difficult, everyone is different. What I would suggest you do is have a look at the work he will be doing once he’s completed his assessment in the next week…. GMA Friends & Family of Resident Forum… it may just give you an insight.
Also join velvet in her Tuesday night Friends & Family group … the support an understanding is here I promise
Id like to reiterate one thing. Your partner is safe… Use this time to look after you
Feel free to use the friends and family group, youll find the times for these if you click on the Group times box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself youll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and theyll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If youre the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isnt connected with GMA, please dont identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
Youll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which youll follow, some you wont…but thats ok because only you fully understand your
situation and whats best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you dont because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our27 October 2014 at 10:26 am #3505Ems_bxxParticipant
Thank you both so much for your comments I feel a lot better this week, I called them twice last week couldn’t help myself first time the lady said he is absolutely fine, 2nd time she said he is where we would expect him, so wasn’t sure how to take that!!
I am concentrating on me and the little one and keeping busy and feel so much better after reading your comments.
Do you know if he will be allowed home for Christmas or can I visit?
I look forward to hearing from you, and I will defiantly be joining to groups.
Emma27 October 2014 at 12:24 pm #3506DuncKeymaster
Re “Do you know if he will be allowed home for Christmas or can I visit?”
This is something you’d need to take up with his support worker, its still early days, but a call may just answer your question
H27 October 2014 at 3:43 pm #3507velvetModerator
Don’t try reading anything more into the words than ‘he is fine’ and ‘he is where they would expect him to be’.
The battle a CG has, when he/she is learning to control their addiction, in the early days, is a greater battle than I know I will ever have to face. The support workers and counsellors who are taking your partner through the programme understand his battle – they are dedicated to him – they can only hope that you look after yourself, which is what you are doing by asking questions here and learning about your partner’s addiction.
We take feeling ‘normal’ and living a gamble-free life for granted, something denied to the CG. I know only too well how difficult it is to be the one who is waiting but the length of the programme is a mere drop in the ocean compared to the rest of a CG’s life. I appreciate that my waiting is over but I know that for me and my CG a visit would have disrupted him, so whatever you are told, when you ask, always remember that they have to put your partner first – their duty of care has to be to him. Christmas is a little way off, by December you will hopefully be feeling more confident and your partner will be further on in his recovery. He will be learning to take one day at a time and it is a good way for us to live too..
You don’t say whether you have been to Gamanon or not but the following is a quote from the GA/Gamanon booklet which I found helped me immensely before, during and after rehab.
“There are two days in every week about which we should not worry: two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.
The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise or poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.
Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds – but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only; one day – TODAY. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of these two awful eternities – yesterday and tomorrow – that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad – it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us, therefore, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME.”
It is lovely to hear you are concentrating on your little one – he/she will benefit from the strength that you are finding to cope at this time. Well done
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